29Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – No Credit Scarlett Johansson “Bath Towel”

29Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – No Credit Scarlett Johansson “Bath Towel”

Unmistakably Scarlett Johansson yet no mention of Scarlett anywhere and therefore no royalties for starlet Scarlett. Also, according to the name of the product, unmistakendly a bath towel, yet no towel in sight.

Perhaps a powder mitt with something that looks like ruffled panties glued on top…

… with an elastic underware cuff. But no bath towel.

You would think the text on the back of the package might explain the mystery of the “bath towel”….Perhaps…if you’re the kind of person who enjoys walking around endlessly in a maze.

If the black lines on the mitt, a mysterious design choice, prevent you from absorbing all of the text, here it is in somewhat plain English:

The product is made from mixed natural plant fiber,cotton and wool imported from Korea by adopting high–tech, which covers four categories and more then 80 varieties at high-level,medium and low-level,the products are mainly exported to over 20 countries and regious such as EU, South America and the Middle East etc Our company enjoys good reputation due to excellent quality complete varieties and high output. Bathing towel with particular weaving structure can completely clear away dirt and sweat, accelcrate cells metabolism,make skin smooth and tender.

I, for one, am looking forward to accelcrating in the regious I’m living in. And if anyone knows how to say “Loofah” in Chinese, please tell the Tianho Commodity Factory of China that’s what this thing is.

I practically broke my fingers typing the address of the website on the label into my computer to see what other exciting products dollarbest.com had to offer.  Appropriately and accurately enough it goes here, nowhere:

I love the blue geyser spewing out of Scarlett Johansson’s head.

I hope everyone who purchased a “Bath Towel” enjoys rubbing themselves down with Scarlett and I hope Scarlett at least got a free case of them.

28Mar 2011

Allee Willis Marches on Detroit! – A Benefit for Mumford High School

28Mar 2011

Allee Willis Marches on Detroit! – A Benefit for Mumford High School

Next week I’m going back to my home town, Detroit, to conduct my high school marching band playing a medley of my greatest hits in the lobby of the theater I grew up in before a performance of my musical, The Color Purple, with the cast leading a sing-along.  It’s a fundraiser to buy new uniforms for the Mumford marching band because with over 40 kids in the band, some of them are still marching around in threads from when I were there.  Although I never made marching band as I never learned to play an instrument. I never learned how to read music either which should make my conducting this event most interesting to say the least!

My high school was made famous in Beverly Hills Cop when Eddie Murphy wore a Mumford Phys Ed T-shirt throughout the film. I won a Grammy for Best Soundtrack for Beverly Hills Cop so my destiny and that of my high school  are inextricably linked.   Mumford is one of the largest schools in the city, 99% African-American and close to that percentage underprivileged. The Color Purple is about believing in and loving yourself, a rise from less nothing to everything that you never even dared to dream.  I want to instill that hope in these kids.

I know most of you don’t live in Detroit –  any of you who do please come to the Fox on Saturday April 9, from 11- 12:30 PM – but you  can still help us march. Please donate to help this most fabulous high school and help invigorate the spirit of Detroit.

And please forward the invitation or give the links to anyone you think might be interested in attending the event or donating to the cause. We need all the $$ we can get!

Invitation- https://www.alleewillis.com/mumfordinvite

All text version – https://www.alleewillis.com/mumfordinvite-text

Direct link to ticket/donation page: https://www.alleewillis.com/mumford

27Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 007 Rubber Bands

27Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 007 Rubber Bands

No mention of James Bond, no mention of Sean Connery, no mention of anything other than the fact that these are 007 Superior Quality Rubber Bands. All of which means the only thing secret agent about this is the bootleg nature of the product.

If I were a big James Bond collector I might feel ripped off, but being a kitsch collector I’m completely ecstatic! The more bastard the product, the more magnificent the kitsch pedigree.

The rubber bands themselves are pretty special. They’re listed as multicolored but I think that’s stretching it a bit given the paucity of color allotted to each.

The manufacturer didn’t even get it together to give themselves credit on the box. Perhaps so Agent 007 can’t track them down for copyright infringement. The only information at all on this 3″ x 3″ cube is that it’s “Packed by Tin Tin Bizarre, Inc.” Tin Tin Bizarre sounds like a great name for a Bond girl. Aside from that,everything about this product’s identity and MO is strictly top secret x 007.

14Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Why Yes Fly Me”… On My Way To SXSW!

14Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Why Yes Fly Me”… On My Way To SXSW!

This 18 inch tall plaster stewardess is a stone cold vestige of the late 1960’s spirit of flying, when both planes and the people that manned them became more then silver tubes and dark blue head-to-toe wardrobe, finally giving passengers something to look at both inside and out of the plane.

Complete with hot pants and go-go boots, this buxom stewardess sculpture is one of my favorite artifacts of that era.

I love that her little liquor cart also includes a vest should she get a little chilly.

I featured the lovely and demure “Why Yes, Fly Me” today because as we speak I’m boarding a plane to Austin, Texas to speak on a panel at SXSW.

If by any chance you’re going to be at SXSW, here’s where I’ll be:

“Indie Success: Caching in on Collaboration”
Tuesday March 15, 11:00AM
Hilton, Salon C, 500 East 4th Street

Here’s the official description of the panel: Since the web began we’ve been talking about artists having a career without a label and going directly to fans. We finally have examples of this working, so what does it look like? SXSW Veteran Heather Gold sits down with successful collaborating indie artists including: Allee Willis (September, Boogie Wonderland, The Color Purple, Theme from Friends, over 50 million albums sold), Mary Jo Pehl (Mystery Science Theatre 3000, RIfftrax, NPR) and Kenyatta Cheese (Know Your Meme, Rocketboom). The Net links almost every form of artistic making, so it makes sense that we’re in an era of increasing collaboration and creation in many forms. We’ll find out how limitations and openness serve them in an era of “personal brands”. We’ll find out how they deal with rights, friendship and creating the best space in which to collaborate. We’ll also dig into their collaborative process in making social experiences, music, video and comedy and find out how they’ve succeeded creatively and in every other way.

Things have changed a lot for artists since 1976 when “Why Yes, Fly Me” was flying.

Though not much has changed for me when it comes to traveling. I’m not a big one for air travel – not because I’m scared of flying but because it kills the whole day. I’m not one for big conferences or a lot of walking either. SXSW should be interesting…

I’ll be posting my adventures on all these things I’m not so big on over the next few days so stay tuned. In the meantime, pretend this lovely stewardess is serving you a nice little cup of  steaming nuts and pouring you a fresh glass of champagne.

That’s where I’m hoping my state of mind will be in my thankfully-aisle seat as I, who also am not one for sweating, head to ultra-humid Austin to blab on about interactivity, social media and thriving in an open, independent cyber world. That ‘s something I AM big on. In fact, as big as “Why Yes, Fly Me’s” biggest assets:

13Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – If You’re Heading To SXSW….

13Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – If You’re Heading To SXSW….

…come see me and my latest piece of technology, this 1960’s wrist transisitor radio, on the “Indie Success: Caching in on Collaboration” panel, Tuesday March 15, 11:00AM at the Hilton, Salon C, 500 East 4th Street. Here’s what me and my wrist accessory will be talking about:

“Since the web began we’ve been talking about artists having a career without a label and going directly to fans. We finally have examples of this working, so what does it look like?

SXSW Veteran Heather Gold sits down with successful collaborating indie artists including: Allee Willis (September, Boogie Wonderland, The Color Purple, Theme from Friends, over 50 million albums sold), Mary Jo Pehl (Mystery Science Theatre 3000, RIfftrax, NPR) and Kenyatta Cheese (Know Your Meme, Rocketboom). The Net links almost every form of artistic making, so it makes sense that we’re in an era of increasing collaboration and creation in many forms. We’ll find out how limitations and openness serve them in an era of “personal brands” We’ll find out how they deal with rights, friendship and creating the best space in which to collaborate. We’ll also dig into their collaborative process in making social experiences, music, video and comedy and find out how they’ve succeeded creatively and in every other way.”

Arriving in Austin tomorrow night.  See you there on Tuesday. My biggest message: As much as it’s about technology, it’s about a charming personality…

.

(Photo with my Royal typewriter, bought with my allowance money when I was 13, by Jennie Warren)

09Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Apple Comb

09Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Apple Comb

In terms of junking up ordinary items in extraordinary ways I can usually depend on products that come in packaging with horrendously poor translations, as is often the case with my favorite foreign company of insane accessories, Daiso Japan. Among other things, I would say that this is clearly a comb despite labeling that claims otherwise.

And despite it being an Apple Comb or even an Apple Hair Brush, a couple of cherries have snuck in. So wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to call it a Fruit Comb or Fruit Hair Brush?

