Allee Willis Blog

24Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Inflatable Fruitcake

24Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Inflatable Fruitcake

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This is the only version of this festive holiday treat (or torture, depending on how you look at it) that I can stand having in my house. I would sooner eat this plastic version than the real thing as fruitcake is one of those things that my tongue has never adjusted to. Made by Accoutrements and billed as “the fruitcake they’ll actually want to eat”, the package includes everything you need to send the flatter-than-pancake thank-God-it’s-not-real fruitcake to those you love (or hate) this holiday season.

22Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Stress Wiener

22Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Stress Wiener

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Everybody knows that the holidays induce stress, especially this year with the economy still sitting out on the sidelines. So just in time comes the Stress Wiener, “the squeezable food to improve your mood”. If I were the gambling type, I’d lay odds that this was a repackaged dog toy that came from the factory minus a squeaker. Whatever the case, I’m squeezing it hard with only three days left til blast-off.

20Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Christmas Pantyhose Dolls!

20Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Christmas Pantyhose Dolls!

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‘Tis the season to be celebrating all kinds of krazy krafts as the holidays seem to bring out the most enthusiastic and kitschy kualities in krafters. These kind of stuffed pantyhose dolls scare me more than Cabbage Patch dolls or apple people because it seems so gross to be using old garments that have snuggled so close to the sweet spot only to be caressed in their new lifeform like they were as fresh as the driven snow. Whoever made these has probably been stuffing their old pantyhose into a drawer since they first sprung on the market in the 1960s.

The wikipedia definition says that pantyhose are designed to:

be fashionable
ease chafing between the foot and footwear
keep the legs and feet warm
hide physical imperfections such as blemishes, bruises, scars, hair or varicose veins

I wouldn’t mind if its uses were confined to the above because the see-through skin on dolls with pantyhose skin also freaks me out. Not to mention the gingham and paisley outfits. I do love the ‘please don’t touch’ signs though. Don’t worry, I won’t. Merry Elephantiasis Christmas!

This fashionble bit of Kitsch is the winner of the prestigious Classique d’ Camembert award, the highest honor bestowed upon an object submitted to The Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch at awmok.com. I thank aKitschionado Jason Mercier for his excellent and discerning taste.

13Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Chanukah! SHALOM Barbie Bathrobe

13Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Chanukah! SHALOM Barbie Bathrobe

shalombathrobe Not only is Barbie always stylish she’s apparently Jewish or at least celebrating the Chosen People this Hanukkah season in her custom sewn Shalom bathrobe. I especially love that it looks like it’s made out of a hand towel.

This fashionble bit of Kitsch is the winner of the prestigious Classique d’ Camembert award, the highest honor bestowed upon an object submitted to The Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch at awmok.com. I thank aKitschionado kookykitsch for her excellent and discerning taste.

09Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Debbie Reynolds Dress Designer Kit Colorforms

09Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Debbie Reynolds Dress Designer Kit Colorforms

Debbie-Colorforms

Why I love thee – 1) The fact that this is a Dress Designer Kit and Debbie’s wearing pants? 2) The twisted organs pixie pose that 3) Debbie’s striking in the middle of the street? 4) Her matching hair and lipstick? 5) The shoe/sock combo whatever-it-is on her feet? 6) The Technicolor hues on the box? 6) The perfect Atomic Age font? 7) The fact that it includes “a gay selection of town & country clothes”? I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that the answer is all of the above!

This beautiful bit of Kitsch is the winner of the prestigious Classique d’ Camembert award, the highest honor bestowed upon an object submitted to the Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch at awmok.com. I thank aKitschionado Slazz for her excellent and discerning taste.

