11Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – My Saturday Drive/Food Fest With Charles Phoenix – Torrance and Inglewood, CA.

11Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – My Saturday Drive/Food Fest With Charles Phoenix – Torrance and Inglewood, CA.

.

As we are oft to do, Charles Phoenix and I took another one of our kitsch spins around LA and environs this past weekend. We were dressed smartly for the occassion, at least from the ankles down:

Our first stop was at Johnnies Pastrami on Sepulveda Blvd. in Culver City:

Johnnies hasn’t changed a lick since it was built in 1952. Counter, stools, booths, jukebox, etc. are all original.

This was confirmed by the man himself, Bob Bass, who built and still owns Johnnies, and who has eaten lunch at his regular table every day since.

I’ve always loved restaurants that park a loaded pickle bowl before you as soon as you sit down.

Charles and I pondered the menu.

But I always go for the same thing, the 1950’s-grilled-to-soda-shop-perfection cheeseburger:

The french fries snap when you sink your choppers into them.

The cole slaw, eternally shredded a tad long, drips with creamy sweetness.

Charles and I were perfectly positioned behind the pie rack.

And although we stared at the bulging slices throughout the meal…

…we had to save room as we always make a donut shop stop on our driving trips.

Circus donuts are good…

…but I much prefer Spudnuts. Which makes sense as judging from the drink station, I think lottery tickets may be bigger business for Circus than donuts.

Next we went deeper into Torrance and hit King’s Hawaiian Bakery on Sepulveda. King’s is not only spectacular for the entrance to the dining room…

… but because of what we go there to buy.

Here I am experiencing a moment of panic upon seeing empty shelves.

You would be too if you knew this was what was inside of the packages we were looking for.

Thankfully, we got the last six loafs of the Rainbow Butter Bread.

All day long we passed beautiful architecture:

I wish all Baskin Robbins still looked like this one on Crenshaw Blvd.:

Nothing great architecturally about this IHOP but it’s spectacular that a horse is used to sell pancakes.

Though I guess it makes as much sense as a bear selling wheel alignments:

There was much beautiful signage along the way.

Although not as dramatic as the previous photos, I always enjoy a sign that employs peculiar use of quote marks:

If “On The” are the two most important words you can spotlight about your burgers, I’m sticking to Johnnie’s. Also featuring two words is the name of this Thai joint:

What a great day! Dinner, thankfully, wasn’t until 10:30 pm.

 

Photo credits: Denny McLain and me.

08Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kellogg’s Cereal Microcamera & Shooting “Born In Detroit”

08Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kellogg’s Cereal Microcamera & Shooting “Born In Detroit”

I spent most of Wednesday afternoon being photographed and interviewed for “Born in Detroit,” a book by Jenny Risher “celebrating Detroit as a unique place that’s cultivated an extraordinary number of singularly influential people.”

To say that I’m elated about being included with the likes of Berry Gordy, Lily Tomlin, Iggy Pop, Eminem, Elmore Leonard, Jerry Bruckheimer, Al Kaline, Smokey Robinson, Holland-Dozier-Holland, Michael Moore and more is an understatement. But it was SO hot yesterday in LA – and my house, at least the room we were shooting in, is largely glass, not the space of choice for a 100+ day – it rendered the photo subject a perpetual waterfall.

The sweat isn’t so visible in that photo but the tuckeredoutness is. It was all I could do to suck on my Vernor’s, Detroit’s finest beverage, to stay cool.

After having almost every relic of my childhood, including photographs and Hi-8 footage, thrown out long ago by my father in a fit of bowing to my stepmother’s wishes to get rid of all the “junk”, in my later years I’ve been fanatic about taking photos. Especially since digital cameras have replaced the torture of buying endless rolls of film that can spoil in the sun, waiting weeks for the drugstore to deliver the oftentimes-blurry-yet-previously-undetectably-so shots, and then misplacing photos after they overtake drawers. This still doesn’t stop me from collecting vintage cameras though:

Nowhere near as elegant as the lipstick camera, my little Kellogg’s honey was a giveaway with a few cereal boxtops. Even cheaper if you had the discount card.

