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I can’t tell you how many of these little sewing gadgets I bought throughout my teenage and young adult years. The ads in the back of magazines for these always made it look like you’d be sewing like a fiend in no time. In actuality, all I did was constantly poke holes in my fingers and make incredibly messy seams and hemlines in all the clothes that I ended up ruining trying to use one of these things.

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Just getting the thread in was trouble enough let alone attempting to do the fancy stitches it promised to magically do.

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I had no idea what  most of these were supposed to look like in the first place but I’m sure they weren’t supposed to make the fabric pucker and snag the way my projects always ended up looking.

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I actually never minded the mistakes because I always loved what these Magic Stitchers looked like –  part fishing lure,  part rocket  and part medical device –  so I ended up saving all of them and eventually used them in some kind of sculpture or art assemblage.

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This one was bought from the J.L. Hudson Co., THE department store in Detroit when I was growing up.

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Although this wasn’t one of mine but, rather, was acquired more recently on eBay, I remember this box well as Hudson’s is exactly where I used to purchase the multitude of Magic Stitchers that tore up my fingers and had me almost flunking Home Ec.

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If one were to pick up doing crafts as a hobby one of the easiest things to make would surely be this happy little gal toilet paper cozy. A ratty piece of fake fur stitched together with a plastic doll head and adorned, if you’re lucky, with a little satin bow and some kind of cheap necklace, usually with the glue the ‘jewels’ are nesting in sloppily poking out of the sides.

I first saw this particular style in the 1970s when fake fur surged in popularity. Through the years the hairstyles became more ornate and streak filled. I’ve received so many of these as gifts I can’t tell you as it’s surely an item that no one can mistake for anything other than kitsch. I like them because all the toilet girls look so happy.

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I’m not sure why toilet paper cozies became so popular as it’s easy enough to leave a roll of toilet paper in its plastic cover until ready for use. I understand that one aspires to make such a product look more attractive in the bathroom for guests but I still think most guests would pull their host aside to tell them they’re running out of toilet paper before they would disrupt the decorations in the bathroom to see if perhaps a roll of the white stuff was hiding under the head.

Just as popular as the doll’s head toilet paper cozy is the full doll cozy. 1950’s crafts books were filled with instructions for how to make these:

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A good friend of mine has quite a collection of the gals in his bathroom:

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But toilet paper cozies come in all shapes and forms. Here are some I found from a just few seconds of surfing the web:

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I’m rarely the type to think anyone has gone too far but in this case I think the toilet paper cozy fabricator may have done just that:

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Should you not have time to take up crafting on your own, this site even sells gorgeous toilet paper and matching tissue box wardrobe:

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Whatever the case, toilet paper cozies seem to be something that almost anyone can make that are sure to bring a sparkle to the bathroom even if you haven’t been down on your hands and knees all day scrubbing it clean.

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Newberrys, before and after dropping the J.J., was an American five and dime store, my favorite genre of store growing up later supplanted in my affections by 99 and 98 cent stores, thrift shops and any other place I could find a wide and often nonsensical variety of goods for bargain prices. These foot long metal rulers encouraging shoppers that “For a Full Measure of Value The Year-Round Shop Newberrys” featured calendars from September 1957 through December 1959, peak years for the chain whose beckoning portals invited shoppers to drop their cash on lots of cheap and oftentimes fantastically cheesy finds inside.

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Although green on green was a popular color combo in the late 50’s it would have been even better if the rulers featured the store’s original gold serif signature logo on bright red that used to spread across the entire width of the top of the stores.

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The logo changed over the years, dropping the serifs and going to a more modern script font but very little changed inside and it became one of the more excellent trips down memory lane before all the stores disappeared, gobbled up by time as chain monsters like Wal-Mart, K-Mart. stomped through the land.

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This 1928 Newberrys on Hollywood Blvd. in LA is now the Hollywood Magic Shop.

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Thank God I still have two full measures of Newberrys..

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market-basket-coffee-can_2418I love names that are this unassuming.  Market Basket Coffee.  But who wants their coffee to taste like a market basket when you think about it? It’s not very exotic, just a bunch of metal bars being rolled around and stuffed with  food, cleaning products, panty liners and the like. Maybe it was a brand from some big supermarket called Market Basket. Maybe they just wanted to be super generic and basic like a good cup of coffee sitting next to a fried egg; no muss/no fuss, just a nice basic breakfast that won’t upset your stomach and a nice vintage can that still looks good.

