08Feb 2012

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Abbey Rents Bedpan Ashtray

08Feb 2012

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Abbey Rents Bedpan Ashtray

.

I can think of a lot of things to rent from Abbey Rents but I prefer them to be more in the mode of party supplies than bedpans.

I’m not too big on being sick to begin with.

I’ve been on crutches a few times and still keep a spare pair in the basement. Here was the last time I had them out when I had a torn meniscus in my knee last summer.

I don’t always dress that nice when I’m on crutches but I’m always lucky enough to have friends who do volunteer nurse duty, as was the case with Nancye Ferguson who agreed to match nurses caps and masks with me. I was high enough from those drugs she was dispensing that I didn’t need to worry about snuffing anything out in my bedpan ashtray.

If I think about going one step further and ever end up having to deal with a wheelchair I would soup one up the same way I’ve done with other things on wheels, like this golf cart I customized for a Cars video back in the day. It went from this…

… to this:

While I was writing The Color Purple I was racing back and forth between LA and New York so much and not finding a doctor who could figure out why my leg was hurting. It got so bad I actually switched from crutches to a walker. Believing it’s best to share one’s problems with one’s friends, I threw a party to show off my new mode of transportation.

Ultimately, I’d rather be getting around via golf cart then crutches or walker any day, but should I ever need to up my inventory of sick room devices I will most surely call Abby Rents.

 

09Jan 2012

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – All Aboard THE WIENERMOBILE!!! – Part 2

09Jan 2012

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – All Aboard THE WIENERMOBILE!!! – Part 2

If you’re just jumping aboard The Wienermobile, please exit through the rear and check out Part 1 of my adventure with Susan Olsen,a.k.a. Cindy Brady, and Charles Phoenix, without which Part 2 lacks context. Wagging the tail without the (hot) dog as it were.

Now, assuming you’ve fully digested part 1, join us aboard the Wienermobile as we head east from the Brady Bunch house…

…to another iconic wiener in  the neighborhood, Larry’s.

The Wienermobile ate up quite a lot of real estate in this four- table parking lot eatery.

So we turned the vehicular wiener towards another vintage hot dog-related gem a few blocks away:

Isn’t this where you would go if you were a hot dog?

We knew Chili John’s has very early hours but we jumped out anyway, praying the chili palace still might be open:

If you haven’t been to this place, spit out your food and head there now. It’s as authentic as the day it was born in 1941:

The counter is (perfectly and beautifully) makes up the entire restaurant.

You can see the handpainted mural that runs the length of the restaurant better in this shot with Charles:

Up close it’s apparent that the artist, Mr. Chili John himself, captured each and every crevice of the exploding Vesuvius terrain as possible. Perhaps this was to illustrate the constant lava-like flow of chili that runs through his namesake establishment daily.

While we were there, there was an incredible photo opp for The Wienermobile:

With hot dogs and chili under our belts, it was time to move on to burgers. Very few food symbols are as iconic as The Wienermobile, but surely the Big Boy at Bob’s a few blocks away on Riverside has an equal place on the mountaintop.

The sheer magnitude of these two sculptural icons together was overwhelming for kitsch lovers such as ourselves.

So we took lots of photos:

But, alas, the sun was starting to set and there was one place we knew we had to hit while The Wienermobile was still under our control:

The Circus Liquor neon clown, on Burbank Blvd. just west of Chili John’s, has been in countless movies and tv shows, not to mention I’ve dropped coin in there every time I need a bottle of anything, just so I can visit the clown.

The height of the Wienermobile was an INSANELY perfect fit. If only the clown were permanently mounted on top of it.

With the evening approaching fast we headed back to Willis Wonderland,…

…already upset that our Wienermobile afternoon would soon be but a memory, albeit one grilled into our braincells forever.

When we dislodged from The Wienermobile we got some parting gifts:

Some Wienermobile whistles, some of which were glow-in-the-dark, a plush toy Wienermobile, as well as this larger plastic one:

It was like we had all been dropped out of a time capsule. I’m someone who likes to have a good time but once I’m done with an activity I gotta clear the house and get back to work. But it was as if we all knew that when we separated we would somehow have to settle back into reality, hopefully just little bitty pieces at a time, that’s how strong the magnetic pull of the Wienermobile was for all of us. So was only natural we sat down to a hot dog dinner to extend the wiener coma we were all in.

