21Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – R.I.P. Alex Steinweiss

21Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – R.I.P. Alex Steinweiss

Alex Steinweiss passed away last Sunday. Even if you don’t know his name there’s no way you don’t know his work. Steinweiss literally invented the album cover. Before the 1930’s, records came in brown paper sleeves. At 23, he was hired by Columbia Records and suggested that the music be accompanied by poster art. Thus began the singlemost prolific and influential record jacket design career the world has ever known. Not only did Steinweiss give life to the record industry but he made the burgeoning Atomic Age visible to the public, creating the first wave of freeform design that designers still ride today.

Everything Steinweiss did burst with color. You could hear the music without listening to it just by looking at one of his covers. He was as great at what he did as it gets. His style is still imitated, though I’ve never seen anyone nail it like Steinweiss, who makes even the most successful designer of modern graphics look like a copycat.

And those aren’t even his most famous covers. But it gives you an idea of the rhythmic and lyrical style that still influences modern design today. This was the first time this stuff was being done. Just look at the Google image search page for an overview crash course.

I was lucky enough to have a piece of art in an album cover show at the Robert Berman Gallery in LA a few years ago that featured hundreds of Steinweiss’ LPs. It was a tribute show to him with a wide variety of artists designing their own album covers.
.
.
One of my favorite Steinweiss covers was Porgy and Bess. When I was (co)writing The Color purple musical, I listened to that soundtrack a lot. MP3s of course but that record cover was still in my head as I saw it so much as a kid. I hadn’t been a musical theater aficionado before I got the Color Purple gig. To bone up, I started listening to every theater soundtrack I could get my hands on, especially studying Black musicals. Hearing Porgy and Bess again was what put the genre over the top for me and made me excited about writing a musical myself.
.
Here’s Steinweiss’ cover:
.
.
And here’s my Color Purple-tinged take on Steinweiss for the gallery show:
.
.
My piece not only interpreted my musical but commented on the fact that both Porgy and Purple were two of the very, very few all Black musicals on Broadway ever, and that one of those was (co)written by me. That’s a lot to stuff into a piece which was at times torturous to design. I could feel the incredible artistic journey I took making it once I stood back and saw it hanging on the wall. Especially with hundreds of actual Steinweisses, not to mention the man himself, only feet away.
.
.
I got to meet Steinweiss too, which was a THRILL. I know we took photos together but I can’t find them for the life of me. So I’ll settle for being thankful for the life of Alex Steinweiss. His artistic influence on me was MASSIVE. Without him, all there was was the record. With Steinweiss, came story and concept and full expression of the artist and art form, without which I would die. R.I. P. Mr. Steinweiss.
.
.

 

20Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Peds Display Foot

20Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Peds Display Foot

When I was in my adolescent and teen years in Detroit, stuffing my big feet into high heels and T-straps, both of which looked far better sans socks, PEDS were a MAJOR revolution. They were the very first commercially released beige skin colored socklets that acted like socks but were tucked well below the shoe line and made it appear that you were wearing nylons. Which I hated even more than heels.

I’m pretty sure I had Peds on in this photo:

In theory, Peds were brilliant. In practical application, they stunk. Literally. After they slipped down into your shoe until it felt like you were walking on a clump of laundry, the heavy material they were made of soaked up pounds of foot sweat and smelled like they had been used to wrap fish in and left in a gym hamper for six months.

Still, I had quite an inventory of Peds to avoid the dreaded nylons and pantyhose. This might not have happenened had I discovered the beauty and necessity of coordinated socks and shoes, but that adventure into my own style wasn’t to happen for another decade or so.

But back in the 1960’s, a girl needed to dress like a dainty girl. Or so I thought. And that meant wearing those damn heels. Or flats, but even those were still mostly worn without socks. You can’t see them in the photo but this was my first time in high heels, at my sister’s wedding:

I distinctly remember feeling my Peds slipping as that photo was snapped.

This Peds display was a very early thrift shop find of mine. These days I’m much happier to stare lovingly at it than to have little socklets grip my foot like a python in a sauna and lose elasticity faster than a 90 year old.

19Jul 2011

Allee Willis Kitsch O’ The Day – Hollywood Finger Cigarette Ring

19Jul 2011

Allee Willis Kitsch O’ The Day – Hollywood Finger Cigarette Ring

The only thing I love more than a really bad fashion idea is a really excellent display card to feature it on. The idea of a cigarette ring, or any kind of a ring to park some kind of smokable in, is actually pretty great were the part of the ring meant to hold the smoldering log large enough to accommodate it. But in the case of the Hollywood Finger Ring, unless you’re packing Virginia Slims, that ain’t going to happen.

Though they do suggest this:

Then again, why don’t you just carry a blowtorch? But, if we give some license and assume that a cigarette or some other rolled substance would, in fact, fit into the little carriage, here are some of the many instances in which such a ring would come in very handy:

As much as I abhor cigarettes or being in the vicinity of someone else partaking of the habit, I really think this is a brilliant concept. However, in addition to the already discussed too small opening for an actual sized cig, the rings are made of colorful plastic. Which means that they would most likely appeal most to kids. Who we don’t want to encourage to smoke. So this brilliant concept = stupid product.  Which is just what we love placing on the shelves here at The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch.


18Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – The Cheesiest Transportation LP Covers & Captions Saluting CarmageddoNOT!

18Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – The Cheesiest Transportation LP Covers & Captions Saluting CarmageddoNOT!

.