The microcamera is a diminutive 3″ x 1.5″ x 1″.

It’s still in the original box.

It takes 110 film….

….though none is inserted in my Kellogg’s.

I actually have some 110 film in my freezer as we speak because another one of my cameras uses it.

You ought to see that one from the front. It goes nicely with the Kellogg’s cam.

But in truth, neither the Velveeta nor the Kellogg’s take good photos. Which is just as well because as soon as the shoot was done I set my can of Vernors down and it tipped over on the Velveeta cam.

Which is better than if it spilled on the photographer’s autographed computer signed by most of the Detroiters she’d shot for the book.

“Born in Detroit” should be out sometime around Christmas.  Until then I can only hope for cooler weather in LA, more Vernors in the frig, and a safe sleep for my Made-in-Taiwan-by-way-of-Kalamazoo Kellogg’s microcam, another Michigan native.

 

06Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

06Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

Fill ‘Er Up with bull#!@t I say to that jury in the Casey Anthony trial coming up with a not guilty verdict!  They have to have chugged the same Kool-Aid as those defense lawyers, all too often a glutinous breed whose choice of which side of the justice line to stand on makes me ill to begin with. Clinging to the edges of the glass with theories they never even tried to prove and lucky enough to serve the brew to twelve people whose only excuse is that their Florida heat-soaked pea brains had no cells left to absorb any information coming from the prosecution.

Did you hear J. Cheney Mason’s arrogant and idiotic comments after the trial? It rivaled the jury’s lack of conscience. Even Casey Anthony can’t believe what she’s hearing:

I’ve been pretty glued to Nancy Grace/Jane Velez-Mitchell throughout this case and certainly remained so yesterday.

Jane turned the camera towards the courthouse doors, behind which the defense team were having a celebratory champagne toast. And then again at a bar across the street from the courthouse. I don’t see how anyone could have tried this case without being drunk or so high on something all of their senses and any shred of conscience was too numb to be fully functioning.

Even the name of the artist whose work graces this ashtray, though missing an ‘a’ between the ‘M’ and ‘c’, suggests the name of another murderous character.

I can only hope that Casey Anthony will walk the same torturous path that Macbeth did after he snuffed out a life. Perhaps the jurors will walk a path to Casey’s house for the parties she will inevitably throw, so skillful is she at paddling murky waters with her self-soaked criminal brain and flipper feet that left no tracks in the swamp.

How many more shocking things can come out of Florida? This is a state I once loved because of all the fantastic childhood trips I took to Miami Beach. But between the 2000 election, this trial, and all the other nonsensical stuff that’s poured out of it in the last decade, my guard is up.

I know it’s not everyone and every county there. But as long as Casey Anthony is hitting the shopping malls, tattoo parlors and party stores, I’ve had my Fill ‘Er Up of Fla. To you twelve jurors specifically, too lily-livered to speak to the media and tell us your reasoning, if you have kids I hope you’re treating them better than you treated Caylee. For now, just smoke your brains out and try to forget the decision you made. If you need an ashtray, this one’s for you.

05Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Getting To Kenosha and Beyond

05Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Getting To Kenosha and Beyond

LAX last Friday morning, with people leaving for 4th of July, was like D-Day at the stockyards. My whole morning had been like that. Snappy P and I were flying to Chicago to go to friends’ wedding in Kenosha, WI. We figured we’d beat the holiday traffic and take an early flight, but by 7am. the pigs were chomping full force at the trough. I’ve never traveled on prime getaway day for  a holiday before in my life and now I know why.

The ten trillion people at the airport weren’t the worst of the problem. I woke up with a headache and was nauseous when my alarm rang at 5 am. That’s usually right about when I finally fall asleep. The peanut butter sandwich Snappy P gave me once the car picked both of us up didn’t help. She’s a health nut and used almond butter and sprinkled unsalted peanuts on top.  I’m a junk nut and if it’s not Skippy, the blasphemy of a healthy brand makes me ill.

