10Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Birthday To Me Special Effects Ultimate Volcano Cake!

10Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Birthday To Me Special Effects Ultimate Volcano Cake!

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Yes, my birthday’s today and that means it’s time for me to make another one of my signature spewing fire and lava volcano birthday cakes! Ranging from a foot to 4′ wide and anywhere up to 25 pounds and 2 1/2′ tall, these overdosing towers of sweetness have accompanied me rounding the bend to another year ever since I first saw a commercial for The Special Effects Cookbook in 1992.

The real recipe calls for a nicely constructed “lifelike” looking volcano, but I’m an artist and into Kitsch so it should be no surprise that my cakes are hulking, unrecognizable lifeforms wayyyyy out of the realm of what the cookbook author had in mind.

Made of up to 10 layers of anything I want – vanilla, chocolate and cherry cake, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, Rice Krispy treats and any other foodstuffs appropriate for celebration – my creations are massive lumps of sugary heaven surrounded by Jell-O or whipped cream and accented with Snickers, mini marshmallows, sprinkles, multicolored frosting and flaming sugar cubes-soaked-in-almond-extract torches, all of which form a cave around spewing lava made from eggs, water and dry ice.

This may seem gross but let me tell you that in the 17 years of cooking/sculpting/drilling these things, even the most Vegan amongst us dives into this junk food fantasy like they’re in the hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. No utensils necessary, everyone goes fist first as the cakes are big enough that guests can easily locate a germ-free area in which to do their excavation.

Here’s my Birthday ’94 Volcano before it blew:

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And here’s the first Volcano cake I ever made in 1993:

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See it erupting!:

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Here’s me making a second 1993 lava spewing dragon cake in case my first volcano was too small to feed all my guests. A drill is one of my most necessary kitchen utensils.

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Here’s my Volcano Birthday cake, 1997. Rather than stack four cakes on top of each other and risk an avalanche, or whatever it would be called if a volcano tipped over, I erected a mountain range.

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Top view:

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No Volcano cake this year but a most happy birthday to me!!

09Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Play Style Disco Rock Radio

09Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Play Style Disco Rock Radio

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Anything that has Disco in the title is assured of shelf space at my place but the fact that the Pegtoy Corp. of Westport Connecticut calls this a “play style” means it gets a nice warm spot up front. With tiny little earplugs that might fit into the ears of an ant and a play cassette as thin as a communion wafer, this Disco Rock Radio has as much chance of actually emitting sound as a Pet Rock.

I especially love that the Disco Rock dancers look more like they’re doing the Riverdance than anything that might’ve gone on at Studio 54. I’m especially fond of the male dancers jumpsuit and high heel cowboy boots.

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06Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Black Power Statuette Do-It-Yourself Coloring Kit

06Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Black Power Statuette Do-It-Yourself Coloring Kit

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A black power statuette raising his fist in pride but when you pull him outta the box he’s a white man…! This is one of the greatest examples of Soul Kitsch in my collection. So perfect a product in the late 60’s for a market that had long been under-served in terms of ubiquitous pop culture memorabilia. But like The Supremes White Bread and Touch O’ Soul “Off-Black” pantyhose featured earlier in this blog, and boasting on the box that it’s a “Equality- Justice statuette”, couldn’t the product manager have spent a few more minutes thinking about his target audience and poured a little tan tint into the resin before locking down the molds?

Made of “sturdy plastic with base tab” (whatever a base tab is), The Black Power Statuette was manufactured by Zap-Co of Roseville, Michigan.

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05Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Brass Dachshund Bottle and Can Opener & Paperweight

05Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Brass Dachshund Bottle and Can Opener & Paperweight

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Only 5″ long and less than 1″ high, this solid brass puppy weighs a ton. For years he sat on my desk atop my most important notes, making me less resentful of going through the stacks of papers he kept in place while I procrastinated going through them every day. One day he fell on the floor and I noticed how strangely shaped his little feet were. Only then, after almost 20 years of being a paper protector, did I realize the dachshund was, in fact, a bottle cap opener on his front legs and a can opener in the rear.

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Discoveries like this make me very happy. It seems like I have a brand-new object in the house! He’s definitely hand sculpted – be careful around his sharp butt! – but his polished smooth body makes him very fun to handle and easy to operate. I do miss him guarding my papers but he seems much happier in his new and more exciting role.

