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A more appropriate title for this ultimate kitsch rendition of The Carpenters legendary “Rainy Days And Mondays” is “Raining Or Not, I Can’t Find the Key”. The problem with the stupefyingly scale-jumping Leo isn’t his voice so much as his ears. He slips over and under keys faster than a greased cat, consistent in his own musical universe thousands of miles beneath the melody only to rise like a phoenix into an entirely different melodic universe drenched in its own never-before-heard key. To be fair, there are actually two bars where Leo sings in the right key. Unfortunately they don’t follow each other.

I love when Leo gazes into the camera at 2:08 and then closes his eyes and FEELS the song even more. I love how his mouth gapes open at 2:07 and remains in a state of quivering preparedness waiting for the lyric to appear until 2:11 when he finally switches to spectacular nose wipe choreography during the instrumental. I love that all of this is performed in a “Jesus Loves You” t-shirt. Perhaps so, Leo, but I wish he loved you enough to include a check for vocal lessons.

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Right, the first thing that hits your lips when you think of Maya Angelou is that she’s “Miss Calypso”. But in her early days the prophet poetess was a chanteuse in a slinky red dress back-bending under the limbo bar. This Liberty LP was recorded at The Keyboard club in Hollywood in 1956. Angelou’s Afro-Cuban-with-a-pinch- of -Blues-and-Jazz standards include “Scandal In the Family”, “Mambo In Africa”, “Donkey City” and “Stone Cold Dead In The Market”, the first two of which she wrote.

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How-To--Dominican-BlowoutDoobieAs most of you know by now, I’m one of the few songwriters who loves when their songs are used or performed inappropriately as it turns the songs into masterpieces of Kitsch. I never set out to write Kitsch as I love music too much but if I leave it in the hands of all the people who love to see themselves on YouTube I’m rarely disappointed.

As opposed to a performance, this is someone who’s chosen to verrrry sloooowwwwly show us how to achieve a Dominican hairdo using two Earth Wind & Fire songs as background music, “After The Love Is Gone” and “Boogie Wonderland”, the latter of which I co-wrote and the significance of neither in regards to the the subject matter make any sense.

With pixelated effects that happen in the first few seconds of the video and never occur again in the 9 minutes and 13 torturous seconds it takes to get the damn rollers out and hair wrapped, this is a directorial masterpiece in the filmic language of Kitsch. Among other highlights is that absolutely nothing happens in rhythm to the music, the “wind machine” only functions in one “scene” and the label on a jar of product appears backwards so you can’t possibly see what it is even if you wanted to achieve this look. Also excellent is the fact that ‘doobie’ doesn’t mean what we think it does and is apparently some kind of barrette or bobby pin.

I got excited when it was apparent that the final hairdo was going to look like a Fez. At this point, over 7 minutes in, “Boogie Wonderland” is in full throttle instrumental. That hair should have been whipping around to the strings and horns, combs and doobies flying. But alas, the Fez just gets pulled tighter and tighter, smoother and smoother, totally defying the intention of the music. And why would something be called ‘blowout’ that’s actually deflated and increases in value the flatter it gets?

Even I had trouble making it through to the final strand but from a Kitsch perspective this is a Top 10 hit!

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Though it doesn’t seem like quite the appropriate material for a dress commemorating a lasting holy union there’s no disputing the price is right! Made entirely of toilet paper, tape and glue, I think these gowns are fabulous and the concept of buying the makings of your wedding dress at Costco is brilliant. I mean it. I’ve never understood anyone blowing the entire wad on a dress they’ll wear once, flowers and chopped liver swans and then living in squalor with only a photo album and four fondue pots to remind them of the one day that life was so entirely good. I’d so much rather spring for a few hundred rolls of toilet paper, which probably leaves much to spare after the gown is glued, then end up using toilet paper for napkins the rest of my life because all the coin went into the dress that you’re probably already too fat to fit back into.
This brilliant Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest is sponsored every year by cheap-chic-weddings.com of Boca Raton, Fl. Although the 2009 first-place winner was Ann Kagawa Lee of Honolulu, Hawaii, pictured above, my favorite is second place winner, Terri Glover of Marlin, Texas, because of all the little toilet paper points sticking out that probably rippled in the breeze as she walked down the aisle.

