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Although one of these little fish was a victim of the 1994 LA earthquake and lost the tip of her fin this happy couple are still among my favorite salt-and-pepper shakers in my collection of 1000 or so vintage ones. Though any ceramic animal, fish, vegetable or otherwise that has eyelashes immediately leaps it to a higher ranking in the army of Kitsch over here.

The only drag about these stone cold 1950’s/ Made in Japan amphibians is that the holes drilled for the S&P to come through are so huge that once you flip the fish over the entire Morton Salt mine blankets the food like an avalanche. Over the years I’ve learned how to bend my wrist just so in order to release the desired amount but they still terrorize dinner guests if I haven’t remembered to swap them out for a pair with more delicate holeage.

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As if knee high stockings weren’t Kitsch enough I love that Sophia’s desk is a dining table.

I can’t imagine anyone whose skirt is that short getting away with knee-hi’s. Apparently Sophia thinks this look is fashionable which is good as for sure once she removes them the impression left by the elastic will remain pressed into her legs for a good half  hour more of leg fashion. But perhaps they don’t bother her because, unlike in real life, they’re not even visible in the photo.

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Anyone who’s worn this type of stocking knows they end up choking your legs, getting more and more hideous and annoying as they roll progressively down your gams until they finally turn into little roly-poly worms making your ankles look fat. As close as these things will ever get to my legs is contained in the cellophane on display in my bathroom.

Sophia’s pearls go nicely with her stockings.

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Unless you were Frank Sinatra Bing Crosby was about as big as you could get in the 1950’s. Big enough to rule the Hit Parade AND in 1953 get his own brand of ice cream. He even owned the brand, Bing Crosby Ice Cream Sales, Inc., Hollywood, California, which he licensed to Valley Farm’s (excellent use of a misplaced apostrophe) who  promised that the contents was of  “Cream of the Stars” quality.

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This carton was one of my earliest vintage possessions. When I first started  seriously collecting in the early ’70s I used to spot these  in thrift shops all the time. In the 80’s I used them a lot in my collage art figuring I’d always be able to find more. But now they’ve gotten appropriately rare so all I have left is this one faded carton with hardly any Bing left and a photo of a flattened carton I took when I stumbled on a whole case of them back in the day.

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I wish there was still ice cream in the carton because if it was half as smooth as Bing sang it would be one tasty lump of sugar stuff. And it certainly would’ve gone well with the Allee Willis Ho Ho (yes, that’s the real name) dessert I shared last night at Street, my fave restaurant in LA (which I co-own), with John Lloyd Young, who won a Tony for playing Frankie Valli in Jersey Boys (to which my very own Color Purple lost for Best Musical in 2006). John’s as smooth a singer as Bing.

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You may think it’s a stretch to connect an ice cream carton to Ho Hos and then to John but if you knew what we were cooking up together you would  see that it was the most direct link possible. Let’s just say that John loves cartons and I love what John does to cartons and Bing Crosby graced a carton so all ends meet perfectly in the middle.

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These little hard plastic record coasters were all the rage in the 1950’s and 60’s when 45’s and 33-1/3’s were blasting from hifi’s all over the world and Tom Collins, Manhattans and Hi Balls were resting on them as everyone did The Jitterbug and Stroll, topping it off with The Twist.   Some of the coasters were just cheesy versions of records featuring hit drinks:

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Others used them as an advertising tool:

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All of them came in handy little record jackets:

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They were cute and practical as water rings no longer ruined blond wood kidney shaped tables and other groovy Atomic furniture the drinks were set upon.

I had a set of these last night with me in the recording studio so I didn’t leave rings on the mixing console. Although we’re not holding our drinks or displaying our coasters they were there in full force. I wanted my mind in peak enjoyment mode as I got to hear/produce Fantasia recording my song, “I’m Here” from my musical, The Color Purple, LIVE with a 40 piece orchestra.

fantasia,aw,im-here_6984(L-R) Frank Filipetti (engineer), Brenda Russell (my co-writer/ co-producer), Stephen Bray (co-writer/ co-producer), Joseph Joubert (arranger, conductor), Fantasia, Greg Phillinganes (keyboard player extraordinaire) and me (co-writer/ co-producer).

