Kitsch Honorable Mention For Excellence In Packaging Copy: On the front: “For body and back”. The last time I looked my back was part of my body. On the back: “Cleaning Products that are out of this world”. I’m thinking they make janitorial supplies. I googled them. They do.
I’m not sure how golf balls became the standard for Kitsch building materials but from poodle sculptures to lamps they adorn some of the greatest Kitsch gems of all time. This lamp is the Velveeta of my collection. Turquoise and natural white balls mounted on a stem that forever tips. The lamp weighs a ton and falls over with regularity as little thought was given to equal distribution of ball weight. I suppose this is why, upping the Kitsch factor, a lacey cast iron shade is mounted over a more fragile pleated fabric shade that would have long ago been crushed by the number of falls the lamp has sustained. Or, in a kitsch lover’s dream, perhaps it’s there to throw a pattern on what I hope was a wood slat sunburst or tin foil covered wall in the original owner/ crafter’s home.
Taking meat and kitsch to a new high, Burger King’s Flame cologne promises to make you smell like a romantic burger. With one spritz and the slogan “Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat”, BK Flame roars ahead of Avon at even its Mid Century cheese peak to take the top tier in the Parthenon Of Kitsch. This audacious expression of marketing kitsch makes me forgive BK for having the scariest and most unappetizing mascot of all time, that king with the big head. Remember, the next time you smell something cooking it could be the guy next to you.
Featuring an emory board arch, this “Pampered Foot” bottle is a Kitsch lover’s molded plastic dream. The cream inside smells like feet but God knows how long it’s been coagulating inside this appendage. To pretty feet everywhere!
JOYCE! As a result of this 1983 Kitsch classic LP, Joyce may not have had the opportunities now presented to Ms. Boyle but she certainly had the look to permeate our hearts and remain there as long. I was lucky enough to find this cover (LP long gone) in 1983 at my favorite junkyard, The Champagne Of The Salvage Industry (real name), in Long Beach, CA. As that was the year of the LP’s release, perhaps the songstress and her songs, featuring “I Get All Excited”, weren’t quite as compelling as the cover. But like Susan Boyle, word of Joyce has spread virally over the years, especially after her inclusion in the 2004 book, The Worst Album Covers in the World. I pride myself among the lucky ones to own a piece of Joyce Drake of Sealy, Texas who, if she’s still around, I hope is sharpening her pipes for next year’s Idol auditions.
I’m a big fan of state souvenirs, especially since most states have the identical souvenir snow globes, ashtrays and pen holders, all of which have nothing to do with the state itself other than the name decal slapped on front. But hats off to New Mexico for going a step further on the disconnect scale and having these teeth salt and pepper shakers. If anyone is aware of the connection between these choppers and “The Land Of Enchantment” I’m all ears or, should I say, teeth.
As an avid multi-tasker, I put my feet to work whenever possible. As opposed to when I first started wearing them a couple of years ago, these comfy yet practical foot coverings are at the brink of over-exposure after being featured on Leno the night before last. Also evidence of their proliferation, you can find them a zillion places online and, as opposed to the original plaid, they now come in a zillion colors, fabrics and brands.
Just as kitschy as the footwear itself, I love this description of them from www.asseenontvguys.com (not to be confused with www.asseenontv.com). Could the company with the Kitsch klassic name have said the same thing over and over again (and with sloppier grammar and punctuation) just one more time?!
“Dust mop slippers and mitt pick up dirt, and dust quickly and easily. Slippers grab pet hair as you slide across the floor, save time walking dirt away. No more bending or kneeling. Dust While You walk. No more kneeling and stooping to clean those out of the way places. Simply slip on these convenient slippers for a clean and sparkling floor. Frees you hands for other chores. Slip these convenient mop slippers onto your feet to easily dust mop your floors! Easily clean those out of the way places without kneeling or stooping. A great time saver!”
To clean floors and sylish feet!
Equal opportunity religion.
I’m a monster fan of integration be it a business strategy, department store or coffee cup design. The integration of the ‘o’ from ‘Disco’ into the cup handle is genius to the point that the monster mistake made is excusable. That drippy moss green ceramic glaze is vintage Hippie, as far away from a Disco color scheme or technique as imaginable. Which kicks this cup even higher on the Kitsch scale than cup design alone.
…with all the eggs, chicks, peeps, bunnies, roosters, shredded cellophane and bagels upon it. I made this out of foamcore and the aforementioned materials Easter,1998. There were recipes for “Eggs In Exciting Ways” from a vintage cookbook under the brim. I’m wearing the hat now and having a very Happy Easter and I hope you are too.