There are several wonderful things about the warning on the back of the Fruit I mean Apple Comb:

It’s pretty clear to me that a comb is meant to be used on hair and only an idiot, perhaps someone who thought this was a hair brush, would be in need of an instruction like “do not use if any symptoms such as scratch, boil, eczema and swolleness occur.” I don’t like to think of such extrusions when I’m stroking my locks. As for “Do not directly apply wax and essence on the brush”, I have no idea what essence is and, as I said, I don’t see a brush anywhere in this package. And, regardless of whether this is a brush or comb, I would not want it to cause “damages on my skin”, especially “when got dirty”. The text on the front must have been written by the same translator:

“We are going to return our customers favor with better products.Intelligent choice! Practical choice! We believe your best choice.”I think the best choice would have been to also put the design on the back of the comb as you never know which way a person is going to hold their comb and/or hairbrush.

But no matter how you hold your comb, choose your fruit, part your hair, or struggle to make sense of the packaging, the Apple Fruit Comb Hair Brush is one pretty l’il thing!

07Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Huge Vintage Mosaic Poodle

07Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Huge Vintage Mosaic Poodle

I have quite a collection of large framed vintage mosaic pieces and this massive 19″ x 33″ poodle is unquestionably one of the best in breed. First of all, with all of his gaps and glue blobs he’s obviously someone’s crafts project:

I also like all his bulbous tufts of fur:

I do wish he had little pink or red fingernails on his paws though. One splash of accent color always helps a visual.

I have a lot of other large framed mosaics, among them this homage to the World Of The Future that’s mounted on one side of my bedroom dresser:

Then there’s this homemade homage to orange tones that I use as a table top:

I used to use this hulking 20″ x 60″ blue and gold tile piece as a table top but I like it better sunken into the face of the counter that’s built over the foundation of my house downstairs in the rec room:

There’s also this fantastic bar tableau:

It’s the front of a homemade (not by me) bar I found for $5 at a thrift shop about 10 years ago.

There’s also this 9″ x 24″ musical instruments mosaic that hangs in my recording studio:

All beautiful, though it’s hard to compete with the personality of a well groomed poodle.

Especially this one that greets anyone who walks into my kitchen:

06Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Avon Miss Lollypop Cologne Mist

06Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Avon Miss Lollypop Cologne Mist

Though she’s a little smudged, this early 70’s bottle of Avon Miss Lollypop Cologne Mist still smells as good as she did back in the day. Which wasn’t very good but very unmistakably Avon. Which, if you’re a collector, is very good.

Though she’s missing her little plastic spritzer thing, I did douse myself with Miss Lollypop once using the spritzer thing from a can of spray paint. Although I might have gotten a little Krylon Totally Tangerine in the mix, that was enough to let me know that the rest of Miss Lollypop will remain forever in the bottle as I don’t want to walk around attracting raccoons or smelling like a just sprayed piece of furniture.

I do love her her stylish hat…

… and pert little expression.

Avon used the same face for their Cherry Lip Pop.

FYI, I grabbed that last photo off Ebay so I’m not responsible for the grunge-that-should-go-where-no-lip-has-gone around the bottom of the tube.

Miss Lollypop might have originally come with a little rick rack choker judging from another photo of her I found online. Then again, some Avon smelling person may have loved her so much that they just made some jewelry for her.

Miss Lollypop is loaded with 3 Fl.oz of pink, pretty fun. If I knew I would feel as happy and confidant as she looks I would spray some on right now.

01Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – MACHO Sport Scent

01Mar 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – MACHO Sport Scent

This is the kind of product I love finding in dollar stores. So generically named it’s pathetic, a label that’s crooked and not quite centered and a product that looks more like mouthwash than after shave. Not that I have any use for MACHO Sports Scent but I feel an obligation as Minister of Kitsch to pick these things up when I see them.

I love the description on the back:

If I were the manufacturer I don’t think I’d be encouraging anyone to use this as “invigorating refreshment”. And, “Specially formulated with a classic masculine scent” could go either way… masculine after the gym, masculine after sex, masculine pre-sex… Exactly masculine when?

I did muster up the stuff take a whiff of MACHO. Thankfully, it doesn’t smell like sweat, which is what I was most expecting a “sport scent” to smell like. It does, however, smell like it’s been sitting around in a bathroom cabinet since the 1960s. Which is exactly what a kitsch lover wants from a brilliant dollar store toiletry product such as MACHO.