Allee Willis Blog » Kitsch O’ The Day

03Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Mayonnaise Case

03Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Mayonnaise Case

mayonaisse-case_2461

This is one of the craziest and most spectacular products I’ve ever seen. It’s a Mayonnaise Case, made in Japan. You flip the little monkey head up by lifting the banana latch which is actually a little spoon to scoop and spread your mayonnaise with once opened. I’ve never heard of anyone carrying around mayonnaise, not to mention that a thimble would hold more than this case does, so I’m not sure what good spreading a dime sized dollop of mayo is going to do anyone anyway. And I sure wouldn’t want it living in the bottom of my purse for a week, where it’s certain to fall because of its diminutive size.

Some people get freaked out by mayonnaise. I love it. It’s the glue that holds so many sandwiches together.

I know know that many of us here in America eat like pigs but honestly, the amount of mayonnaise contained within covers maybe too dainty bites. Thankfully, the package holds two mayonnaise cases.

Lucky for us who are less familiar with mayonnaise cases, the manufacturer, Daiso industry, includes handy instructions though I personally could use some instructions for the instructions.

I get not putting it near a fire or not using it in the oven but I wouldn’t even know how to use it “with” the freezer. I perhaps might be tempted to use it “in” the freezer, though frozen mayonnaise has never appealed to me. And common sense tells me I would “never give it to the baby” though I would think that the danger would be the baby trying to eat it by mistake as opposed to “drinking by mistake”.

In a few days, I fly to Madison, Wisconsin to conduct the marching band at my alma mater, the University of Wisconsin, when they play several of my songs at the Homecoming football game. I always take some food along when I travel and that usually includes a sandwich or two. I must admit that sometimes I sink my choppers into a tuna fish sandwich and think, “Gee, I wish I had more mayonnaise”. So I think these two little monkeys might just accompany me to see the UW Badgers. Of course, the big food in Madison is is bratwurst, sometimes referred to as “Wisconsin Soul Food”. I don’t suppose that spreading a little white stuff on them will diminish any of the funkiness.

03Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 13

03Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 13

In this Lego Star Wars recreation, “The galactic civil war is finally over and peace has been achieved. The surviving members of the Empire have reconciled and joined the party. But what to do in this time of happiness? DANCE!!!” This stop motion dance fest proves that Fenderboy105 is a better Lego builder than choreographer, though his attempts are noble. The little Star Wars cast does their thing but without any sense of rhythm or editing to accents or tops of verses and choruses, the kind of things dancers wait for to spike their expression. An admirable effort to be sure but with a greater musical sense this could’ve elevated to a higher universe.

For a more through exploration of my “365 Days Of September” mission as well as details of how the song was written, go here. Until tomorrow, ba-de-ya!

02Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 12

02Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 12

As someone who likes to video as many momentous occasions in their life as possible I’m often in the position of having to set a tripod in inconspicuous spots to capture all the action. I suppose that’s what happened here but I can’t figure out who exactly wanted their action captured as the most predominant documentation we get is a nice view of a balding head. I’m going to place my money on the drummer though, who plays the most curious rhythm on his sticks before they actually hit the intro cymbals.

Even if not played so spectacularly, a song like “September” has a tremendous amount of energy. A lot of times in songs that exhibit less energy, musicians add modulations in expectation that it will drive the pulse higher and higher. The Funny Fellows Jazz Orchestra of Tokyo wastes no time getting to the modulation! This is one of the only times I’ve ever heard a modulation occur in this song (or any) before the verse even begins. All else sails along in good Big Band form though it sounds like some of the horn players may have snuck a little nip before the show.

For a more through exploration of my “365 Days Of September” mission as well as details of how the song was written, go here. Until tomorrow, ba-de-ya!

01Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 11

01Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 11

One of the more spirited accapella versions by ASU’s Higher Ground at Elon University’s ACAPPALLOOZA 2007, albeit earbending at times. I was going to attribute some of the flatness to bad monitors but the longer this went on the more seasick I got until my head was one big swirl of sloppy muck. Then I read some of the comments and the lead singer confessed he was indeed “a l’il tipsy”. I think he shared some of that tipsy with at least a couple other of his fellow Acappalloozains. So grab some motion sickness pills and earplugs and enjoy!

For a more through exploration of my “365 Days Of September” mission as well as details of how the song was written, go <a href=”../2010/09/21/allee-willis-kitsch-o-the-day-6/”>here</a>. Until tomorrow, ba-de-ya!

30Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1960’s Church & Funeral Fans, Wienerschnitzel and The Color Purple

30Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1960’s Church & Funeral Fans, Wienerschnitzel and The Color Purple

church-fans_3405

I bought my first African American church fan in the late 1970’s but my collection really kicked into gear after I worked with James Brown in the mid-80s. He always told me my music was so hot and picked up the fan to “cool himself down”. So after that I always bought the fans when I saw them cheap enough. But the collection blasted into overdrive when I began writing The Color Purple musical in 2001. The very first time Alice Walker, the author of the original book, came over I gave her her choice of over 50 fans. I used them all the time with Brenda Russell and Stephen Bray, my music co-writers, but sadly can’t seem to find any photos of us cooling ourselves. But anytime anyone came over to hear any of the music they always listened with church fan in hand. I think we had just finished one of the Church Ladies’ songs when this group, including Alfre Woodard, Lorraine Toussaint, Stephanie Burton, Peter Hastings, Roderick Spenser and Maggie Wheeler (Janice on Friends), came over.

As often as they came from churches, the fans were also a hot promotional item given out by funeral homes. They usually portrayed a gorgeous, dressed in their Sunday best, peaceful looking, happy family. The fans I’m featuring today aren’t necessarily my favorites so much as I love that they all feature white hats. This first one comes from the Brown & Robertson Funeral Home in Picayune, Miss. According to the back of the fan, they offer “A Dignified Service in a Sympathetic Way”.

This next one comes from the Jones-Gaines & Sons Funeral Home in Topeka, Kansas, “Serving Topeka Area Families With Over 51 Years of Courteous and Efficient Service”.

This one’s courtesy of the Dykes Funeral home in Covington, VA. “Consideration for the Living–Reverence for the Dead”.

And finally there’s this one from John Q. Adams of Victoria, Texas that says simply “Ladies Hose & Shoes”. I’m assuming that that does not refer to a selection in the funeral home so I guess the fans were available to any business that wanted to hand them out.

I took a fan with me last night when I crawled along the 101 to Thousand Oaks to see the Second National Tour of my musical, The Color Purple. After 2-1/2 years on Broadway and a three-year First National Tour, this was going to be my first time seeing this all new production and cast.

There was a huge traffic jam on the freeway for about 7 miles because of an accident on the other side. Los Angeles has just gotten over record-breaking heat so people were a little more cuckoo in their cars than usual. I stayed cool because I had my fan and sensible shoes for driving.

I wish I could say that the show was fantastic but I ended up staying in my car on my Ipad for most of it because an idea I’ve been attempting to massage out of my head for several weeks finally decided to spill out while I was in line at Weinerschnitzel.

So I spent most of Act 1 pounding away in a parking lot under the glow of the yellow W neon. Having driven all the way to Thousand Oaks though, I made myself get to the theater.

I walked in during “Uh Oh”.

But this idea kept smacking against the front of my brain and I couldn’t open my Ipad in the theater because the last thing I wanted to do was distract anyone in that audience from what was going on on stage. So, knowing I had tickets to see the show the rest of the week, I joined my now-sitting-in-the-car-way-too-long-to-eat Wienerschnitzel and fan and headed back home.

29Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Soap Tunes” Musical Hand Soap and the ASCAP Love Fest

29Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Soap Tunes” Musical Hand Soap and the ASCAP Love Fest

soap-tunes_3400

The concept of this “Foaming Musical Hand Soap for Kids!” is really crazy. Theoretically kids can “wash & learn” at the same time. But the biggest thing they’re going to learn is that the quality of the speaker in this thing is so poor that the only one who could possibly hear the music clearly is an insect who somehow slipped through one of the speaker holes and got trapped in the goo, forced to listen to the nearly inaudible and annoying little gremlin voice singing something about washing around your face and continuously spelling S-O–A.–P.

Honestly, you have to hover so close to the bottle to hear anything that all most kids are going to get is a big squirt of soap in their mouths. In this case, it’s berry scented so perhaps there’s some nutritional value to it.

Not having kids perhaps this isn’t as novel of product as I think it is. What’s really novel these days though is having a hit in the music industry. I have a big fat hit right now, “Jungle Animal” by Pomplamoose and Allee Willis, but we made and released it independently so relatively few coins will accompany the constant viewing of the song on YouTube or listening to it on itunes or playing the game on my site. This is because I “washed my hands” of the music industry long ago.

