14Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Why Yes Fly Me”… On My Way To SXSW!

14Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Why Yes Fly Me”… On My Way To SXSW!

This 18 inch tall plaster stewardess is a stone cold vestige of the late 1960’s spirit of flying, when both planes and the people that manned them became more then silver tubes and dark blue head-to-toe wardrobe, finally giving passengers something to look at both inside and out of the plane.

Complete with hot pants and go-go boots, this buxom stewardess sculpture is one of my favorite artifacts of that era.

I love that her little liquor cart also includes a vest should she get a little chilly.

I featured the lovely and demure “Why Yes, Fly Me” today because as we speak I’m boarding a plane to Austin, Texas to speak on a panel at SXSW.

If by any chance you’re going to be at SXSW, here’s where I’ll be:

“Indie Success: Caching in on Collaboration”
Tuesday March 15, 11:00AM
Hilton, Salon C, 500 East 4th Street

Here’s the official description of the panel: Since the web began we’ve been talking about artists having a career without a label and going directly to fans. We finally have examples of this working, so what does it look like? SXSW Veteran Heather Gold sits down with successful collaborating indie artists including: Allee Willis (September, Boogie Wonderland, The Color Purple, Theme from Friends, over 50 million albums sold), Mary Jo Pehl (Mystery Science Theatre 3000, RIfftrax, NPR) and Kenyatta Cheese (Know Your Meme, Rocketboom). The Net links almost every form of artistic making, so it makes sense that we’re in an era of increasing collaboration and creation in many forms. We’ll find out how limitations and openness serve them in an era of “personal brands”. We’ll find out how they deal with rights, friendship and creating the best space in which to collaborate. We’ll also dig into their collaborative process in making social experiences, music, video and comedy and find out how they’ve succeeded creatively and in every other way.

Things have changed a lot for artists since 1976 when “Why Yes, Fly Me” was flying.

Though not much has changed for me when it comes to traveling. I’m not a big one for air travel – not because I’m scared of flying but because it kills the whole day. I’m not one for big conferences or a lot of walking either. SXSW should be interesting…

I’ll be posting my adventures on all these things I’m not so big on over the next few days so stay tuned. In the meantime, pretend this lovely stewardess is serving you a nice little cup of  steaming nuts and pouring you a fresh glass of champagne.

That’s where I’m hoping my state of mind will be in my thankfully-aisle seat as I, who also am not one for sweating, head to ultra-humid Austin to blab on about interactivity, social media and thriving in an open, independent cyber world. That ‘s something I AM big on. In fact, as big as “Why Yes, Fly Me’s” biggest assets:

13Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – If You’re Heading To SXSW….

13Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – If You’re Heading To SXSW….

…come see me and my latest piece of technology, this 1960’s wrist transisitor radio, on the “Indie Success: Caching in on Collaboration” panel, Tuesday March 15, 11:00AM at the Hilton, Salon C, 500 East 4th Street. Here’s what me and my wrist accessory will be talking about:

“Since the web began we’ve been talking about artists having a career without a label and going directly to fans. We finally have examples of this working, so what does it look like?

SXSW Veteran Heather Gold sits down with successful collaborating indie artists including: Allee Willis (September, Boogie Wonderland, The Color Purple, Theme from Friends, over 50 million albums sold), Mary Jo Pehl (Mystery Science Theatre 3000, RIfftrax, NPR) and Kenyatta Cheese (Know Your Meme, Rocketboom). The Net links almost every form of artistic making, so it makes sense that we’re in an era of increasing collaboration and creation in many forms. We’ll find out how limitations and openness serve them in an era of “personal brands” We’ll find out how they deal with rights, friendship and creating the best space in which to collaborate. We’ll also dig into their collaborative process in making social experiences, music, video and comedy and find out how they’ve succeeded creatively and in every other way.”

Arriving in Austin tomorrow night.  See you there on Tuesday. My biggest message: As much as it’s about technology, it’s about a charming personality…

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(Photo with my Royal typewriter, bought with my allowance money when I was 13, by Jennie Warren)

09Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Apple Comb

09Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Apple Comb

In terms of junking up ordinary items in extraordinary ways I can usually depend on products that come in packaging with horrendously poor translations, as is often the case with my favorite foreign company of insane accessories, Daiso Japan. Among other things, I would say that this is clearly a comb despite labeling that claims otherwise.

And despite it being an Apple Comb or even an Apple Hair Brush, a couple of cherries have snuck in. So wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to call it a Fruit Comb or Fruit Hair Brush?

There are several wonderful things about the warning on the back of the Fruit I mean Apple Comb:

It’s pretty clear to me that a comb is meant to be used on hair and only an idiot, perhaps someone who thought this was a hair brush, would be in need of an instruction like “do not use if any symptoms such as scratch, boil, eczema and swolleness occur.” I don’t like to think of such extrusions when I’m stroking my locks. As for “Do not directly apply wax and essence on the brush”, I have no idea what essence is and, as I said, I don’t see a brush anywhere in this package. And, regardless of whether this is a brush or comb, I would not want it to cause “damages on my skin”, especially “when got dirty”. The text on the front must have been written by the same translator:

“We are going to return our customers favor with better products.Intelligent choice! Practical choice! We believe your best choice.”I think the best choice would have been to also put the design on the back of the comb as you never know which way a person is going to hold their comb and/or hairbrush.

