afro-comb-cornell-freedom-FULL_2940

Anyone see the male model who was supposed to show up for that Afro Comb photo shoot? The Freedom Comb by Cornell was anything but for this poor guy who thought he was getting his big break here. Wouldn’t want to have been around when that free case of combs they promised him in his contract arrived. The packaging boasts “Guaranteed Forever” but forever will have to wait for this brokenhearted mystery man.

afro-comb-cornell-freedom-CU_2942

 

afro-comb-cornell-freedom-LOGO_2944

Previous Kitsch O’ The Day models missing in action: 

afro-pic-face-cover afro-pic-i-love-america_4244
Anyone see the male model who was supposed to show up for that Afro Comb photo shoot? The Freedom Comb by Cornell was anything but for this poor guy who thought he as getting his big break here. Wouldn’t want to have been around when that free case of combs they promised him in his contract arrived. The packaging boasts “Guaranteed Forever” but forever will have to wait for this mystery man.
Other Kitsch O’ The Day models missing in action: 

coppertone_7459

I used to spray this stuff on me like it was water, lay out in the sun until my skin was crisper than fried chicken and walk around all summer looking like a red patent leather purse. it was the desired toasted-by-the-sun-look for a Midwest girl in the Prehistoric 60’s when we thought sun was good and supertan and sunburnt were the most popular summer colors. Coppertone was the ONLY name in sun care products and spraying was the speed junkie route to stylish toasty flesh. No messy creme between your fingers, no sandy caps to screw back on so the next time you squirt some out it’s not like rubbing sandpaper on your burnt skin.
Coppertone hit the market in 1944. The original logo was an American Indian chief in feather headresss with matching “Don’t be a paleface” slogan. That was deemed politically incorrect in 1953 and the little trademark pin-up girl with snapping dog logo was born to replace it. When that illustration was lost in a fire the more familiar one you see on the can here was drawn in 1959 by Joyce Ballantyne Brand who won a contest to get the gig using her daughter Cheryl as the model. 
Jodie Foster made her acting debut at 3 in a tv commercial as the Coppertone girl.

I used to spray this stuff on me like it was water, lay out in the sun until my skin was crisper than fried chicken and walk around all summer looking like a red patent leather purse. It was the desired toasted-by-the-sun-look for a Midwest girl in the Prehistoric 60’s when we thought sun was good and supertan and sunburnt were the most popular summer colors. Coppertone was the ONLY name in sun care products and spraying was the speed junkie route to stylish toasty flesh. No messy creme between your fingers, no sandy caps to screw back on so the next time you squirt some out it’s not like rubbing sandpaper on your burnt skin.

Coppertone hit the market in 1944. The original logo was an American Indian chief in feather headdresss with matching “Don’t be a paleface” slogan. That was deemed politically incorrect in 1953 and the little trademark pin-up girl with snapping dog logo was born to replace it. When that illustration was lost in a fire the more familiar one you see on the can here was drawn in 1959 by Joyce Ballantyne Brand who won a contest to get the gig using her daughter Cheryl as the model. 

Jodie Foster made her acting debut at 3 in a tv commercial as the Coppertone girl.
coppertone_7457

This commercial is for a later Coppertone product, QT Quick Tanning Lotion, but is too much of a Kitschified gem not to be unearthed here: 

coppertone-commercial

farrahconditioner11

Anything that took off as fast as Farrah’s hair did when Charlie’s Angels debuted in 1975 – 80% of females on earth immediately sheared their manes into replicas – insured immediate Kitsch Kollection status for all products released in association with the legendary locks. Although no one’s hair could have been further from Farrah’s than mine, I bought this bottle of Farrah Creme Rinse/Condtioner by Faberge the day it hit the shelves in 1978. I never intended to open it but a tragic haircutting mistake forced me to pop the cap and see if its magic powers worked.

This was in 1983. I had finally decided to chop down my middle-of-the-back length hair and the hairdresser, who I had never been to before, chose to give me a Farrah. Unfortunately, this was years past when it was hip to have all the little feathers and wisps that marked that haircut. Appalled that my heretofore trademark long curly hair was replaced with such a dated and and, at that point, conservative look I tried the conditioner praying it would somehow force my hair to match my head as well as Farrah’s matched hers.

When that didn’t work I locked myself in my house for thirty one days and every day cut a little more off one side of my hair thinking I would stumble on the ideal length and then cut the other side to match. As anyone who’s seen me in the 26 years since knows, I never committed and the lopsided experiment became permanent. Sometimes I read where people describe my hair as 80’s asymmetrical but to me it’s Farrah asymmetrical all the way.

Years later I met Farrah at a mutual friend’s house. She was really funny and incredibly nice. When she told me that she loved my hair I regaled her with the story of how it came to be. It made the biggest hair trauma of my life all worth it because I got to discuss The Farrah with Farrah.

R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett.

farrah-shampoo-ad farrah-shampoo-commercial

warm-cover-of-toilet-bowl_8482

Boasting that it’s to be “applied in modern families, hotels, various round toilet bowls”, the packaging for this “warm cover of toilet bowl”, is another spectacular example of translations gone awry. It’s made of “acryl” (new fiber made in China?), “imported rubber band” (wow) “anti-bacterium” (as opposed to the ever popular “bacterial”?), “smell proof” (thank God) and is/are “international fashion domestic decorations, sanitary necessities”.  I’m not quite clear of the difference between “Keep warm in winter, comfortable, heath care and sanitary” and “Use & warm in winter, comfortable, heath care and sanitary” though clearly the translator felt both were worthy of a line. In case of soiling “avoid washing with bleacher” or the “high elastic nylon” will fry up faster than a polyester Disco shirt. Made in China by Shu Mei Lia, there’s no year on the package but I would say it’s timeless.

warm-cover-of-toilet-bowl_label-84832 warm-cover-of-toilet-bowl-text_84871

toilet-paper-oil-painting_1194

Not sure what about “MG” inspired his or her initials to be painted on a roll of toilet paper but I’m elated that the artist known as “Ellen” squeezed the oils out for this masterpiece. Too many obvious jokes here so I’ll leave them up to you. Tho I must say the choice of dark brown for the background color is appropriate.

toilet-paper-oil-painting-cu_79791

ufo-body-scrubber_1299

Kitsch Honorable Mention For Excellence In Packaging Copy: On the front: “For body and back”. The last time I looked my back was part of my body. On the back: “Cleaning Products that are out of this world”. I’m thinking they make janitorial supplies. I googled them. They do.