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Garlic is about my favorite thing in the world. I drive up to Monterey a lot on the 101 and always pass 20-wheelers filled with the stuff coming from Gilroy, the Garlic Capital of the world. I match the speed of the truck for about 10 miles to luxuriate in fabulous garlic fumes…

This vintage 1950’s shaker, clearly distressed at the smell of what’s inside it, is NOT the look on my face but, rather, the plethora of friends around me who hate the stuff. 

Did you know that garlic is a species of onion?

Garlic salt shakers were very popular in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. They usually came with a companion onion salt shaker.

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Hooray for vintage Mary Kay anything! I serve Kool Aid out of this coffee urn, made by the appropriately named Poly Perk, at my all parties. Mary Kay and Brownie Wise, who invented the concept of Tupperware parties in 1950 and was the first woman to appear on the cover of Business Week, are two of my biggest entrepreneurial idols. I’m brewing coffee in the pink percolator as we speak and will toast finishing another Kitsch O’ The Day as soon as it’s ready.

An owner before me painted over the lettering that was probably dulled from years of Windex and Amway products. Usually I don’t approve of such restoration but the paint is very lumpy and sparkly and adds more of that Mary Kay flair.

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Not that we don’t need a toast to Peace but the last inebriant a hippie or flower child was thinking about was liquor in 1968 when this Bourbon decanter was unleashed. The incongruity of which is what pushes this 86 proof Limited Edition Royal Enfield Porcelain booze vessel by Maloney into the higher echelons of Kitsch. As is inevitable when a trend as powerful as hippydom sweeps the world, all bastions of the old guarde attempt to hop on the wagon and cash in.

I’ve collected about five each of these bottles and I’m always amazed at the glaze job on the hippie’s face – as if a full can of mace exploded and left him with that Michael Jackson skin thing. I could understand if one of my bottles was messed up but the burn victim look is consistent on all five. Which means the quality control guy at Maloney was probably out back smoking a joint when the bottles came down the line.

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I also love that the best thing the establishment could give the hippie to sit on was a garbage can:

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To peace!

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I see lots of green thumb inspired objects but this articulated fat fleshy hand is one of the best. This kind of molded hard plastic stuff kills me. And the green paint hugs the thumb perfectly like one of those stretchy self-adhesive rubber bandages. Holds just enough water to take care of my matching plastic plants.

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There’s nothing more I like to do on Sundays than take rides. I stock the car like it’s a motel, all amenities neatly arranged within arms reach, and tool through LA and vicinity photographing and making strategic pit stops at my favorite soul food restaurants. I’ve always dreamed of having a tricked out camper to make my rendezvous even more comfortable and have a selection of front mirror danglers, mud flaps and chasing lights license plate frames already purchased should the happy day ever arrive. In the meantime, I content myself with camper memorabilia, of which this quaint porcelain plate is requisite.

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lawrence-welk-vase_9014One of the most spectacular examples of television Kitsch are reruns of The Lawrence Welk Show, 1955 to ’82, on PBS. My favorites are late 60’s/ early 70’s with their over-saturated technicolorish hues, cheesy sets and costumes, massive bouffants and Disco tweaked JFK hair helmets, bouncy musicians, extreme middle of the road interpretations of old and new pop songs, insert shots of the dancing octogenarian audience, not to mention the thicker than wiener schnitzel German accent of the wunnerful, wunnerful host himself, Mr. Champagne Music, Lawrence Welk.

His dedicated group of sidekicks included accordionist Myron Floren, his son-in-law, ex Mouseketeer Bobby Burgess, and platinum follicled pianist, JoAnn Castle, of whom TV Guide said, “Castle doesn’t tickle the Ivories, she hammers them—as if she is building the piano instead of playing it.” Appropriately sponsored by Geritol, a health tonic that zoomed to popularity in the post Atomic Age, The Lawrence Welk Show is a Kitsch lover’s Woodstock.

Mr. Welk embraced merchandising, including his ever popular ashtrays, bubbles and musical spoons but the accordion vase is among the most collectible of his stable.

                                                                                                             Welk’s Big Hit:

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                                                                                                            JoAnn’s big hair:

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I made this “Arnold Palmer Coat Rack” out of golf clubs and balls in 1987 for a Debbie Harry video, “French Kissing In The USA”, that I art directed in my house. I’m a big fan of using objects for purposes other than for which they were created. I sold a lot of these as well as a baseball bat and mitt version in the 80’s. I never golfed myself but still have hundreds of clubs, all picked for their sturdiness as furniture parts. 

Here’s a link to the video on YouTube. I can’t even remember if the coat rack made the final cut but it was there among a zillion other things I custom built.  

I could post a much clearer copy of the video than whoever posted this but YouTube retains its hideous policy of selectively notifying people to take copyrighted videos down, oftentimes leaving those who made the video empty-handed while allowing those who made copies off TV or DVDs unscathed. Greedy, greedy, greedy YT.  Duck before a golf ball slams your profits in the head!

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tire-ashtray

Made of real Firestone tire rubber, these ashtrays hit their peak in the 1950’s but have remained a Kitsch accessory staple through the decades. Growing up in Detroit, they were as common in the city as potholes, given out as promotional gifts from every business that had even the remotest connection to cars or anything else mounted on tires.

This one’s a Firestone Steel Radial but there are zillions of different styles and brands of tires as well as glass, plastic and bakelite inserts, branded and not.

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