But no matter how you hold your comb, choose your fruit, part your hair, or struggle to make sense of the packaging, the Apple Fruit Comb Hair Brush is one pretty l’il thing!

07Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Huge Vintage Mosaic Poodle

07Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Huge Vintage Mosaic Poodle

I have quite a collection of large framed vintage mosaic pieces and this massive 19″ x 33″ poodle is unquestionably one of the best in breed. First of all, with all of his gaps and glue blobs he’s obviously someone’s crafts project:

I also like all his bulbous tufts of fur:

I do wish he had little pink or red fingernails on his paws though. One splash of accent color always helps a visual.

I have a lot of other large framed mosaics, among them this homage to the World Of The Future that’s mounted on one side of my bedroom dresser:

Then there’s this homemade homage to orange tones that I use as a table top:

I used to use this hulking 20″ x 60″ blue and gold tile piece as a table top but I like it better sunken into the face of the counter that’s built over the foundation of my house downstairs in the rec room:

There’s also this fantastic bar tableau:

It’s the front of a homemade (not by me) bar I found for $5 at a thrift shop about 10 years ago.

There’s also this 9″ x 24″ musical instruments mosaic that hangs in my recording studio:

All beautiful, though it’s hard to compete with the personality of a well groomed poodle.

Especially this one that greets anyone who walks into my kitchen:

06Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Avon Miss Lollypop Cologne Mist

06Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Avon Miss Lollypop Cologne Mist

Though she’s a little smudged, this early 70’s bottle of Avon Miss Lollypop Cologne Mist still smells as good as she did back in the day. Which wasn’t very good but very unmistakably Avon. Which, if you’re a collector, is very good.

Though she’s missing her little plastic spritzer thing, I did douse myself with Miss Lollypop once using the spritzer thing from a can of spray paint. Although I might have gotten a little Krylon Totally Tangerine in the mix, that was enough to let me know that the rest of Miss Lollypop will remain forever in the bottle as I don’t want to walk around attracting raccoons or smelling like a just sprayed piece of furniture.

I do love her her stylish hat…

… and pert little expression.

Avon used the same face for their Cherry Lip Pop.

FYI, I grabbed that last photo off Ebay so I’m not responsible for the grunge-that-should-go-where-no-lip-has-gone around the bottom of the tube.

Miss Lollypop might have originally come with a little rick rack choker judging from another photo of her I found online. Then again, some Avon smelling person may have loved her so much that they just made some jewelry for her.

Miss Lollypop is loaded with 3 Fl.oz of pink, pretty fun. If I knew I would feel as happy and confidant as she looks I would spray some on right now.

01Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – MACHO Sport Scent

01Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – MACHO Sport Scent

This is the kind of product I love finding in dollar stores. So generically named it’s pathetic, a label that’s crooked and not quite centered and a product that looks more like mouthwash than after shave. Not that I have any use for MACHO Sports Scent but I feel an obligation as Minister of Kitsch to pick these things up when I see them.

I love the description on the back:

If I were the manufacturer I don’t think I’d be encouraging anyone to use this as “invigorating refreshment”. And, “Specially formulated with a classic masculine scent” could go either way… masculine after the gym, masculine after sex, masculine pre-sex… Exactly masculine when?

I did muster up the stuff take a whiff of MACHO. Thankfully, it doesn’t smell like sweat, which is what I was most expecting a “sport scent” to smell like. It does, however, smell like it’s been sitting around in a bathroom cabinet since the 1960s. Which is exactly what a kitsch lover wants from a brilliant dollar store toiletry product such as MACHO.


28Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Styled In Hollywood” Tootsie Palette

28Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Styled In Hollywood” Tootsie Palette

This Tootsie Palette is one of the first things I found in a thrift shop after moving to Hollywood in 1976. I was so excited I could finally have feet like the stars!

Well, at least toes like the stars if I ever got it together to slide my tootsies into this awkward little gadget with the adjustable toe dividers.

Thank you to the as-requested-unnamed foot model for this little demonstration:

As the package says, you can even romp around in your Tootsie Palettes while your little tootsies are drying.

But that means you have to slip into the “portable” Tootsie Palettes also included.

And that means only half of your foot is given support should you choose to change locations while your little piggies are drying. But not to worry as the instructions make it clear they won’t fall off your feet because the black velvet ties “Hold With a Single Turn…NO KNOTS Necessary.”

For anything to demand that many capital letters I would expect a revolutionary, newly patented fastening method. But as you can see from the rhinestones and their quite normal backings, if you don’t knot the straps not only will you get blisters on the bottom of your feet from the half-only palette but also risk skin burn when you rip the tape off your feet you’ll need to hold these things on.