The dogs were cooked, as I said in part 1, on my newly acquired 1958 golf ball barbecue:

It was comforting to have such statuary in the yard, softening the blow of the departed Wienermobile as it disappeared into the night.

Thank you, Hot Doggers Traci and Yoli. You drove the Wienermobile like it was a delicate little Smart Car and put up with three drooling adults for longer than anyone deserves to be in ecstasy.

And thank you, Mark Blackwell, for documenting the trip, and I mean Trip.

Susan, Charles and myself are forever grateful to have such a childhood and adult dream fulfilled, especially one that provided such insanely magnificent photo opps.

And we are grateful for the joy of celebrating a junk food that was a building block of nutrition throughout most of our lifetimes. Truth be told, although it has killed me, the foolishness of subsisting exclusively on such foodstuffs is starting to be rectified in my old age. But even Martha Stewart enjoys munching on a good wiener every now and then.

The Wienermobile experience was pretty heavy.

But alas, all things must end.

We love you, Wienermobile. Until we meet again…

20Dec 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – All Aboard THE WIENERMOBILE!!! – Part 1

20Dec 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – All Aboard THE WIENERMOBILE!!! – Part 1

I’ve only waited a lifetime for a ride in the famed Oscar Mayer Wienermobile and last Wednesday, December 14, my dream came true!! Susan Olsen, a.k.a. Cindy Brady, the youngest of the B. Bunch, Charles Phoenix, Mark Blackwell and I hopped aboard and rode the wiener to some of our favorite kitsch spots in the San Fernando Valley. When one is onboard such a vehicle, photo opps are not to be missed!

It’s hard to look bad in a photo with The Wienermobile. So there’s going to be A LOT of them in this post, probably enough to serialize the adventure so check back later in the week or beginning of next for more. With that in mind I’ll start slowly, like how we all color-coordinated to look as fabulous against the backdrop of the transportational hot dog as possible. I threw my outfit together last minute but was happy with my choices, picking up all the essential colors of hot dogs, mustard, relish and mayo.

Here’s a closer look at my vintage Legionnaires shirt, made from that kind of expensive 1950’s satin that feels like you’re going down a cashmere slide:

I know there’s no Oscar Mayer at KFC but it was the closest thematically of any shoulder bag I had.  My T-shirt was much more on the nose…

… as were my shoes:

The first thing I did once I was dressed was to roast some wienies.  It gave me a perfect excuse to test out my recently acquired 1958 golfball barbecue:

I cooked up sixteen dogs so we could stuff ourselves throughout the day. Here’s the first  one, literally, on the grill:

First to arrive at Willis Wonderland for our big wiener ride was Mark, who documented us throughout the wiener day:

Next was Susan, appropriately dressed in wiener red:

And then Charles arrived, dressed in a dead-ringer Wienermobile matching suit and carrying a banner bearing our favorite brand’s namesake.

This also doubled as a fashionable cape.

It’s obvious we all passed the color test:

We took many such proof-of-concept photos:

There are so many obvious ways one wants to pose against such a stunning background:

When the Wienermobile first pulled up I wept with joy. I had forever envisioned it in my driveway.  Alas, the wiener was too plump to actually fit so it rested nicely in front until we boarded.

Before stepping into the vehicular hot dog we ran inside for a quick wiener ingestion:

They don’t actually serve food in the Wienermobile so we brought the leftovers with us. But we were so excited to finally board the hot dog we had all been dreaming about since we were born that we forgot and left them on top of my car:

Our Hotdoggers, college interns who serve a full year driving the wiener wondermobile, were Yoli Bologna and Tailgatin’ Traci:

You could literally hear an audible gasp from each of us as we entered the Wienermobile for the first time.

It’s got six seats, a mustard floor,…

… an appropriate floor mat…

… and a sky roof.

The seats were LITERALLY the most comfy car seat any of us had ever sat in. Plush yet solid, with armrests that made you feel like you were waiting in a highchair for a jar of hot dog baby food. We didn’t stop yapping about them the entire afternoon.

We especially loved the embroidered Wienermobile on the back of each seat.

None of us could figure out if the hot dogs on the dash had any purpose other than an as an exceptional decorative touch.

We thought we only had a half hour in the Wienermobile so we headed to Ventura Blvd., the street where we thought there’d be the most foot traffic so we could wave to the masses like beauty queens on a float. Charles mentioned that the real Brady Bunch house, the one used for the exterior shot that pops up in every episode, was probably only blocks away. Not only did I have no idea it was in the hood but Susan – an actual Brady – said she had never even seen it herself! How could this be??!  Cindy-I-mean-Susan explained that as a wee star she couldn’t compute that a house that was clearly two stories…

…was in reality only one.

