OK, kids. Settle down. I’m speaking up against DONALD TRUMP using my song as his campaign song. Hope I’m not his next target. Please bear in mind only the publisher can prevent him from using “You’re The Best”. Ain’t no use telling me about Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen and Heart. They were all both artist, songwriter and publisher and therefore had the legal right to prevent usage. I’s jes the lowly songwriter and have no power here. Other than my mouth!
Rarely do I celebrate someone getting their head blow on off but the jubilant mood around the world heralding the demise of the long skinny one with the poisonous manners is begging to be celebrated with the best patriotic crafts that kitsch has to offer. Here’s a small sampling of what’s available for sale as we speak on places like Ebay and Etsy. In most cases I’ve used the exact names the artists have given their work.
The Liberty Bell:
Flip Flop Sandal BEADS with Tiny Feet Handmade from Polymer Clay:
Patriotic Flip Flop Magnet:
Patriotic Pins and Beads Queen:
1966 patriotic Barbie patterns:
Overstimulated Patriotic Picture Frame:
Flag Saftey Beautiful Pin:
Patriotic Dryer Lint Art:
UNCLE SAM HEAD & HANDS CERAMIC BISQUE:
Uncle Sam Mickey Latch Hook Kit:
American eagle bottle cap ecklace featuring unique night-glo:
Liberty Bell Pot Holder:
Independence Day decoration:
Patriotic American Red White Blue Pom-Pom Scarf for Indepence Day Memorial Day Photography Prop Adult or Infant:
Ceramic Bisque Uncle Sam Bloomer Bear, Flag included:
Go America!! Go Kitsch!
At that point in history, the 1960s, no more swag had ever been created for an American Presidency than for the first couple of Camelot, John and Jackie Kennedy. I have much of it, including busts, porcelain plates, copper plates, ashtrays, keychains and the like. But most of that is buried away and I’m too lazy to dig it out on a holiday. Here’s one that’s handy of a porcelain plate using the exact same image as on the creamer but for a new chair:
Here’s another of the exact same plate I have where the Kennedys have been replaced by a camper:
Many people would argue the Kennedys have never been replaced as a Presidential couple.
As you can see, the plate as American presidency was made in Japan.
My creamer, however, was made in the good ol’ USA. Squint and you can see it:
Here’s an idea of how tall the Presidential creamer is:
May we all stand tall this President’s Day (and have as nice of hair as the Kennedy’s)!
I’ve seen political enthusiasm expressed on cars before but it’s usually more in the way of stickers. This jewel encrusted license plate cover and insignia demand far more of a commitment to their candidate on behalf of the driver. Upon closer inspection however, it appears that this is a company car and the real commitment is to selling more bling.
I wish the taillights were jeweled as well.
Get out and VOTE today!
I’ve seen trillions of sculptures of hands giving the peace sign but this is the first time I’ve seen a foot flashing the international symbol of love and harmony. As if that wasn’t kitschy enough, a cheaper made sculpture you could never find. Adorned with a flimsy paper peace sign sticker and colored to make it look like rich wood, this peace foot is made of incredibly cheap plastic, lucky if it weighs an ounce despite being 6 inches tall. There’s no manufacturers mark anywhere on the appendage, as if whoever made it didn’t want to take credit for such a lovely and peaceful foot.
I’m not really a collector of vintage presidential plates. The only other ones I have, a few Jack and Jackie Kennedy ones, crept in more because of hairdos and fashion sense than for their stature as the First Couple of the United States. But every Eisenhower plate I’ve ever stumbled across has some tragic art department flaw. Like no one ever approved the plates once they were finished or there’s no way they could have escaped the fact that something was always magnificently wrong with the skin color of the couple who occupied the White House right before the Kennedys, Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower, President and First Lady of the United States from 1952 to 59. Here they look like corpses:
A slight adjustment on color and at least it wouldn’t look like the Eisenhower’s had butter and pancake syrup running through their veins as opposed to real blood that would have forced a more natural skin tone.