But despite straps that are barely long enough to knot and a piece of hard plastic that causes arch pain if worn long enough, it’s hard not to get excited about a foot beauty product that’s this excited about itself:


Although I love the little Toosie Palette logo, the shape could have easily been adapted into both a palette and a foot. From this…

…to this:

But aside from whatever deficiencies it might have, I think the “Styled In Hollywood” Tootsie Palette is about as great a Hollywood inspired kitsch product as there is.  Why aspire to be great, to be gifted in the creative arts, to win an Oscar, to rise above all the obstacles in your path to achieve greatness when you can just have beautifully polished toes?

27Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1976 Do-It-Yourself Oscar Kit

27Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1976 Do-It-Yourself Oscar Kit

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This is a product worthy of an Oscar for Best Kitsch, a fake wood cardboard stand-up “plaque” that looks suspiciously like the piece of cardboard that comes with any cheap picture frame, stapled on, staples askew, emblazoned with a cheap gold embossed sticker with three imprints, none of which have anything to do with the Academy Awards other than a trophy featuring a nude female athlete that kinda sorta is in that Oscar trophy pose. All of this is encased in a really cheap brittle plastic enclosure that’s tinted gold to make it look more “fancy”.

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The writing on the package slays me. As if any idiot wouldn’t know to “INSCRIBE IN ALLOTED SPACE YOUR OWN GRAND AWARD WITH ANY BALLPOINT PEN”.  How well written! And how worthy of ALL CAPS!

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These “Awards for those you Love and Admire” – I guess ALL THREE stickers are Oscar worthy despite the lack of tie-in – were made by Syd Art Novelty Company, Inc. of New York in 1976.

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The Do-It-Yourself Oscar is “Fun Giving for Gags”. Then come the words “Sports” and “Occasions.”, the latter of which somehow also merits a period.

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Perhaps next time Syd Art could hire an actual writer rather than some family member to create language for a product that supposedly honors achievements in creativity.

Another excellent feature of this prestigious award replica is that the price tag is still on and it’s from the Hollywood Magic store, a relic a lot older than this do-it-yourself Oscar, that’s still alive and well on Hollywood Boulevard, just down the street from where the real Oscars take place tonight.

May you feel like an Oscar winner today! If so, get your Sharpie out.

22Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ghetto Fab Michael Jackson Sphinx Pendant and Storm Lee’s Birthday Soirée

22Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ghetto Fab Michael Jackson Sphinx Pendant and Storm Lee’s Birthday Soirée

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Sunday night I went to Storm Lee’s birthday party. He’s a great singer and killed it on The X Factor, the British version of Simon Cowell’s follow-up to American Idol, soon to debut here in the states. Storm and I have only rendezvoused a few times, once at his birthday party and then when he came over after we met at a party a few months ago. We got along famously from the second he walked in my place. First of all, he had on excellent kitsch bling, a bulbous brass Mickey Mouse ring.

When I admired bulbous Mickey, he immediately gave me this:

Anyone who walks into your house for the first time bearing gifts is pleasure enough. But when they hit it on the nose as severely as a sunglassed, gold grilled Michael-Jackson-as-the-Sphynx pendant you can only hope that their personality is as good as their taste in gifts as this could be the start of a wonderful friendship not to mention music collaboration. It’s an even better sign when you’re both wearing the same shoes, albeit different colors.

I believe in synchronicity. My life has always gone that way. I won’t be aware of anything and then something so pertinent to the immediate events in your life shows up all of a sudden, perfectly timed. That’s how it was with Storm and the Michael Jackson sphynx pendant.

The sphinx has always held special significance to me as I got my big music break with Earth, Wind & Fire, a group whose graphics and sets prominently feature Egyptian icons. Within hours of Storm gaving me the pendant, I went to a party for a soon-to-be-released documentary about the Fender Rhodes, the preeminent electric keyboard. I was in the documentary singing my first EWF hit, “September”, with Larry Dunn, the group’s original keyboard player who played the Rhodes on “September” and all my other EWF songs. The segment was filmed at my house a few months earlier. I had only seen Larry once since the early 80s and he had absolutely no idea that it was my house he was coming to to film the documentary. So the fact that I was seeing him once again on the very night that the MJ sphinx was bestowed upon me felt highly synchronistic to me. Here I am that night wearing it with Larry:

I remember not being happy with my choice of glasses. But Michael-as-sphnyx drew so much attention I didn’t have to worry about people focusing on my face.

So Sunday night it was only natural that I wear MJ sphynx to the person who gave it to me’s birthday party.

Also at the party celebrating Storm and admiring the sphinx were (L-R) International Chanteuse, Morganne, ASCAP’s Brendan Okent, and songwriters Robin Lerner and Ken Hirsch…

…and Jim Budman, not in the floral arrangement, who I came with and have known since I was a teenager in Detroit.

Did I mention that Michael Jackson-as-sphinx can also be worn as a pin?

I always appreciate when something is multifunctional.

I am multifunctional. And now Storm is multifunctional as both friend and music co-conspirator!