I’ve been collecting these coasters long enough that I could have brought one for everyone but the night was about making music and not decorating so the bulk of my stash stayed safely at home awaiting the next cocktail, Slurpee or Vernors to be placed upon it.

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In the 1950’s, people were very creative about how they packed their liquor to self medicate at ballgames, in cars or just to show off at parties.  This flask, sold in magazine catalogs and naughty peep shops, was one of the most popular ones around for very obvious reasons.

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Made by Master Plastics, BB stands a lofty 7 inches high and contains enough liquor to do the trick several times over. No double entendres intended on the words “high” and “trick”.

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I love the bikini line in the lower 40.  Although it doesn’t continue in the back so maybe she just oinked on a few ounces.

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While I was taking photographs of this fantastic 1950’s “Don’t Forget” hand statue I forgot what I wanted to say. It was something on the order of that despite the fact that this well manicured translucent plastic hand which is meant to sit on a stack of papers and remind you how important they are has sat on my desk for years, an ever-escalating mountain of notes continually builds under it.

The statue, only 5″tall, is very light so I spend a good portion of my day crawling underneath my desk where it or the papers it’s protecting have fallen each time I try and shove another paper under it. I forget where I bought it as well as why I bought it as it most certainly doesn’t work for the purpose for which it was designed but it’s so great looking I’m not about to to retire it. It’s been of no help whatsoever improving my memory or reminding me of anything but at least I get to look at something cute every time I look over and see what else I’ve forgotten to do on any particular day.

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The National Garden of Kitsch is landscaped with Astroturf. This petite little handbag only has enough room in it for a couple packs of grass seed but I throw my cell phones in it (I’m always losing one so there has to be at least two), two cameras (same reason) and two sets of keys (same again) and I’m ready to experience a sunny and pleasant day regardless of whatever it’s doing outside.

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Pigmy Will and Feathers – created, written, art directed and “acted” by me and Prudence Fenton, animation and special effects director for Pee-Wee’s Playhouse and all around the animated visual genius – have added a new friend to their neighborhood. Whiska,  a pineapple who sees the world through polar opposite eyes than Pigmy or Feathers and who tricycles into town in this introductory episode (if I can be so generous and label something an episode that consists of a few seconds of poorly drawn and animated nonsense).

Pigmy Will is a prince of Kitsch and exemplifies what I love most about the genre, an eternally positive and happy outlook on life, choosing to forge ahead on one’s own individual path despite what anyone else may think about it.

Other Pigmy Will faves:

Pie Day

“The Counter

“The Boat Ride

“SOS#1

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La Bamba

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I can’t tell you how many pairs of eyeglasses I’ve lost through the years. Easily in the hundreds as in addition to any prescription ones I may have had – during one insane year when Color Purple opened on Broadway I had 57 pairs with my current prescription –  I also have always collected vintage frames and was always leaving them places, sitting on them or finding them years later in the pocket of a jacket I outgrew either in size or taste.

Before LaLoop, which I’ve worn around my neck for the last seven or eight years and which saved so many pairs I can’t tell you, I used to pick up these vintage eyeglass holder pins whenever I saw them.  Tons of them were in the shape of vintage glasses, owls or little hands.

Other than a few shattered lenses or broken side arms when someone hugged me too tight this particular pin should receive a Lifeguard award for saving so many spectacles’ lives.

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Glasses themselves: LA Eyeworks

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This gargantuan vase honoring prescription drugs was handed out as a promotional item by drug companies in the 1950’s when they really went for great promo swag as opposed to the fat pens, squeeze balls and mortar and pestle post-its that flood doctor’s offices today. In those days, if you had a promo item it was SOMETHING.

A healthy 8″ high and almost obese 18″ around, this vase can hold enough RX to keep you going a lifetime.

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The RX vase was made by Rex (not a stretch) Ceramics of Hollywood, CA., where these vases were most certainly and unabashedly popular.

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