So the Wienermobile, a deceptibly agile vehicle, whipped a U-ie and headed east toward Dillon St. As the top of the A-frame house poked into sight we started going nuts.

And we SO weren’t the only ones. There were already some sightseers there, dying that not only were they at the Brady house but now the Wienermobile had entered the picture AND a real Brady emerged out of it!  Only God could have put a blessed tourist here at this moment.

Needless to say, we took a lot of photos.

With Susan’s 35 year identity crisis rectified, our Hotdoggers, Yoli and Tracy, told us we could drive around for as long as we wanted.

Elated, we immediately discussed iconic snack food related establishments in the immediate area to best frame us and the Wienermobile. First we headed to a hot dog,:

followed by some chili,…

… a hamburger,…

…and a little something to wash it all down with.

But, alas… I have Christmas shopping to do, three song deadlines to hit, an outline overdue for my new live show, a contract to read, a cat scratcher turntable to assemble, a portrait commission to paint, a bunch of publishing crap to get together, not to mention that I’m supposed to be on vacation in sunny Monterey. So Part 2 of our Wienermobile adventures will appear in a few days.

Until then, eat lots of hot dogs as you kick off the holiday season!

Proceed to Part 2

29Nov 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Birthdaying at the Madonna Inn – Part 1

29Nov 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Birthdaying at the Madonna Inn – Part 1

Bright and early the weekend before Thanksgiving Prudence Fenton and I hopped in the mustache van and drove up the coast to San Luis Obispo.

If you’ve never been to The Madonna Inn there, drive, fly, walk, bike, whatever mode of transportation it takes, and go there NOW!

I don’t care where you’ve been to see your architectural kitsch, this is one stop shopping of infinitesimal magnitude. I’ve blogged about this place many a time before but one post, even a hundred, could never cover the staggering detail present on the 2200 acres that appear mirage-like on the side of the 101 freeway.

The whole place was designed by this guy…

…. for this lady:

Alex Madonna, a construction magnate and entrepreneur who among other things built the section of the 101 the Inn sits next to, built this palace in 1958. These portraits of Alex and his wife Phyllis’ hang right outside the main dining room.

You need a closer look at that mother of all grape lamps in between them. Eight feet of barrel and the most magnificent assemblage of resin grape clusters anywhere:

This hangs right across the cave from this stairway, one of the subtler ones at The Madonna Inn:

Every time I drive up north taking the 101, I stop at The Madonna Inn to eat. Usually I’m in a hurry and just have time to hit the coffee shop. By the way, coffee always tastes better when the sugar is in one of these two forms, available only here:

The pink crystals and rock formations look especially good on the all copper counter and tabletops…

…which are surrounded by all copper decorative trim…

…which makes sense as this is the name of the coffee shop:

But if I’m not in a hurry to get where I’m going I try to park myself in the main dining room, The Gold Rush Steakhouse. I think you can see why:

Here’s another reason:

That’s one big ol’ slab o’ beef! As an animal lover I  don’t like to think about this but the beef is grown mere feet from the restaurant.  Here I am posing at midnight with the subject of my meal:

I always love a restaurant that starts you off with a relish plate:

Far from the usual celery and carrots and olives, this one has salami and a big brick of cheese thrown on top.  Also thrown in for my birthday festivities was Nancye Ferguson, who drove up to join us.

When it’s your birthday at the Madonna Inn your table is marked with a balloon:

Tables with balloons get free cake for dessert:

I had seen the 9″ high pink champagne cakes in the coffeeshop earlier…

So I got a big hunk of it:

Cake always tastes better when it matches the decor.

It’s even better when the decor is decorated for Christmas.

At this time of year, any place there’s room to stick a Christmas tree at The Madonna Inn there is one:

Angles guard over every table:

Some of the most famous rooms at the Madonna Inn are the bathrooms. The most famous is the men’s room. I finally got the balls to sneak in with Jim Burns, a.k.a. Sgt. Frank Woods in Call Of Duty-Black Ops, who also joined us.