A blurry shot I know but trust me, it’s more appetizing that way. Equally unappetizing and all too familiar, most of my Apple devices were suffering serious ailments. I’m on my third iPhone. When the battery decides to enter old age the declne is fast. I have an older one for backup that can only be used when plugged in because on its own the life sucks out of it in about four minutes. My newer iPhone 4 is already showing signs of Dementia. All made worse because American Airlines has evidently not heard that most people have mobile devices these days. There were only four plugs in a seating area that was a half a block long, and those had been permanently plugged up. I watched at least ten people screw up their electrical cords trying to jam them in the sockets. There was thankfully one Samsung charging station per gate. But that means six outlets for hundreds of people. I had to wander six gates down to find a plug and then the seating wasn’t optimum:

Once plugged in, I got an email from the bride-to-be that said there had been a windstorm in Kenosha the night before and most of the town’s power was still gone. So there was no way I could leave my “seat” as my phones, computer, and two ipads needed to be as charged as much as possible for the weather conditions we were about to enter. However, leave the terrazzo I was forced to do because there were constant gate changes. By the time the airline settled on gate 45, where we had originally started, it added an hour onto the departure time. Although I wasn’t to arrive there for another five hours, here’s what conditions were like all over Kenosha:

Once on American flight 1196, the 200+ passengers went even more nuts because the overhead compartments were the size of hatboxes. So unless you were only traveling with your Burger King bag, even more time was sucked up by everyone’s carry-ons having to be checked. And when’s the last time you were on a plane with no air vents?!

Under the best of conditions I’d still like air conditioning chips installed in my body, so the lack of those little nozzles that spray other people’s germs on you was very disquieting. Not to mention that this was my view for 3 1/2 hours:

You know what? If your head’s in this condition and your ass isn’t in a leather seat on your own private Lear jet, please have some consideration for the person 17 inches behind you and wear a hat! And I don’t want to see your hairy legs either. With all the rules the airlines are making these days can’t they add mandatory long pants t0 the list??

We finally landed in Chicago, jumped into our rental car and hit the freeway, or should I say parking lot.

Thankfully, I had just downloaded AT&T Navigator on my iPhone, which I’m happy to report is a lot more reliable than their cell service. I can’t say I’ve ever been happy with the iPhone’s map app so it was a real relief to have that talking lady lead us to Kenosha on surface roads. It was going to take a little longer but I figured we’d spot all kinds of vintage motels and diners and taking photographs of all that is my favorite thing to do. But I’m sad to report that everything has been mowed down or renovated so it looks like anywhere-just-outside-any-city, USA. The only exciting thing was that we passed the headquarters of Uline, an office supply place I’ve been ordering stuff from for at least 15 years because anything you get arrives bright and early the next day even if you don’t order it until 5 PM. I’ve often fantasized about the location of this fantastically efficient company and was sure they had to have warehouses in LA for such fast delivery. So although there’s no vintage blinking signs or architecture to write home about, at least Uline popped up in the endless miles of asphalt and tall grass.

Just as we hit the Kenosha line there was one incredible vintage architectural relic:

That’s the old drive-in theater that we were supposed to see a movie at that night but the windstorm had taken the screen out so our one shot at vintage immersion was not to be.  Signs of the windstorm were everywhere.

Nothing could destroy the mighty pillars of the one “big” hotel in Kenosha, however, The Best Western. Here’s the grand entrance:

At least it overlooked a lake.