The can is battered from decades of use, missing the top and scratched, but still has a permanent spot in the Willis Wonderland kitchen holding its precious cargo that also starts with a ‘c’, cat food.

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Last night I found myself in the middle of another food fest, this time at Ciudad, another one of Top Chef Master competitor Susan Feniger’s restaurants in LA which she owns along with co-stupendous Chef Mary Sue Milliken.  Border Grill in Santa Monica and Las Vegas is theirs too.  As long as Susan remains on Top Chef Masters there’ll be a screening of the Bravo show each week at one of her restaurants, including my beloved Street.

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Just like the first time that Susan was on and slayed the dragon in both challenges, it happened again last night as she and her blue team won a blindfolded Quickfire challenge and cooking for an out-of-town wedding party of 150 guests. As they toiled away, those of us at Ciudad sat outside downtown, hugged by gorgeous skyscrapers, watching it on TV.

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Sample portions of some the winning food was passed around as we watched the competing chefs cook it. Here’s the Potato Baujia with mint cilantro chutney:

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When I go to dinner I don’t like to eat at long tables. Not only do you get cheated out of who might be down at the other end but sometimes the food hovers perilously out of your reach. For occasions like this I like to have my trusty Extendable Fork.

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Luckily I was good friends with everyone sitting at my table, (L-R) Prudence Fenton, Liz Lachman, me, Chef Susan, Nancye Ferguson and Jim Burns, so using the Extendable Fork was not viewed as an intrusion.

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I managed to poke the 3 foot long fork into almost everything. I was too busy perfecting my utensil maneuvers, however, to remember to photograph my favorite salad EVER, the Romaine Hearts with chile rajas, plantain croutons, cabrales and blue cheese vinaigrette, as well as the Argentine Empanadas with wild mushroom, warm chipotle sauce; spinach with pine nuts, raisins, manchego and salsa verde and the Chorizo Crusted Diver Scallops with wild seasonal mushrooms, yuca 2 ways, green gazpacho sauce and minted baby tomatoes. I did, however, manage to hold the camera as well as my Extendable Fork while eating the following dishes:

Peruvian Ceviche with mahi mahi, avocado, lime, ginger and aji amarillo chile:

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Roasted Red and Gold Beet Salad with frisee, goat cheese emulsion, marcona almonds, olive crumble and thyme gelée:

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Piquillo Glazed Boneless Beef Short Ribs with roasted garlic and plantain mofongo, brussel sprouts and bacon and radish salad:

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Regretfully, I forgot to use my Extendable Fork for the following two dishes. Grilled Skirt Steak with warm salad of arugula, baby potatoes, seared red onion, portobello mushrooms, shishito peppers and red chimichurri…

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… and, I could be wrong about this, but I’m pretty sure this is lightly seeded and seared Ono Poblano Tiradito with avocado, petite greens, roasted poblano chile sauce, and soy-aji panca sauce.  Either that or it’s the Roasted Poblano Chile Relleno with potato rajas, cotija cheese, quinoa salad, salsa verde and spiced tomato sauce. I forgot to take a photo of one of them and have no idea which. I can just tell you that whatever this was it was delicious. (Looking at it closer now I’m changing my vote to the Chile Relleno because of those little round grain things poking out of the sauce.)

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All of this was topped off with seven different desserts including Rainforest Macadamia Brownie with vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce,
dulce de leche and toasted coconut and Berry Encanalado, a light sponge cake, cajeta and macerated fresh berries with maple whipped cream.

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It was incredible to eat a meal watching the very chef who prepared it battle for food supremacy on TV.  Susan was the only chef I saw last night who dove to the floor in service of culinary perfection:

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I’m not sure what she’s doing down there but I’m pretty sure it led to winning the challenge with the Egyptian Semolina Cake with Berries & Cream, shown here in this incredibly blurry photo as my Extendable Fork, in use by someone else at the table, knocked my arm as I tried to take the shot.

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It was a winning night all the way around. I got to see Mary Sue, who I haven’t seen since she and Susan hosted an Obama fundraiser at her house featuring 40 different dishes in 2008.