Although the giant clam shell sinks are fantastic…

…the legendary waterfall urinal is the main attraction:

Though sans waterfall, the ladies room next door has its own unique charm:

In another bathroom off of the coffeeshop, little girls get their props.  You can’t tell the scale from this photo but the toilet is teeny tiny tot sized…

…and matches the mini little girl sink in the middle of the big gal facilities:

All of this pales next to the bathroom in The Madonna Suite, where I tended to the needs of my roast-beef-sugared-champagne-caked body.

Here’s a little closer look at the sink, though it’s hard to see detail amidst all the rock. Water trickles down all the troughs dug out of the rock.

A full tour of The Madonna Suite tomorrow…

27Sep 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch ‘O The Day – Fluff Food

27Sep 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch ‘O The Day – Fluff Food

I must admit that contrary to my normal habits, I didn’t do much consumption of food at the Fluff Festival this past weekend in Somerville, MA.  I was too busy sweating like a little piglet, as I’m sure you can see from the back of my hat hair.

But food concocted with Fluff was there aplenty:

I especially liked this Fluff injected chess set:

I never learned how to play Chess so the accuracy or lack of it is of no consequence to me.

There were at least twenty Fluff-filled foods submitted. I meant to get an overall shot of the table so all the food was represented here but my brain was too sweat-filled to think. The only thing I really tasted was the Fluffy chicken, mainly because if there was a recipe that combined Fluff with chicken I wanted it. I must say it was very tasty and delivered quite a kick.

Of course, Fluffernutter’s were definitely well represented:

Fluff filled trophies were given to the winners.

aKitschionado Rusty Blazenhoff documented me sampling them:

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you who won as I was too busy mopping myself off in the darkness of the tiny VIP room, which was thankfully air-conditioned and had a watercooler. My hat was slathered with about twenty coats of Liquitex acrylic and it was like having your head topped off with a sauna.

I also did a lot of sitting around outside trying to drip dry while Booty Vortex played.

I have to say that funk cover bands usually drive me nuts but these guys were the joint.

I conducted them playing many a rendition of “September”, the official Fluff song this year.

Oops, am at Logan airport and they just called my flight for boarding. More Fluffiness tomorrow…

26Sep 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch ‘O The Day – Slighty Fluffy

26Sep 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch ‘O The Day – Slighty Fluffy

In view of the fact that I’m racing around my hotel room throwing things in my suitcases – impossible for me to travel with just one – trying not to muss or crush my most most Fluffy of wardrobe…

… I must do abridged version of my Fluff report today, as if I stop to compose in my usual festidious, over-stimulated style of reportage I will not only miss my plane but my upcoming live show will end at intermission as I won’t have finished writing it. I have  several drafts complete but I’m pretty sure I’ve written the Nicholas Nickleby twelve hour version and the task of taking out a cleaver and chopping it down still remains. With only 3 weeks to go, completing this mission, not to mention finishing the set, the prizes, the souvenirs, the food, and all the other things that go into any event Allee Willis, I realize that I must put my time into scriptwriting as opposed to going over the 700 or so photots that aKitschionado Mark Blackwell, or Daddy as I call him, took as he followed me around through the weekend of shenanigans.

But three aKitschionados made it into the Boston Globe again today with a very cute photo:.

And I will show you Susan and I announcing this year’s Pharaoh of Fluff winner, Brian whose last name I unfortunately don’t know but can vouch that he’s a nice guy and a very good dancer as he boogied to his version of my “September”, which all contestants were required to change the lyrics of to an homage about Fluff.

And here I am with aKitschinados Rusty and  Scarlett (I have a horrible memory for names so I hope I have the wee one’s right) displaying the beautiful trophies about to be handed out to the Fluff cooking contest winners:

I’m not sure what shape I’ll be in tomorrow as my plane doesn’t arrive in LA until 11 PM tonight, which means I won’t get home before 1 AM and tomorrow is an insanely packed day, making up for my four days of absence. But I will do my best to post more Flun photos of the fest.

In the meantime, don’t forget to eat your Fluff today.

 

20Sep 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Get Out Your Bellbottoms and Marshmallows!

20Sep 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Get Out Your Bellbottoms and Marshmallows!

If anyone’s going to be in the Boston area this coming Saturday, head to Somerville where thousands of Fluffed-up folks will be honoring Fluff, the marshmallow food topping invented there, and where I’ll be judging the 70’s fashion show while people cremate my song, “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire, by changing the lyrics to reflect their love of Fluff.