Complete submission at http://www.awmok.com/2009/10/08/colorforms-debbie/

30Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ultra Cheap Donny and Marie Microphone And Song Sheets Set

30Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ultra Cheap Donny and Marie Microphone And Song Sheets Set

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Donny Osmond may have won Dancing With The Stars and a whole lotta money for his favorite charity but a whole lotta money was the last thing that was spent on manufacturing this toy microphone and song sheets set at the height of the Donny & Marie Show frenzy in 1976. Despite the claim on the package that you too can “CREATE YOUR OWN SONGS • MAKE YOUE OWN MUSIC” the non-working plastic mic attaches to nothing and won’t get you much farther than singing into a candle or a shoe or anything else remotely microphone shaped.

The “song sheets” are literally blank sheets of paper that you write the notes to your own song on should you have enough songwriting chops to pull one out of the blue and be blessed with the knowledge of how to notate music, the latter of which I don’t even know how to do.

To make matters worse and even lower-rent, the song sheets are stapled together at the top and the bottom and it’s next to impossible without surgical instruments to remove the staples without ripping the one-ply-thick-thinner-than-toilet-paper paper it’s printed on.

Made in Hong Kong during the heyday of the bro/sis acts’ ABC variety show by the family’s own Osbro Productions and distributed by Gordy International (how did Motown get into the act?) it also appears that Donnie got the shaft on the shaft of the microphone as Marie’s name got bumped up to all caps and Donny’s remains crushed into diminutive lower case letters.

All around, this belongs in an express elevator up to the Penthouse of Kitsch because it is sooooo totally and completely cheaply made, meant to be dumped into bargain bins at all of the dollar discount stores that were just starting to get a smelly toehold on the American merchandising scene.

09Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Play Style Disco Rock Radio

09Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Play Style Disco Rock Radio

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Anything that has Disco in the title is assured of shelf space at my place but the fact that the Pegtoy Corp. of Westport Connecticut calls this a “play style” means it gets a nice warm spot up front. With tiny little earplugs that might fit into the ears of an ant and a play cassette as thin as a communion wafer, this Disco Rock Radio has as much chance of actually emitting sound as a Pet Rock.

I especially love that the Disco Rock dancers look more like they’re doing the Riverdance than anything that might’ve gone on at Studio 54. I’m especially fond of the male dancers jumpsuit and high heel cowboy boots.

06Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Black Power Statuette Do-It-Yourself Coloring Kit

06Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Black Power Statuette Do-It-Yourself Coloring Kit

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A black power statuette raising his fist in pride but when you pull him outta the box he’s a white man…! This is one of the greatest examples of Soul Kitsch in my collection. So perfect a product in the late 60’s for a market that had long been under-served in terms of ubiquitous pop culture memorabilia. But like The Supremes White Bread and Touch O’ Soul “Off-Black” pantyhose featured earlier in this blog, and boasting on the box that it’s a “Equality- Justice statuette”, couldn’t the product manager have spent a few more minutes thinking about his target audience and poured a little tan tint into the resin before locking down the molds?

Made of “sturdy plastic with base tab” (whatever a base tab is), The Black Power Statuette was manufactured by Zap-Co of Roseville, Michigan.

03Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Roberta Flack Puzzle

03Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Roberta Flack Puzzle

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Nothing wrong with Roberta Flack (other than so many of her songs were so slooooooooow) and nothing wrong with puzzles. But Roberta Flack so doesn’t seem like the type of celebrity who a puzzle seems the right match for. J.J. Walker maybe, The Partridge Family or Fat Albert, but Roberta Flack?!

Made in 1972 by Let’s Save The Children, Inc., USA, this is one product I’m happy they made so the shape of Roberta’s afro could be preserved forever. I love afros that are round and massive but then the back is sheared as flat as a wall. I also love how the afro on the standup bass player’s head fuses into Roberta’s giving hers that extra oomph at the top.

Nothing wrong with Roberta Flack (other than so many of her songs were so slooooooooow) and nothing wrong with puzzles. But Roberta Flack so doesn’t seem like the type of celebrity who a puzzle seems the right match for. J.J. Walker maybe, The Partridge Family or Fat Albert, but Roberta Flack?!