Though it doesn’t seem like quite the appropriate material for a dress commemorating a lasting holy union there’s no disputing the price is right! Made entirely of toilet paper, tape and glue, I think these gowns are fabulous and the concept of buying the makings of your wedding dress at Costco is brilliant. I mean it. I’ve never understood anyone blowing the entire wad on a dress they’ll wear once, along with flowers and a chopped liver swan and then living in squalor with only a photo album and four fondue pots to remind them of the one day that life was so entirely good. I’d so much rather spring for a few hundred rolls of toilet paper, which probably leaves much to spare after the gown is glued, then end up using toilet paper for napkins the rest of my life because all the coin went into the dress that you’re probably already too fat to fit back into.

This brilliant Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest is sponsored every year by cheap-chic-weddings.com of Boca Raton, Fl. Although the 2009 first-place winner was Ann Kagawa Lee of Honolulu, Hawaii, pictured above, my favorite is second place winner, Terri Glover of Marlin, Texas, because of all the little toilet paper points sticking out that probably rippled in the breeze as she walked down the aisle.

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I especially love Terri’s strap marks on her back. It’s so nice to see someone who knows they have a very special outfit to wear who grooms their body accordingly for the occasion.

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Here’s a video showing this years’ entries:

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Although I think Cheap Chic Weddings has provided the Kitsch fashion statement of the year I also really, seriously, definitively think that their concept of toilet paper wedding gowns are an all round brilliant idea.

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Seems like there are hundreds of photos circulating on the Internet from my party Monday night where, among a zillion other things, members of Earth Wind & Fire performed in a parking lot for anyone who wanted to sing my EWF hits, “September” and “Boogie Wonderland”. 

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The Grand Opening Party #2 at Ghettogloss for The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch at awmok.com also featured a Thrift Shop Art auction,

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a raffle to win a personally-conducted-by-me tour of Willis Wonderland, the physical home of the AWMoK, and massive amounts of gourmet Street and standard faire junk food to keep the minds of the 400 attendees tweaked to Kitsch perfection. 

I usually go through the photos and pick out the 20 or so best ones but I loved the fantastic mix of people and ages so as long as it was in focus it’s here.

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People keep sending me new photos everyday so I very likely may be adding to these everyday. And video of the insanely kitschy performances with EWF is coming as soon as I can grab enough minutes to edit something together.

People magazine said of my parties, “Invitations to Allee Willis’s ultra-exclusive … parties are the campiest hot tickets in LA.” I’m confident I quite lived up to my reputation with this one!

Go to AWMoK.com to join a fantastically witty and friendly community of very cool people with very kool Kitsch.

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Sincerely, Your hostess/curator aKitschionado, Allee

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Yes, it was the opening  line of my very first hit and it was the greatest way ever to celebrate the opening of The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch with bad karaoke versions of the song and have Verdine White and Larry Dunn, original members of Earth Wind & Fire who played on “September” and every other EWF classic,  back up me and Luenell, the hysterical  hooker from Borat, on a $39 1981 Casio MT-65  and a 1965 knock-off Apollo bass.  We proceeded straight into “Boogie Wonderland” with hundreds of people in attendance at Ghettogloss singing along. It was that scrumptious combination of the very highest form of the art smashed together with the very lowest that made this aKitschionado’s heart spinnnnnnnn out of control!

I’m racing out now to my good friend and collaborator, Dave Koz’s, ceremony to get his star on The Hollywood Walk Of Fame and I won’t get THE photographs from the party til tomorrow (and God knows when I’ll get to editing the video but I will) so I’m throwing a few up now as bait to come back for more.  

                        Al Yankovick, me and Luenell:

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With Real of VH-1’s Real Chance Of Love, to which I co-wrote the theme song:

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A very pregnant Lisa Loeb, a not at all pregnant me and Verdine White:

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Auctions of stunning Thrift Shop Art occurred throughout the evening:

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Many guests dressed appropriately for the evening:

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Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more to come…

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The response to awmok.com has been insane, beyond my wildest and most hopeful expectations both from the press and from the public who has been contributing so much mindboggling Kitsch to the museum it staggers even this ol’ aKitschionado. Once I get through party #2 tonight at Ghettogloss, the cap to the end of a glorious week of Grand Opening festivities, and taking the physical display down tomorrow and setting everything back down in my house and studio I hope to properly document what has truly been one of the most thrilling weeks of my life not to mention events in my career. I know the nature of the Internet is to post these things immediately but it’s all part of a massive, organic, oozing project of connections to me and I don’t want to just slap up a bunch of photos and thoughts online without giving them their proper creative do. So enjoy some photos from party #1 now, have a chocolate milk or Kool-Aid on me, and know that much, much, much, much more is to come. 