I’ve  been laboring on my outfit for the last 48 hours, the beginnings of which you can see above. I refuse to slop Fluff in my hair, as many of the participants do, so choose instead to ruin a few hats and shirts experimenting with Fluff-like effects so that I, the judge of the Pharaoh of Fluff fashion show and songwriting contests, look like I’m in the swing of the Flufftivities. I still have about 40 pounds of glue to go but that shirt will be covered like shag carpeting smothered a 70’s living room by the time I’m done.

More details on the Fluff festival here: http://unionsquaremain.org/fluff-festival/pharaoh-of-fluff/

31Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Pringles Carrying Case

31Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Pringles Carrying Case

Being a potato chip lover, I viewed Pringles as blasphemy when they first came out. It’s like thinking a baked potato is gonna satify someone who’s lusting for french fries. But when the airlines first started making you pay for food and came around with that wicker basket of hard cookies and crackers and cheese the size of a pat of butter, I took a leap and went for the stack of Pringles. Not that I still wouldn’t take a bag of original Lays first, but the Pringles definitely had my tatse buds saying hello.

The shape and symetry of Pringles really appeals to me. So when Windup Kitty gifted me this plastic Pringles carrying case I was a most happy chip muncher to say the least!

Other than you have to have the appetite of a flea to be satified with the mere ten chips that it holds.

I know there are two missing. They were begging to be sampled.

If you look close at the top of the case you can see the Pringles imprint:

The grey bottom is a little too institutional of a color palette for me. At least go for the same anemic yellow as the chip to suggest the contents within.

But that’s a small complaint for something that’s going to keep my Pringles chip free and fancy fresh!

22Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Twinkie The Kid Twinkie Case

22Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Twinkie The Kid Twinkie Case

If you know anything about Twinkies you know they are virtually indestructible, baked to last…and last…and last some more. Short of throwing a twinkie into a kiln, it takes an eternity for the thing to dry out, even if it’s long escaped its plastic packaging. But self sufficient or not, Twinkie The Kid is the perfect road companion for your creme filled bundle of spongy and ageless sugar fun.

I’m not at all sure how a cowboy fits the baked goods picture, but the cowboy hat is very easy to flip up and insert the sugary log into.

Although of no practical use whatsoever other than getting caught in things and breaking off easily, I really like The Kid’s little Pillsbury dough boy hands.

His boots are cute too, though getting Twinkie Boy to stand up on his own, especially if he’s fully loaded, is not an easy feat.

Cases for food like this always intrigue me. I understand a case for something perishable like fruits and vegetables, like say for a banana.

But something as stupid looking as The Twinkie Kid could easily trick a kid into thinking the foodstuff within is fresh and therefore good for them, if not as much fun as the casing. But anyone who’s going to jam a Twinkie down their gullet doesn’t need the inducement of glimmering plastic with stupid looking body parts, even if it’s lying there lifeless with the same balancing proclivites as the Twinkie itself.

This Twinkie The Kid showed up at my last party.

Many guests were jealous of him:

The only question I have is if you love Twinkies it’s hard to stop at just one, so I wonder if there’s a Twinkie cowgirl lurking around somewhere? The Kid is on the prowl and so am I.

 

Thank you, aKitschionado Douglas Wood, for your generous contribution of one Twinkie The Kid to the Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch @ AWMOK.com.

 

16Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kleenex Man Size Tissues Pillow

16Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kleenex Man Size Tissues Pillow

Are men’s noses really snottier than women’s? Do they run more? Does a woman with a bad cold honestly deserve a smaller size tissue than a man with the same malady? According to this decades old commercial, I guess so:

Male or female, big nose or small, I was pretty happy to find this macho-sized pillow for five bucks at the Pasadena City College flea market last week.

The pillow’s a beefy 23″ x 12″ x 2.75″, proportioned exactly like the box of tissues itself.

Kleenex Man Size is a great period piece of Pop Art.

The choice of manly transportation modes on the box and pillow replica are slightly curious though in that they consist of three trains and one plane. What, no Maserati, Ferrari or monster truck?

And isn’t this plane upside down?:

I guess it looks the same no matter which way you flip it and we must rely on the man in control to land it right. Although in 1973, when many men were blowing their noses into Kleenex Man Size, Bobby Riggs was toppled by Billie Jean King in the tennis “Battle Of the Sexes” and sent the Women’s Lib movement soaring into the stratosphere much like the plane on Kleenex Man Size.

Which made many men weep.  And grab for their box of Kleenex Man Size. Just like I’m grabbing for the Man Size right now.