I was much happier making music on my own so total creative control stayed with me and whoever I wrote with. The practice of getting songs on the radio often felt too “dirty” for my tastes, not to mention I thought most people in the industry were deaf, dumb and blind to the Internet throughout much of the 90’s, during which time had they not been so arrogant and clueless they would’ve had a chance to help define the medium and figure out how to derive income from it as the public more and more obtained their music for free. No one should ever turn their back on technology.

This was a big topic of discussion last night as I attended the ASCAP Love Fest, an annual party thrown to celebrate the ASCAP songwriters, of which I’m not one – I’m BMI – but have been lucky enough to be included in on the festivities every year as I write with so many ASCAP writers and love a lot of the people who work there.

I had an incredible time at the party because I go so far back with so many people there. The first person I bumped into was the first singer who ever heard a song of mine. In 1972, Bette Midler came to my apartment in Manhattan to hear the first two songs I ever wrote, “Childstar” and “Ain’t No Man Worth It”. She actually rehearsed both of them for her show but it wasn’t until years later with a song called “One More Round” that I finally got on one of her albums. I totally associate my first baby steps into show business with Bette. She was the first big global star that came out of my first show biz clique and that made it very exciting for all the rest of us as we struggled along to fame.

I know that photo’s a little blurry but I liked it better than this one:

Here I am with Allan Rich, Jason Gould and Marsha Malamet.

I go as far back with Allan and Marsha as I do Bette. By night I was the hat check girl at Catch a Rising Star which, along with the Improv, was the biggest comedy club in NY. By day, I slapped posters on telephone poles for the acts at Reno Sweeney, the most popular cabaret at the time. Allan sang at both clubs and Marsha played piano. When I moved to LA in 1976 I left my hat checking gig to Marsha. A few years later when Allan finally moved to LA he got his big break when he sold a pair of shoes to Barry Manilow, who we all knew from when he played for Bette, and slipped him a cassette with some of his songs on it.

Here I am with Holly Palmer, aka Cheesecake of Bubbles & Cheesecake, and Jon Lind, who I co-wrote “Boogie Wonderland” with.

I’m very proud of my technique of being able to take a photo with three people in it without having to ask someone I don’t know to take the photo. It works a little better with two people in it though as I can hold my arms a little lower:

Stephen Bishop and I both had an excellent run of hits in the 80’s. Every time we went to a big songwriting event they seated us at the same table because we were always the sharpest dressers.

Having seen so many old friends I’m really glad that before I left the house I smacked the top of my Soap Tunes – not because I got to hear the annoying, barely audible song again but to make sure I was clean and smelling nice. The part about using the soap is true but the part about smelling nice isn’t. As many people as I hugged last night I was completely aware that I smelled like a car air freshener the whole time. Thank God they all knew me for decades and know that a) I can write a good song and b) I’m capable of not smelling like a fruit orchard.

28Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Pigmy Will in “Chainsaw Hair Salon”

28Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Pigmy Will in “Chainsaw Hair Salon”

For any of you reading this who might not know “Pigmy Will” because this is the first animated one of the under-60-seconds series we’ve done in quite a while, it’s a horribly drawn/ much beloved chronicle of Pigmy Will, a diminutive yet eternally optimistic being whose best friends with a palm tree named Feathers and a pineapple on a tricycle named Whiska. They’re all the creations of me and Prudence Fenton, much more heavily tilted toward the latter, who IS Pigmy Will as she possesses an unnatural ability to thrust her voice into the ozone and come out with a sound that makes dogs hide under the nearest couch. If you remember the hi-pitched voice of the flowers in the window box in Pee-Wee’s Playhouse that was Prudence (who also created Penny). We write these, record them, voice them, score them, direct them and work with our animator, Alfonso, and engineer, Scott, to finish them. Here are two of my favorite “Pigmy Will”s:

“See My Dive”…

…and “The Counter”

Usually Pigmy Will appears twice daily as a still on his Facebook pages as well as on pigmywill.com, which we really just use as an archive. Both Prudence and I are fanatic photo takers so the Pigmy finds himself, Feathers and Whiska in a variety of exotic locales and situations. These aren’t even my favorites and none of them show off his foreign travels but they were sitting in an open folder so I just grabbed them to give you some idea:

I just realized that none of these stills contain Feathers or Whiska so am giving them their close-ups now.

Feathers…

…and Whiska:

I asked Pigmy Will where he’s taking all of this and here’s what he said: “I’m available for TV, film, magazine, newspaper and web syndication, coffee mugs, washrags, salt ‘n pepper shakers, sneakers, flip-flops, T-shirts, night shirts, hair shirts, hats, goggles, intimates, lamps, rugs, shower curtains, tricycles, surfboards, cutting boards, pie franchisings, and TicTac spokesman.”