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03Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Roberta Flack Puzzle

03Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Roberta Flack Puzzle

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Nothing wrong with Roberta Flack (other than so many of her songs were so slooooooooow) and nothing wrong with puzzles. But Roberta Flack so doesn’t seem like the type of celebrity who a puzzle seems the right match for. J.J. Walker maybe, The Partridge Family or Fat Albert, but Roberta Flack?!
Made in 1972 by Let’s Save The Children, Inc., USA, this is one product I’m happy they made so the shape of Roberta’s afro could be preserved forever. I love afros that are round and massive but then the back is sheared as flat as a wall. I also love how the afro on the standup bass player’s head fuses into Roberta’s giving hers that extra oomph at the top.

Nothing wrong with Roberta Flack (other than so many of her songs were so slooooooooow) and nothing wrong with puzzles. But Roberta Flack so doesn’t seem like the type of celebrity who a puzzle seems the right match for. J.J. Walker maybe, The Partridge Family or Fat Albert, but Roberta Flack?!

Made in 1972 by Let’s Save The Children, Inc., USA, this is one product I’m happy they made so the shape of Roberta’s afro could be preserved forever. I love afros that are round and massive but then the back is sheared as flat as a wall. I also love how the afro on the standup bass player’s head fuses into Roberta’s giving hers that extra oomph at the top.

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02Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Lawrence Welk Musical Spoons

02Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Lawrence Welk Musical Spoons

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Lawrence Welk was always too square for me except that that’s where I could continue to get my Mickey Mouse Club fix when in 1961 Mouseketeer Bobby Burgess won a dance contest to Welk’s hit, “Calcutta” (an LW record I LOVED) and became a regular on the show two years after the mouse ears left the air. Though Bobby went from being a hip kid to an excessively corny adult as soon as he hitched to Mr. Wunnerful Wunnerful wagon, I still appreciated his move as otherwise I may have missed Lawrence Welk and his jaw droppingly cheesy production numbers that became a primer in my never ending education in Kitsch. Combine that with the fact that I never learned how to play an instrument and you end up with my excitement about these musical spoons which became one of the first instruments I “played” when I started to write songs.
Forget the spoons, the packaging on this is fantastic. With not an inch left uncovered, it boasts “Get on the beat!”, “Be a champion!”and “The international pastime – spooning!” Perhaps so, but not that kind of spooning.

Lawrence Welk was always too square for me except that that’s where I could continue to get my Mickey Mouse Club fix when, in 1961, Mouseketeer Bobby Burgess won a dance contest to Welk’s hit, “Calcutta” and became a regular on the show two years after the mouse ears left the air. Though Bobby went from being a hip kid to an excessively corny adult as soon as he hitched to Mr. Wunnerful Wunnerful’s wonderful wagon, I still appreciated his move as otherwise I may have missed Lawrence Welk and his jaw droppingly cheesy production numbers that became a primer in my neverending education in Kitsch. Combine that with the fact that I never learned how to play an instrument and you end up with my excitement about these musical spoons which became one of the first instruments I “played” when I started to write songs.

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Forget the spoons, the packaging on this is fantastic. With not an inch left uncovered, it boasts “Get on the beat!”, “Be a champion!”and “The international pastime – spooning!” Perhaps so, but not that kind of spooning.

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Bobby Burgess went on to become Welk’s longtime accordionist, Myron Floren’s, son-in law. Here they are doing The Chicken Dance, which, according to them, is “one of the most popular dances in America” and which, according to me, “wasn’t”.

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Here’s Welk’s biggest and only Top 10 hit, “Calcutta”:

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01Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Bacon Wallet

01Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Bacon Wallet

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It’s a fact that when bacon is involved in any of my KOTD posts the number of comments skyrocket. Makes sense to me as not only is it one of my (and others’ obviously) favorite foodstuff EVER but bacon’s long, straight design with undulating, bubbling edges allows it to translate well as a design element onto almost any object of decent size imaginable. Maybe it’s the element of danger or lving vicariously as, really, under what other circumstances would you want a greasy piece of bacon in your pocket?…

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…or on your shoes?:

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Made in China in 2006 for Accoutrements, the bacon wallet is still fresh and available at Archie McPhee.