Which is good because I wouldn’t want to have had to swim in the hotel’s pool or should I say…:

So we bypassed the poo and hit the elevator to drop everything off in the room. Snappy’s food dropped somewhere else:

No salad to munch on, we  got dressed and headed over to Villa Di Carlos across the street where a pizza dinner for the out-of-town wedding guests was being held. Even just walking from the hotel to the restaurant produced about 25 pounds of sweat so it was a relief to walk into not just air conditioning but a cheese haven of 4th of July wonderment:

I’m not sure how the Easter chick made it in but he did:

Unfortunately we were directed to an empty room downstairs where one vent spit out a sputtering stream of air if you happened to be sitting directly in front of it, which we weren’t. It was then I remembered why I left the Midwest behind so many years ago and moved to Los Angeles, where 99% of the time there’s no humidity and everything is air-conditioned anyway. Unless I wanted to be a maniac all weekend I just gave in and decided that I was going to be fine feeling like a baby’s diaper the whole weekend as most likely everyone else did too. Besides, the wedding couple, Natalie Lent and Chris Bruss, both friends from LA, were fabulous and we were there to support them and not my vintage architecture and kitsch sightings habit.

The next morning we woke up and hit Frank’s Diner, a 1928 railroad car style diner, featured on Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

If  I thought I produced sweat the day before, it was nothing compared to the downpour that occurred inside the sweat lodge known as Frank’s.

The place itself was fabulous, the food was good but not A+ phenomenal, and the service made waiting for the flight at LAX the day before seem like the bullet train. The place is long and narrow and the line continues throughout the entire diner,…

…nowhere near a match for the two ceiling fans over the counter and vents on the floor near the booths.

The last time I looked, vents in walls or ceilings produced far better effects. But I suppose that people who only go to diners because they’re featured on television think that part of the experience is dripping into your food. It took almost an hour to get a turkey club and a tall stack. Pancakes were good and thick and the turkey club was juicy but filled with processed gobbler. I should’ve gotten the specialty of the house, the “garbage” egg concoctions:

And the next morning at Mike’s Burgers I should’ve gotten the fries:

And I guess I should’ve dressed more festively. It’s not often I’m outdone.

I can’t say Kenosha was my favorite destination point. We had a great time at the wedding and the hotel, although not opulent and featuring a poo, at least wasn’t crawling with what this house a couple blocks away was:

Yesterday morning, Snappy and I said goodbye to the bride…

We took the non-descript surface road ride back to O’Hare and I found plugs for some of my mobile devices.

We were in the air when the fireworks started so missed that but I have to say that flying on a holiday gives you a very empty airport and on-time flights, i.e. painless travel. And this time it got us LA.

04Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 4th of July BBQ Recipes

04Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 4th of July BBQ Recipes

One of the best things about the 4th of July is the food one consumes as a means of celebration, and normally my Independence Day spread looks like the above. I would be eating that or any of the following recipes were I not on a plane flying back from a wedding in Kenosha and munching on a can of Pringles as we speak.

So I’m going to pretend my mouth is chewing something other than dried potato wafers as I tell you what would be on the grill at Willis Wonderland today were I home instead of packed in next to a snoring pork of a passenger on American somewhere over Nebraska. First there’s my favorite recipe of all, Bacon Wrapped Hamburger Hot Dog Turtles. Thank you, k2dtw, for submitting this beauty to The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch!  Just jam three weenies through a hamburger, whack the appropriate weenie limbs for feet, shave the tail, wrap the torso with bacon and throw the reptile on the grill for perfect BBQ sealife.

Although not as pretty of a design as the carnivore turtle, the Original Bacon Explosion packs more pound-for-pound bacon punch. There’s a documented-better-than-a-crime-scene recipe for this charred-looks-like-something-else too here.

Even better, the Original Bacon Explosion comes with its own Bacon Explosion Pig-Porter!!

I would love, of course, if I was the one who turned you on to the Bacon Explosion but its fame is well-established:

For a BBQ treat slightly more obscure, how about an Ultimate Meat Lover’s BBQ Pizza?

And for dessert, how bout a flag cake? I’d go with donut holes for the white part.

Actually, I’d rather serve an ice cream cone Uncle Sam.

Any cake with color correct food coloring is also fine…

…as well as marshmallow studded kabobs:

For optimum eating pleasure, serve all of the above on appropriate BBQ dinnerware. Don’t even ask me how many pieces of this pattern I have.

Happy 4th, happy BBQ and happy listening should you be lucky enough to own this:

I shall be chewing along pretending I’m not on a plane sitting next to a man whose hairy legs are protruding from his khaki shorts making it impossible for me to enjoy my (BBQ sauce-less) Pringles.

