Allee Willis Blog » Kitsch O’ The Day

12Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Karatist Preacher” Deals God’s Power In One Mighty Blow

12Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Karatist Preacher” Deals God’s Power In One Mighty Blow

karatist-preacher-mike-crain-lp

Man of greased-Beatles-bowl-haircut and beauty-parlor-cape-karate suit chops styrofoam looking concrete blocks in efforts to deliver the mighty message of God. But 14 slices of prime LP cheese in the name of the Lord later, Crane is the real deal, a Preacher and master of Kung-Fu and Karate for 45+ years with a 10th degree black belt equivalency.

Called ‘the hard-headed preacher’ for his talent of breaking things like 1,950 pounds of ice using only his body, Crain is also famous for his “Human Sandwich of Death” feat in which he broke a 1,675 pound concrete slab with a 20-pound sledge hammer while laying between two beds of nails with the concrete on top. But the Karatist Preacher is perhaps best known for his samurai skills, sending Michael Jordan to the hospital for three stitches after his sword slipped while slicing a watermelon laying on Jordan’s stomach. No lie.

In the ultimate master business plan Crain uses Kung-Fu and Karate to attract an audience to the church sponsoring him and then follows his martial arts demonstrations by preaching the Gospel that started with this amazing LP.

Man of greased-Beatles-bowl-haircut and beauty-parlor-cape-karate suit chops concrete blocks in efforts to deliver the mighty message of God. But 14 slices of prime LP cheese in the name of the Lord later, Crane is the real deal, a Preacher and master of Kung-Fu and Karate for 45+ years with a 10th degree black belt equivalency.

Called ‘the hard-headed preacher’ for his talent of breaking things like 1,950 pounds of ice using only his body, Crain is also famous for his “Human Sandwich of Death” feat in which he broke a 1,675 pound concrete slab with a 20-pound sledge hammer while laying between two beds of nails with the concrete on top of him. But the Karatist Preacher is perhaps best known for his samurai skills, sending Michael Jordan to the hospital for three stitches after his sword slipped while slicing a watermelon laying on Jordan’s stomach. No lie.

In the ultimate master business plan, Crain uses Kung-Fu and Karate to attract an audience to the church sponsoring him and then follows his martial arts demonstrations by preaching the Gospel that started with this amazing LP.

09Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Talking Julia Doll

09Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Talking Julia Doll

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In 1968, not only did Julia become the first African American career woman on television but Diahann Carroll became the first African American lead ever in a TV series. Although it was dismissed by some for not being political enough and reflecting a more radical Civil Rights stance, Julia ran for 86 episodes and finally broke the color barrier on television.

I loved Julia most for all the memorabilia it spawned. I have the pull string talking doll shown here, the 3’x4′ promo poster that accompanied it’s release in 1970, three Viewmaster reels, Colorforms and four lunchboxes.

There’s another version of the doll called Julia Twist that comes dressed in a less elegant dressed in a nurses uniform and with a turnable waist. I used to own her but I twisted her too far and now am left with only upper Julia and lower Julia. Additional outfits, all Barbie fashions, had names like Brrr-Furrr, Candlelight Capers, Leather Weather, Pink Fantasy and Leather Weather and could be added to both Julia dolls, turning the reserved medical assistant into a bumpin’ party gal.

In 1968, not only did Julia become the first African American career woman on television but Diahann Carroll became the first African American lead ever in a TV series. Although it was dismissed by some for not being political enough and reflecting a more radical Civil Rights stance, Julia ran for 86 episodes and is credited with breaking the color barrier on television.

I loved Julia most for all the memorabilia it spawned. In addition to the pull string talking doll I have the 3’x4′ promo poster that accompanied it’s release in 1970, three Viewmaster reels, Colorforms and four lunchboxes.

There’s another version of this doll called Julia Twist that turns at the waist and comes with a very elegant wardrobe. I used to own her but I twisted her too far and now am left with only upper Julia and lower Julia. The outfits, all Barbie fashions, had names like Brrr-Furrr, Candlelight Capers, Leather Weather and Pink Fantasy and could be added to both Julia dolls, instantly turning the reserved medical assistant into a bumpin’ party gal.