Here it almost looks as if the Eisenhower’s race has changed:
Upon closer look, it looks like the art director matched the skin texture of a potato rather than a human being:
My absolute favorite depiction of the Eisenhowers on ceramic is this plate where it looks like they have grown an extra head:
Upon closer inspection, it looks like a second head was stamped on just as the plate was beginning to move down the assembly line, as if their faces were on little springs and actively popping out of their heads.
Sometimes you look at a President and you get inspired because you think anyone can become whatever they want if they just dedicate themselves enough. But these Eisenhower presidential plates inspire me in a totally different way. It tells me that even if you’re the President, kitsch can happen to you. But the good news is that, for one, this American citizen has taken much more interest this particular President than she ever would have had his skin been in better condition.
I am so absolutely not a cook so the fact this 1950’s kitchen tool de-veins and peels a shrimp in one fell swoop isn’t what I cherish most about it but, rather, the gorgeous aesthetics that grace the box. From the pre-psychedelic background pattern on the lid…
… to the gorgeous color palette inside, the bizarre lower arm graphic with little devils popping out of it as they rise in steam from the non-boiling-over pot below, the meaning of which completely escapes me,…
… to the shiny ribbon and Shrimpmaster tag laden layer of brittle plastic that still ripples over the pristine utensil – all of this is mastery in 1950’s package design.
I bring up the Shrimpmaster today because I dined at Street last night with three as artfully designed friends, two of which were vegans and one who was vegetarian. So as not to send them screaming from the table when my usual steaming platters of Tatsutage Fried Chicken and Lamb Kakta Meatballs arrived, I ordered Andouille Sausage And Shrimp Gumbo. Yeah, it was pumped full of delicious smoked hot link sausage but all evidence of that was hidden under the okra, corn and red beans and rice while massive shrimp played lookout on top.
The monster Crustaceans were beautiful and clean, as if someone in the kitchen took to them with a Shrimpmaster, though I know the chefs are skilled enough to accomplish this without the handy vintage tool.
My dinner companions were Tiffany Daniels, Mito Aviles and ChadMichael Morrisette.
Tiffany played Squeak in the first National Tour of my musical, The Color Purple. Squeak’s crowing scene in the show occurs in a bar brawl with the much beefier Sofia. Compared to Sofia, Squeak is a SHRIMP.
Just last week, Mito and Chadmichael led an ‘art attack’ on the West Hollywood City Council and not so long ago hung a Sarah Palin mannequin in efigy from their roof, an act that was plastered throughout the press. These boys are certainly NOT SHRIMPS when it comes to self expression.
As far as the SHRIMP-worthiness of our meal, there were no such critters in the vegan dishes like Indonesian Peanut Noodles:
And none in the Stir Fried Chinese Brocolli:
The Toasted Amaranth with slivered almonds, cuzco corn and roasted yam in almond milk was a no shrimp zone as well:
Crossing into vegetarian territory there was positively no shrimp in the Ono Sashimi. Our waiter pointed out that this particular serving resembled an actual fish.
The rest of the meal was filled in with Burmese Lettuce Wraps, Fried Plantains, some kind of specially made vegan desert with too much fruit for this candy worshipper to want to try and a big ball of smooth chocolate something sprinkled with powdered sugar. No shrimp were harmed in the making of any of these dishes. But had there been a need, I know the Shrimpmaster was primed and ready for service.
In the kountry of Kitsch, there’s no higher honor bestowed upon a President than that of being commemorated as a Chia Pet. Now Chia Obama joins Chia Washington and Chia Lincoln in achieving that honor.
This Special Edition “Chia Obama” comes in two different moods, Chia Obama “Happy” and Chia Obama “Determined”.
Both come with with enough seed packets for three separate plantings with full growth expected in one to two weeks.
My hope on this President’s Day is that things like job creation, health care and other aspirations of Actual Obama get the watering and tender lovin’ care they deserve so they can achieve full growth too. Come on now and hail to the Ch-Ch-Ch- Chief!