chest-rug_4911

A great kitsch Kristmas or Chanukah gift for your folliclely challenged male friends, this Burt Reynolds-like hair rug would look great protruding from a polyester disco shirt or anything that unbuttons to reveal the beauteous cheese beneath. The chest rug attaches to skin or sparse hair with three pieces of double stick tape and looks pretty until you pull it off, in which case the rash it most likely leaves behind still gives the chest a very distinctive look.

Made by Accoutrements.  Fresh patch available at Archie McPhee.

Sunflower-light-switch-plate_1669-2

Completely oversized for the two light switches it’s designed to decorate, this textured fake wood plastic switch plate adorned many a wall in the 1970s, with any luck a wood paneled or flocked wallpaper covered one for optimum viewing pleasure. Light switches are usually designed to be only slightly larger than the hole in the wall they’re meant to cover but this Andre The Giant of one stretches to 7″ to accommodate a flower pot sprouting a completely overgrown freak of nature sunflower plant with multiple blooms.

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chef-spoon-holder-yellow_1671

Plastic chef kitchen aids were all the rage in the 1950’s. Most popular among the S&P’s, note pad holders and mixing spoon hangers were these double spoon Jolly Chef spoon rests. In the postwar leisure class spending fury that modernized kitchens all over the world no one wanted their Eggplant Parmesan, Beef Stroganoff or Campbell’s Tomato Soup dripping on their new Okeefe & Merritt so the population of these little guys exploded. Of course, many a noxious fume mixed with the cooking smells as spoon rest after spoon rest melted from sitting too close to a burner. So finding one of these in mint condition is a fantastic gastronomical find. This guy has a scarred lip from a tragic spaghetti accident.chef-spoon-holder-yellow_1672

Made by Reliance in the USA, the original paper label on this 6″ x 5″ Jolly Chef reads “Heat resistant Styrene. Keeps Stove Top Clean…Attractive Wall Plaque product.” His chef’s hat has a hole for convenient hanging in case you want to keep him out of harm’s way.

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iceomat_1307

Long before it was de rigueur for refrigerators to come equipped with automatic ice makers a contraption like this hung in almost every kitchen in the world allowing homemakers to crush fine or coarse ice without lifting a hammer, the previous method of accomplishing such a thing.

9 1/2″ tall, this most revolutionary of kitchen appliances was made by by the Rival Corp. of Kansas City, Mo., the company that also relieved kitchen misery with their forward thinking Can-O-Mat, Juice-O-Mat, Broil-O-Mat and other O-Mats which graced the product line until production ceased in the 1960’s. Thankfully I still have this one to remind me of my excellent past ice experiences. It’s been in full use this Thanksgiving weekend as many drinks preceded the bird and it’s leftover flock.

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turkey-S&Ps_5061

If you live in the US today is all about eating leftovers. These turkeys have been part of my post Thanksgiving overload ever since they were rescued from a thrift shop by my sister in Omaha, Nebraska in the mid 1980s. Made in the ’50s, these abstract fowl are filled by detaching the tail and shoving the seasoning inside, remaining faithful to the stuffing technique imposed on the real bird.

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The grains come out of small holes around the nose.

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These birds are a nice ‘n tasty 4″ high.

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keep-it-real-wallet_4435

This excessively cheap, anything-but-“real” leather wallet with an embroidered gold reminder to “keep it real” was part of a series of similarly sloganed wallets that Target carried about five years ago. It’s fun to hold because it’s stuffed with a lot of cheap foam so it feels like you’re gripping a marshmallow.

“Keep it real” has a bunch of compartments for credit cards and a zippered pocket in the back for change. Good thing as for some reason the compartment to keep dollar bills isn’t stitched all the way across the bottom so if you happen to throw your change in there it’s someone else’s by the time you reach your car.

There’s no manufacturer label on the wallet, only a small tag that says “100% Man Made Materials”.

My favorite thing is the wrist strap so you can keep your wallet out at all times and let the world know that you’re the kind of gal who “keeps it real”.

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golf-corkscrew_1000

My favorite Sundays are when I entertain and this golf ball corkscrew has been held in the hands of almost every brunch guest who’s ever been over here. It’s as close as anyone will get to a golf course around here as the only use I have for golf balls and clubs are as bar accessories as seen here or as found objects in my art and sculptures. Like this series of Arnold Palmer Golf Hat & Coat Racks I made in 1987.

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Judging by the vast number of both vintage and new bar accessories that incorporate golf equipment I’d say the liquor industry has to be pretty happy with this sport!

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chef-string-holder_8029

Before the proliferation of plastic bags, these vintage string holders covered the landscapes of more bakeries and butcher shops then linoleum did. All the rage in the 1940s and 50s, anyone who worked in these kinds of establishments tugged on these things to pull out long pieces of string to wrap around boxes of chocolate cakes and cheese danishes, wax paper bundled T-bones and salmons and anything else that couldn’t magically seal itself.

Made of plaster and easily breakable, many of the string holders were human faces, chefs being among the most popular, to identify with the businesses on whose walls they were mounted. Tucked in back in the cavity of the big bulging face was a big ball of string that fed through a hole in the mouth so these guys always looked like like they were drooling. The wads of string had to be replaced several times a day so with all that handling, it’s a miracle that this chef has survived only in need of a good facial.

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hootenany-powder-mit_4035

This thing kills me. Not only does it still reek of the scent of the powder that was pumped into it five decades ago but it exemplifies a common marketing tactic taken by some of the most brilliantly kitschy products when a staunchly middle of the road company attempts to be hip and takes on a pop culture trend. In this case, it’s The Fuller Brush Company attempting to cash in on the folk singing craze of the early 1960s by covering a bath mit in fabric that looks like something that would have been stretched over the armrest of an Ethan Allan Early Americana couch.

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I don’t even know what half of the instruments are let alone what a Declaration of Independence type scroll, leaves or half of the other icons on this have to do with Bob Dylan, Peter, Paul & Mary or anyone else who  inspired teenagers and young adults to buy acoustic guitars, don turtlenecks and rip into a chorus of “If I Had A Hammer”.

The box is as brilliant as the mitt. I love the backdrop of musical notes, although I have no idea what the melody is as despite the copious number of hit songs I’ve written I don’t know how to read music. But that story’s for another time. What’s important here is the illustration of a pert and sunny sorority looking girl who’s more apt to be dancing in front of her TV with American Bandstand on than attending a Hootenanny while she’s being serenaded by the Ray-Ban man and  someone else whose pants are way too short.

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bacon-wallet_0974

It’s a fact that when bacon is involved in any of my KOTD posts the number of comments skyrocket. Makes sense to me as not only is it one of my (and others’ obviously) favorite foodstuff EVER but bacon’s long, straight design with undulating, bubbling edges allows it to translate well as a design element onto almost any object of decent size imaginable. Maybe it’s the element of danger or lving vicariously as, really, under what other circumstances would you want a greasy piece of bacon in your pocket?…

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…or on your shoes?:

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Made in China in 2006 for Accoutrements, the bacon wallet is still fresh and available at Archie McPhee.