The response to awmok.com has been insane, beyond my wildest and most hopeful expectations both from the press and from the public who has been contributing so much mindboggling Kitsch to the museum it staggers even this ol’ aKitschionado. Once I get through party #2 tonight at Ghettogloss, the cap to the end of a glorious week of Grand Opening festivities, and taking the physical display down tomorrow and setting everything back up in my house and studio I hope to properly document what has truly been one of the most thrilling weeks of my life not to mention events in my career. I know the nature of the Internet is to post these things immediately but it’s all part of a massive, organic, oozing project of connections to me and I don’t want to just slap up a bunch of photos and thoughts online without giving them their proper creative do. So enjoy some photos from party #1 now, have a chocolate milk or Kool-Aid on me, and know that much, much, much, much more is to come. 
Please proceed directly to AWMoK.com to see some of the glorious submissions to the Museum. remember, it’s the beginning of what I hope will become a great social network so don’t be shy. The people there are very cool and they’re showing some really crazy, cool stuff..
Xx, Your hostess/curator/ Kitsch luv’r, Allee

Please also proceed directly to AWMoK.com to see some of the glorious submissions to the Museum. Remember, it’s the beginning of what I hope will become a great social network so don’t be shy. The people there are very cool and they’re showing and talking about some really crazy, cool stuff.

Xx, Your hostess/curator/ Kitsch luv’r, Allee

Photos from Party #1

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Here’s how I spend my spare time, making this highly sophisticated -NOT- animation with Prudence Fenton, of Pee Wee’s Playhouse and Peter Gabriel videos fame. After being a private joke for 15 years, we’ve finally committed (in all senses of the word) the Pigmy to film. If anybody deserves a place on the mantle of Kitsch Klassicism, it’s Pigmy Will. 

We’ll be churning out two to four of these weekly, all under 30 seconds, as fast as our minds can de-numb and fingers can move. 

Today’s offerings include “Pie Day”, “The Counter”, “The Boat Ride” and “Take 20”. At the end of each masterpiece you can click through to the next one. So just click here or on one of the videos below to get started.

Follow pigmywill on Twitter! And join his fan page on Facebook if you’re there too. 

See all 4 Pigmy Wills (by the time you read this there may be more):

“Pie Day”

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“The Counter”

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“The Boat Ride”

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“Take 20”

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Deet deet deet deet!!

Anywhere from 2-4 of these coming out weekly, all under 30 seconds, as fast as our minds can de-numb and fingers can move. Today’s offerings include “Pie Day”, “The Counter”, “The Boat Ride” and “Take 20”. At the end of each masteriece you can click through to the next one. So just click here to get started.
See all 4 Pigmy Wills:
“Pie Day” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRS7D6mSoHs
“The Counter” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFKQ3iCcS3Q
“The Boat Ride” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psJQPtbY1h4
“Take 20” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buNtwIwlcE0

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I have a bunch of Hoppy memorabilia but none so rare as this 1950’s can of “hybrid yellow” popcorn, actually called Hopalong Cassidy’s Favorite. H. Cassidy lunch boxes, paper plates, comic books, roller skates, wristwatches, guns and jackknives were just some of the products that made this cowboy one of the most successful personality brands from early TV. 

William Boyd played Hopalong Cassidy from 1935 in films through the 1950’s on radio and tv and was one of the earliest stars to own the copyright to the character he played. 

Hoppy’s favorite kernel kontainer is made of tin by the Maryland Popcorn Cooperative Association, Inc. 

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I have a bunch of Hoppy memorabilia but none so rare as this1950’s can of “hybrid yellow” popcorn, actually called Hopalong Cassidy’s Favorite. H. Cassidy lunch boxes, paper plates, comic books, roller skates, wristwatches, guns and jackknives were just some of the products that made this cowboy one of the most successful personality brands from early tv. 
William Boyd played Hopalong Cassidy from 1935 in films through the 1950’s on radio and tv and was one of the earliest stars to own the copyrights to the character he played. 
Hoppy’s favorite kernel kontainer is made of tin by the Maryland Popcorn Cooperative Association, Inc.