Deet deet deet deet!

27Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 7

27Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 7

The kids at Fairview High do a noble job of singing and a much more ambitious job dancing than a lot of other high schools I’ve seen do “September” on Youtube. But, as the Grand Pooh Bah of Kitsch, the standout for me is the performance by the horn section. Either someone didn’t do their homework before they came to band practice or they’re just plain tone deaf. What it really sounds like to me is that the horn players got the big riffs down after the choruses and just figured they could coast through the single note accents. Which would have been fine had they managed to find the key. Far be it for me to not encourage someone to go farther in music because they’re un-schooled. I still don’t know how to read, notate or play a note of music, including “September” and anything else I’ve written, so I’m all in favor of doing it just for the love of it. I’m just sayin’, the horns are a standout, wayyyyy stand out.

For a more through exploration of my “365 Days Of September” mission as well as details of how the song was written, go here. Until tomorrow, ba-de-ya!

26Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Bagels and lox in Texas, 1979

26Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Bagels and lox in Texas, 1979

license-plate---bagel_3066

Every Sunday morning growing up the ritual was to go with my dad to the deli and buy bagels, lox, cream cheese, tomatoes, onions and white fish, the latter of which I never liked but all the foodstuffs named prior to it remain my favorite meal in life. The smell of bagels toasting in the kitchen, especially on Sunday, has remained intoxicating to me ever since. Had I lived in Texas in 1979 I would only hope that this would’ve been the license plate slapped on the front of my ’55 DeSoto. Seeing as it belonged to someone else I can only assume they had similar such love for the Jewish baked good by giving it such props as to adorn their car with it.

These days their license plate, acquired on Ebay, hangs in my kitchen over the toaster and has lots bagel friendly kitchen utensils to bond with, like this bagel knife and cream cheese spreader.

I don’t know why bagels always look so fake on bagel themed items. Like what’s the yellow ooze melting out around the cream cheese?

I’ve always thought that the bagels on this oven mitt look burnt, more like bagel chips than their legitimate older brother bagel self.

I think my matzoh oven mitt looks much more realistic.

I’m so completely exhausted by the activities of the last week, which included not only the release of my thankfully amazingly viral video, “Jungle Animal” by Pomplamoose and Allee Willis, but rehearsing conducting an imaginary 300 piece marching band in front of 82,000 imaginary people to get ready for my trip in a week and a half to my alma mater, the University of Wisconsin, where the real 300 strong marching band is going to play three of my songs, “September”, “Boogie Wonderland” – both hits in 1979 when this BAGLS license plate hung on a car from which these songs were most likely pouring out of the radio – and “I’ll Be There for You (the theme from Friends)”, as I conduct them in front of 82,000 real people at the Homecoming football game. You would think that this would come natural to the writer of the songs, and bouncing around to them certainly does, but I don’t read a stitch of music, and marching band versions differ from the records, and I’m going to conduct them two separate times, first at the tailgate party and then inside the stadium to kick off the show. So I intend to spend a large chunk of the day today making sure I have all the accents down cold.

As my normal Sunday stay-at-home routine is either to hunch over my computer barely moving as I catch up on work, or to lie in bed watching TV, even thinking about the amount of exercise I’m going to get from conducting makes me hungry. So I’m going to do warm up exercises – I’m going to stand up, stretch, walk into the kitchen and work my upper arm muscles by sawing through some bagels, stretch my arms by reaching for the toaster and give my lats a workout by using the fake bagel looking cream cheese spreader to smooth a layer of the white stuff across insides of the bagels once they’re toasted, and then repeat the entire exercise again. Then I’m going to take what will probably be a long hike around my house to find the two missing bagel salt shakers that go with these two loyal bagel pepper shakers.

It’s going to be a bagel kind of day.

24Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 4

24Sep 2010

Allee Willis’ “The 365 Days Of September” – Day 4

The Vertigo inducing ‘can I offer you some strobe?’ lighting and overuse of a smoke machine provide the perfect environment for “Margarita and the boys”, some of whom are clearly girls, to dance to “September” on this, Day 4 of the 365 day YouTube marathon. In searching for people “borrowing” my song “royalty free”, I can’t believe how many line dances there are to it. I always thought line dances were for country songs but now I know that line dances are for happy songs.

For a more through exploration of my “365 Days Of September” mission as well as details of how the song was written, go here. Until tomorrow, ba-de-ya!