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That’s Prudence Fenton down in front. She also enjoyed the use of the Extendable Fork last night.

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The Extendable Fork and I felt this was a very memorable meal and salute Susan for nailing all four Top Chef Masters challenges she’s faced so far.

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The Extendable Fork, also known as The Freeloader Fork,  is available at Archie McPhee.  Great food is available at Ciudad, Border Grill and STREET.

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I’m supposed to be traveling today but won’t know if I’m going until a couple hours before the flight due to complications on my collaborator’s side. I’m not the world’s most eager traveler to begin with but having a suitcase that makes me smile every time I look at it sure helps if one is of the nature that their traveling psyche can be affected by aesthetics.

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In three weeks I’m throwing a party/AIDS Project of LA fundraiser to introduce the Kitsch Pop art of John Lloyd Young, to whom the musical I co-wrote, The Color Purple, lost the Tony to the musical in which he starred and won a Tony for, Jersey Boys.

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None of which is relevant at all to the Disco suitcases or Pomplamoose, who I’m supposed to be recording with should I actually get on the plane today, other than the chances of me leaving town before the party if I don’t leave this week are grim. But I love working with Pomplamoose and keeping my Disco suitcases packed will keep the flame burning under the pieces of six songs we wrote and recorded together back in December and have been trying to finish ever since.

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I first saw Pomplamoose on YouTube when they did my song, “September”.

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I’ve seen trillions of versions of “September” and no one gets within a continent of Earth Wind & Fire (where my percussion obsession began and what gave me a permanent seat in the vortex of Disco). But Pomplamoose dissected that thing like a frog and reconstructed something inventive and fun so I did what I never do, I tracked them down and asked if they wanted to make records together.

I’m a percussion freak and the rhythmic places Pomplamoose goes is very exciting when one thinks about all the pockets a percussion crazy person like me can drop sonic seasoning into. So here’s what my Disco suitcases are packed with for my trip:

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I loved and still love Disco, not at all a Pomplamoose thing but very much an Allee influence when when thinking about making great Pop records. An incredibly amped and happy state of mind fueled by music that melodically and rhythmically is the equivalent of 48 sets of little feet attached to your heart and racing you over the finish line of Pop Soul.

Disco, and my suitcases as representatives of it, still make me feel good even if I don’t feel good about not knowing whether I’m traveling or not today. We shall arrive whenever the time is right and pick up on the exact bass note we left off on. Of that you can be sure!

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Disco is one of my favorite genres of music EVER.  For the most part I love more sophisticated fare (like “Boogie Wonderland”!) but way back in 1975 I fell hard for the sugary pop sweetness of “Get Dancin'” as performed by the ultra-camp and feathery Sir Monti Rock and his Sex-O-Lettes. Co-written by Bob Crewe (Lady Marmalade, “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and just about everything the Four Seasons sang) this song actually had a great melody and background vocals and exemplified the happy state of mental funktitude that Disco made your brain drip with.

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As if the dangers of using a cell phone while driving aren’t pronounced enough already now we have the ubiquitous gadget coupled with driving danger #2, drinking.  Accompanied by a convenient clip-on carrying case, this was actually really well designed to pass as the real thing when it was first manufactured a few years ago.

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Should you ever see anyone sticking their cell phone in their mouth you know it’s God they’re calling.

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This goldplated bejeweled hunk of plastic air freshener is without question the greatest of its ilk I’ve ever seen.  I, thank God, had the presence of mind to buy the entire stock of two when I saw them at a Pic ‘N Save in the mid-90s and one rode around on the dash of my ’55 Studebaker Commander until I just couldn’t take the glut of sticky sweet strawberry fumes any more.  Which was a blessing in disguise as I almost killed myself several times when the glare from the sparkling gold multifaceted fist almost blinded me.

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Made  in Taiwan by Allison Industries, this “powerful car and home air freshener” is activated by holding the wrist with one hand,  unscrewing the fist with the other and exposing the openings in the bling to adjust the amount of fumes I mean fragrance you want choking I mean filling the air.

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One jewel was missing from both fists though on different fingers and no jewel was loose shaking around in either box.

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It’s amazing to me that someone would pilfer a jewel leaving these beautiful fists behind but I’m sure glad they did or I wouldn’t have their beauty (and stench) to behold today.

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