Made in 1972 by Let’s Save The Children, Inc., USA, this is one product I’m happy they made so the shape of Roberta’s afro could be preserved forever. I love afros that are round and massive but then the back is sheared as flat as a wall. I also love how the afro on the standup bass player’s head fuses into Roberta’s giving hers that extra oomph at the top.

19Oct 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Dr. Kildare’s Thumpy ‘The Heartbeat’ Stethoscope

19Oct 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Dr. Kildare’s Thumpy ‘The Heartbeat’ Stethoscope

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Thought I would give props to Dr. K. today seeing as I spent Friday night over at his place watching The Towering Inferno, which he, Richard Chamberlain, aka Dr. Kildare, costarred in as the guy who skimped on the wire and started the whole barbecue. It was unbelievable to sit next to him watching this movie, one of the two original disaster films along with The Poseidon Adventure, and hearing him say No, Dick!”, “Don’t do it, Dick!” as he tried to steal a seat in the little swinging chair thing strung between the burning hi-rise and the building across the street before it crashed taking him and his beautiful ’70s wide lapel velvet suit down.

I took my Thumpy stethoscope along with my Dr. Kildare paper dolls book, greeting card with Dr. K.AND Ben Casey and my “Theme from Dr. Kildare (Three Stars Will Shine Tonight)” 45 over there for Richard/ Dr. Kildare to sign but promptly forgot to yank any of it out. And how I didn’t snap a photo of us is crazy given my proclivity for storing every significant moment of my life digitally for the last 25 years… So I’ll just have to listen to this thing beat until l I see him again. Which will be very soon as he’s coming over here for dinner in a few weeks. Which makes my heart go thumpy.

Made in 1963 by Metro Goldwyn Mayer, Inc. and Amsco Industries Inc, Thumpy’s packaging boasts that there’s no batteries and nothing to wind – “Pick me up!”, “Hear Me Thump!”- and that “light movement activates “heartbeat””. They’re not kidding. This thing, US patent no. 2570740, starts beating if you even tiptoe by.

The water stains weren’t acquired until the late ’80s when Thumpy and my Brigitte Bardot By Lovable bra were the victims of a tragic dishwasher leak on the floor above which they resided.

Thought I would give props to Dr. K. today seeing as I spent Friday night over at his place watching The Towering Inferno, which he, Richard Chamberlain, aka Dr. Kildare, costarred in as the guy who skimped on the wire and started the whole barbecue. It was unbelievable to sit next to him watching this movie, one of the two original disaster films along with The Poseidon Adventure, and hearing him yell No, Dick!”, “Don’t do it, Dick!” as he tried to steal a seat in the little swinging chair thing strung between the burning hi-rise and the building across the street before it crashed taking him and his beautiful ’70s wide lapel velvet suit down.

I took my Thumpy stethoscope along with my Dr. Kildare and Nurse Nancy paper dolls book, greeting card with Dr. K.AND Ben Casey and my “Theme from Dr. Kildare (Three Stars Will Shine Tonight)” 45 over there for Richard/ Dr. Kildare to sign but promptly forgot to yank any of it out. And how I didn’t snap a photo of us is crazy given my proclivity for storing every significant moment of my life digitally for the last 25 years… So I’ll just have to listen to this thing beat until I see him again. Which will be very soon as he’s coming over here for dinner in a few weeks. Which makes my heart go thumpy.

Made in 1963 by Metro Goldwyn Mayer, Inc. and Amsco Industries Inc, Thumpy’s packaging boasts that there’s no batteries and nothing to wind – “Pick me up!”, “Hear Me Thump!”- and that “light movement activates “heartbeat””. They’re not kidding. This thing, US patent no. 2570740, starts beating if you even tiptoe by.

The water stains weren’t acquired until the late ’80s when Thumpy and my Brigitte Bardot By Lovable bra were the victims of a tragic dishwasher leak on the floor above which they resided.