 

03Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Cow Udder Cup

03Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Cow Udder Cup

As you read this, I’m boiling away in Kenosha, Wisconsin where I’m attending two friends’ wedding. Getting up at 4:30 AM to make the plane here didn’t make me the happiest of campers but at least I had the foresight to sip my barely-morning joe out of this udderly fantastic souvenir Wisconsin cup in attempts to enter the proper dairy state state of mind.

I have very fond feelings for Wisconsin as not only did I attend four stupendous years of college in Madison, but I returned there last September for my conducting debut.

If I had an inch to spare in my suitcase, always packed as if a natural disaster could hit at any moment and I could sustain myself for weeks despite the fact that I may only be gone for three days, I might have brought my Wisconsin cup.  But this is a brat and beer state and udders don’t exactly spew the latter.

Besides, the coffee at the Best Western, THE hotel in town, has been lukewarm every time I’ve  tried it, so it’s not worthy of swimming on top of the milking spouts. But speaking of swimming, the coffee machine is located in the lobby and that overlooks the pool, or should I say poo.

If it were winter, it would be nice to sit with a nice cup of coffee and ponder the meaning of ‘gister otel gues on y’.  But it’s summer, it’s hot and humid, and a steaming cup of the stuff is not what me-who-would-rather-have-air-conditioning-chips-inserted-into-her-body-than-sweat needs. Which means I’m just fine without my udder cup here in

30Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Badger Droppings Candy

30Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Badger Droppings Candy

I do like when a state maximizes the amount of merchandise that can be culled from any of that state’s icons, in this case the badger, that animal into which a human is stuffed as a mascot, which then runs around the University of Wisconsin football field whipping the fans of the UW Badgers into a frenzy. The concept of eating badger droppings, however, is an entirely different matter as it’s not often I’m attracted to food that tastes like shit. But I must say these chocolate covered sunflower seeds are quite a tasty surprise.

I don’t even like sunflower seeds and when I eat chocolate I like it to be more than a 16th of an inch thick.

But these droppings are quite habit forming and I’ve had at least  three forest’s full of badger contents in the last few hours. Which makes perfect sense as I’m about to depart tomorrow for a wedding in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

The closest I’ve ever been to a badger before inserting its droppings in my mouth was when I attended the University of Wisconsin in the late 1960s. Here I am with one of my sorority sisters, Judy Kittay, and a papier-mâché Bucky Badger I made for some event we were having at the sorority house.

Here’s a more recent photo of the actual Bucky:

This was taken last year when I went back to my alma mater to conduct the marching band playing a medley of my greatest hits at the Homecoming football game against Minnesota.

I certainly hope that the food at the wedding will be slightly more substantial than badger droppings. But just in case I don’t fill up, I’ve brought them along.

 

29Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Sauna Jacket

29Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Sauna Jacket

“Perspiration motion is carried out intensively and working out of the upper half of the body!!” Well, you can say that again!

I’m not quite sure why perspiration promotion deserves two ‘!!’s. Although I can attest to the fact that perspiration happens the second this smothering sheet of black is pulled over the upper half.

The last time I checked, perspiration could also transpire on the lower parts of the body. Though I’m not sure I would want “rubber processing” occurring anywhere:

Lest there be any confusion as to which part of the body a JACKET goes on, there’s this:

Despite this fashion being clearly marked as a “veste du sauna” I don’t think I need any article of clothing making me boil anymore in du sauna:

Notice that height is measured in inches. That usually stops after you’re a few years old.