Brrr-Furrr red: Candlelight Capers:

09Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Vintage Oscar Mayer Wienerwhistle

09Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Vintage Oscar Mayer Wienerwhistle

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To honor Oscar Mayer’s passing yesterday at age 95, here’s an original 1952 Wienerwhistle, 1 and 3/4 inches long and plenty of toot left. In the 50’s these were given away at Wienermobile appearances and in ’58 were packaged with the wienies themselves. In ’64, Wienerwhistles were sold in vending machines at the New York World’s Fair for two cents.

What’s really bizarre is that I’ve looked at this Weinerwhistle in my kitchen for years. Since I’ve been doing Kitsch O’ The Day, 119 days now, there’s not a day that’s passed that I haven’t thought ‘I should do the Wienerwhistle.’ Yesterday, before I learned that Oscar Mayer had passed away and despite having already written my Fat Superman Kitsch O’ The Day post, I got the sudden urge to finally write about the whistle. After I finished it I decided to go with Fat Superman anyway as I realized I had just done a hot dog post last Saturday for July 4th. When I went to my Facebook home page to make sure Fat Superman actually posted – FB has been having TONS of tech malfunctions lately – there was a post from a friend saying that Oscar Mayer had just passed away within the last hour. I don’t know if it’s me or my Wienerwhistle that has psychic powers but something was going on somewhere….

To honor Oscar Mayer’s passing yesterday at age 95, here’s an original 1952 Wienerwhistle, 1 and 3/4 inches long and plenty of toot left. In the 50’s these were given away at Wienermobile appearances and in ’58 were packaged with the wienies themselves. In ’64, Wienerwhistles were sold in vending machines at the New York World’s Fair for two cents each.

What’s really bizarre is that I’ve looked at this Weinerwhistle everyday on the window ledge in my kitchen for years. Since I’ve been doing Kitsch O’ The Day, 115 days now, there’s not a day that’s passed that I haven’t thought ‘I should do the Wienerwhistle.’ Yesterday, before I learned that Oscar Mayer had passed away and despite having already written my Fat Superman Kitsch O’ The Day post, I got the sudden urge to finally write about the whistle. After I finished it I decided to go with Fat Superman anyway as I realized I had just done a hot dog post last Saturday for July 4th. After I uploaded it I went to my Facebook home page to make sure Fat Superman actually posted – FB has been having TONS of tech malfunctions lately – and there was a post from a friend saying that Oscar Mayer had just passed away within the last hour. I don’t know if it’s me or my Wienerwhistle that has psychic powers but something was going on somewhere…

More Weinerwhistles: Later repro versions had a yellow paper label and a little car base for the dog to rest on.

Then there’s this one from 1988, a whole package of wienies and enough holes to play the Oscar Mayer theme song:

2004 spotting of the updated Wienermobile on the 101N. freeway in LA:

1965 commercial for the dogs:

RIP Oscar Mayer. Long live your wieners.

08Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fat Superman Velvet Painting

08Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fat Superman Velvet Painting

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Made in Tijuana in 1998, this velvet portrait suffers from an over prescription of Kitsch which causes the Carrott Top pumped-to-within-an-inch-of-bursting-his-skin steroidal physique rather than the normal man size of George Reeves who this is a portrait of. This plump-as-a-Thanksgiving-turkey Superman is more apt to pop some Creatine and protein powder than leap off a tall building where he’d most certainly sink like a rock.

07Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Michael Jackson Jigsaw Puzzle

07Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Michael Jackson Jigsaw Puzzle

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Titled ‘A Shining Star’, this 24″x18″ Colorforms puzzle, 500+ pieces, allowed you to assemble MJ’s red leather Thriller outfit and face at its best. Ultimately, the biggest puzzle of Michael’s life may be how he died but when this jigsaw puzzle came out in 1984, as again now, there’s no mystery as to why he was the biggest Popstar in the world. R.I. P. M. J.

06Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Billy Dee Williams Colt 45 Lighted Sign

06Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Billy Dee Williams Colt 45 Lighted Sign

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Though slightly past his prime 70’s days and seemingly a bit more sophisticated than the malt liquor he endorsed, Billy Dee Williams stayed finely oiled by downing the guaranteed-to-make-your-brain-spin Colt 45 in the 1980’s. He took much criticism for his association with the king of malt liquors but made a kwintessential Kitsch komment when he rebuked his kritics with “I drink, you drink. Hell, if marijuana was legal, I’d appear in a commercial for it.” I’ll have 40 ounces now, please.

05Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Billie Jean King “Queen Of Tennis” Sun Socks

05Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Billie Jean King “Queen Of Tennis” Sun Socks

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These little socklets were made by Bonnie Doon in 1972 after Billie Jean won her fourth Wimbledon win and became the first female athlete to win $100,000 in a single year. Billie Jean was one of the first female athletes ever to stack up endorsement deals, the first being Alice Coachman, an African American who won a track and field gold medal in the 1948 Olympics and snagged a deal with Coca-Cola.

I know I missed the Wimbledon Woman’s Finals by one day but I would have been remiss had I not featured the death defying peanut butter and bacon hot dog recipe yesterday for the 4th. These billie Jean sun socks soak up all the foot gunk produced pounding the court as well as all the toxins sweating out after an indulgent hot dog feast.

These little socklets were made by Bonnie Doon in 1972 after Billie Jean won her fourth Wimbledon win and became the first female athlete to win $100,000 in a single year. Billie Jean was one of the first female athletes ever to stack up endorsement deals, the first being Alice Coachman, an African American athlete who won a track and field gold medal in the 1948 Olympics and snagged a deal with Coca-Cola.

I know I missed the Wimbledon Woman’s Finals by one day but I would have been remiss had I not featured the death defying peanut butter and bacon hot dog recipe yesterday for the 4th. These Billie Jean sun socks soak up all the foot gunk produced pounding the court as well as all the toxins sweating out after an indulgent hot dog feast.

04Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy 4th O’ July Hot Dog Platter & Ultimate Hot Dog Recipe

04Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy 4th O’ July Hot Dog Platter & Ultimate Hot Dog Recipe

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Nothing like dancing and lounging weiners roasting themselves upon which to plate the ultimate junk food junket of never-ending dogs and burgers this 4th of July. As long as the dachsund featured in the middle, this hefty 20″x16″ ceramic platter has five compartments to load up weinies and associated condiments. Made in 1958 by Lane & Co. California Pottery, I’ve been lucky enough to find three of these over the years. It’s the perfect platter to serve my favorite goopy hot dogs on, recipe below.

Now, here’s the ultimate junk food big dog recipe from the 1950 classic, the Big Boy Barbecue Book. Satisdogtion gua®anteed!

03Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – ‘If This Van’s A Rockin Don’t Bother Knockin’ Tin Sign

03Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – ‘If This Van’s A Rockin Don’t Bother Knockin’ Tin Sign

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Swingin’ 70’s aluminum sign from the burgeoning van culture that proliferated in that decade as folks realized they could have living rooms and love lairs on wheels. Zebra coital caves, Disco dens and the like popped up like weeds on the highway and a new automotive accessories market was born that included heart shaped bubble windows, car bars, massive sound systems and waterbeds. Movies like 1977’s Supervan and The Van, featuring the song “Chevy Van”, popularized the free-lovin’-with-matching-vehicles lifestyle.

02Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Orbitz, Drink Of Champions!

02Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Orbitz, Drink Of Champions!

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I went insane the first time I saw this drink when it was introduced in 1996. The little floaty balls hanging in space had the perfect Atomic look so I didn’t care what it tasted like, this was going to be my new official drink. In fact, Orbitz sent me ten cases of the stuff when they sponsored one of my biggest birthday parties ten years ago. Although all my guests snatched bottles to take home as souvenirs I was one of the only folks actually guzzling it down. So I still have cases of the stuff, color intact, which I won’t touch as Orbitz was taken off the market due to poor sales and I’ve got the ultimate collector’s stash.

Orbitz was a non carbonated fruit-flavored soft drink made by the Clearly Canadian Beverage Corporation. It came in Pineapple Banana Cherry Coconut (my favorite), Raspberry Citrus, Blueberry Melon Strawberry, Vanilla Orange, Black Currant Berry and Charlie Brown Chocolate. From Wikipedia: The small balls floated due to their nearly equal density to the surrounding liquid and remained suspended with assistance from an ingredient known as gellan gum. The gellan gum provided a support matrix—something like a microscopic spider web–and had a visual clarity approaching that of water, which increased with the addition of sugar.

I’m pretty sure the only profit Orbitz ever made was when they sold their name to the internet travel company. But it shall always be #1 in my Atomic eyes.

R.I.P (original) Orbitz.