It’s very nice that the Sauna Jacket comes with a ‘hood cover”, though I’m used to that phrase referring to something that goes over a stove or grill of a car:

I’m not so sure about wearing ‘clothing of absorbency’ if there’s a chance that my clothes will poison me:

Speaking of poisoning, I always look forward to reading the warnings on such imported products:

I would never wear my sauna jacket WITH a washing machine or dryer, the latter of which is spelled with a ‘y’ and not an ‘i’, fyI Daiso industries. And should I ever have to dry my sauna jacket, I’m not sure where to go for ‘shade of ventilation’. I would never bring it ‘close to a fire side’. I hope that any medical treatment I receive will never be ‘sick’. And I must say it really concerns me that the usage of any item of clothing be determined by what mood I’m in: ‘Do not use at the time of a bad condition or at the time of fatigue’. And I’m not sure what else I would use this jacket for but I will attempt to heed the advice of ‘Do not use in addition to an original use’.

The warning I’m most concerned about, however, is the one that I can’t understand no matter how much I attempt to interpret it: “There is individual difference in an effect”. Huh?? Perhaps there’s just too much responsibility in wearing the sauna jacket.

And so it’s now safely folded up and slipped back into it’s wrapper. Hopefully no one will stick the package fire side or in the shade of ventilation.

28Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Bowler’s Coffee Cup

28Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Bowler’s Coffee Cup

I’m not a bowler. But I AM a bowling-kitsch-artifact collector crazy person. Bowling was THE happy-go-lucky, stylish, social sport of the 1950’s. So it follows that I would like anything that involves bowling balls and the accoutrements that accompany it, even occasionally lifting the ball myself and tossing it down the lane for the inevitable gutter ball.

Well, at least I had balls. I love the sound, feel and aesthetics of a bowling alley. I love the balls, the shoes, the snack bar, the tables you sit at to keep score. And over the years, other than the snack bar, I’ve collected a lot of it. I have bowling coin purses…

…a bowling pin lamp…

…a bowling pin bottle opener…

… bowling balls in my garden…

… bowling tables in my home…

… a wide assortment of bowling coffee mugs…

… bowling shoes…

…and a bowling ball brush.

I even use bowling trophies as door handles in my house…

…and have them carved into the floor.

That’s my kitchen floor, above which the Bowler’s Coffee Cup featured today sits in a cupboard stocked with other vintage cups.

I drink out of the bowling cup a lot because it cheers me up when I stagger into the kitchen bleary-eyed every morning.

I love all the graphics on this cup.

Less thought out than the graphics, however, was the color used to create them. I love when people who design things don’t think about the product in full use, in this case coffee being poured into the cup and lessening the effect substantially.

And that’s a real gutter ball.

27Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Richard Simmons!

27Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Richard Simmons!

I was going to feature my Richard Simmons towel as my kitsch offering of the day:

But I decided to feature the real thing instead because of how far we go back.

I met Richard Simmons in 1981 when he first decided he wanted to cut a record. Bruce Roberts and myself wrote and co-produced  the entire Reach album. We worked on it with Richard for almost a year. With Richard singing lead and calling out exercise commands, it was filled with real pop songs and the hottest studio musicians and background singers around.

I just found this on youtube.  I don’t know who posted it and it sounds like it was transferred inside a muffler, but it’s the first 2 and 1/2 songs on Side 1. Bear in mind that this was done in the midst of the very first wave of aerobic/Jazzercise/Jane Fonda exercise-mania.

I’m even on the album cover:

Let’s take a closer look at that:

That was probably the last time I ever went to an exercise class, other then when I met Richard at his studio, Slimmons, this last Saturday. I can’t say I was in sweats or that I even sweat at all. In fact, I went to meet him for lunch. But I answered a lot of e-mail and got a little writing done on my iPad as literally hundreds of folks who came to his Saturday morning workout class huffed and puffed and did the sweating around me.

In actuality, I did use my towel to wipe some sweat from my brow because it was hot in LA this weekend and there was no air-conditioning in class. I know that’s the way people do it if they’re serious about exercising or yoga or anything else where it’s good that your natural goodness pours out of you. But I, on the other hand, am the type who would rather have an air-conditioning chip installed in their body if such things were yet invented.

I know my outfit isn’t as pretty as Richard’s and I’m not as slim. If only I could shed as many pounds as I have great memories. But the memories and friendships keep me stuffed with joy and that’s what life (if not exercise) is all about.