Local news is my favorite TV to begin with. The tans, the hairspray, the fact that I know all of the locations, all this makes for exciting kitsch viewing. Last Friday, when Carmageddon – a term I hate but one which took on mythic proportion in weeks past – was about to hit as a 10 mile stretch of the 405 freeway was closing for repairs, my house was stocked with food and I had enough work to keep me locked inside for months.

Saluting the madness with an array of transportation related cheesy LP covers that I posted on Facebook, one for every hour the freeway remained closed, was my way of having my own little Carmageddon celebration all weekend long. As it happened, the work was completed way ahead of schedule so I only got to serve 35 slices of LP cheese as opposed to the full wheel of 52.

The following is the full platter, posted in real time as events occurred. Captions following each LP were submitted by Facebook followers and appear in italics.

LP#1 – The first ramp closes.

Mark Blackwell: “”Willie go ’round in circles…”” ‎

Mike Itsbatmansilly: “This brother is so smooth he gets tweets from Jesus”

Laurie Smith: If Willie was serious about the rapture then he’d have a sun roof.

Mark Blackwell: “With Jesus as his co-pilot, Willie always takes the carpool lane…

Mark Christian Miller: Driving Mass Crazy

Amy Ronis: One toke over the line, sweet Jesus….

 

LP#2 – More ramps closing.

Vinca Price: Look at those headlights! Oh, the car isn’t bad, either.

Mark Blackwell: ‎”It’s what’s under the hooker…er, i mean ‘hood’…that counts…”

Laurie Smith: Central Parking lot.

Amy Ronis: ‎”Broadsided on the freeway.”


LP#3 – Only a couple ramps left open.

Mark Blackwell: ‎”Like a Jeannie in a bottleneck…”


LP#4 – All ramps closed.

Howie Pyro: i WSHHHHHHHHHHH they would shut up with this Carmageddon crap!

Mark Blackwell: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH…it.

Amy Ronis: c’mon and “VOGUE!”


LP# 5 – Freeway completely closes. I’m going to bed.

Ted Nimmo: “I was sure I left my trailer here.”

David Gene Echt: “Is this the Smoking Car?”

Steve Stubbleyou: “Man, I sure could use a ride to Sugartown from Nancy right about now.”


LP#6 – Carpooling on city streets.

David George: Thinking of changing their name to the 4-0-Five and leading a parade on the newly completed carpool lane…

Mark Blackwell: Crystal mess…

Amy Ronis: Carpoolin’ chain gang

Steven Collings Russell: “Drop my hand and PUSH, bitch!”

 

By this point, Demolition is in full gear.

 

LP#7 – So far none of the freeways are backed up.

Mark Blackwell: Al B. Not-So-Sure…


LP#8 –  $4 Jet Blue flights from Burbank to Long Beach sold out in less than an hour.

Bob Ricketts: Is that co-pilot in drag ????

Cheryl Bianchi: Fly the friendly cielos…

Mark Blackwell: ‎”Odd is my co-pilot…”

Steve Stubbleyou: Founders of the Mile High Club.

Danetta Cox Cordova:  Sorry to say, they never let women fly back then. She’s just keeping the co-pilot’s seat warm.


LP#9 – Bicyclists start crosstown race against Jet Blue flight to long Beach.

Mark Blackwell: Ass transit…

Steve Stubbleyou: Watch for speed rumps, er, bumps.

Mark Milligan: Booty biker

Mark Blackwell: Stay clear of the center divider…


LP#10 – People are discouraged from standing on ramps to chart the freeway progress.

(Sorry, none of the captions made me laugh.)

 

LP#11 – Passengers on the $4 sold-out, 150-seat Jet Blue flights were greeted at the airport with balloons and a Carmageddon cake.

Mark Blackwell: Two moon junction…


LP#12 – Car alternatives abound.

Cheryl Bianchi: Put another Shrimp on the …vespa?

Steve Stubbleyou: Joni Mitchell in her blue phase: Help me, I think I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.


LP#13 – Nice day to stay at home and wash the car.

Mark Blackwell: Got lost on his way to the california grapes audition…

Amy Ronis: Fasten your seatbelts, It’s going to be a schlumpy ride!

Steve Stubbleyou: Unsafe in any Speedo.


LP#14 – All dressed up but no 405 to roll down…

Mark Blackwell: The Pillage People.


LP#15 – Many folks have come up with imaginative alternatives to driving a car….

Kimberly King-Burns – ‎”I thought you said banana split?”

Betsy McGowan: Day O Day O….daylight come and I wanna go home!

Mark Blackwell: Millie’s recovery in the institution has been slow, but as she herself always said, ‘time will tell’….

Timothy W. Ladd: Time will tell if Millie is a man.

 

LP#16 – Demolition is going smoothly, though news reports say there may be some damage to the road below from falling concrete.

Mark Blackwell:  “Okay guys, take it to the bridge…”

Jerrod Cardwell: Work stoppages due to intermittent bouts of “funkiness.”


LP#17 – I can’t believe I missed the last Jet Blue flight from Burbank to Long Beach.

Kimberly King-Burns: ‎”So I’m sitting here at El Toro and not a single Blue Angel blew me a kiss!”

Amy Ronis: Decca-dent!

 

LP#18 –  110 freeway downtown getting crowded as people head to the Coliseum for the LA Galaxy vs. Real Madrid soccer game.

Joseph Bacon: If they only had a Pink Cadillac they could have cruised down the Freeway of Love.


LP#19 – There’s lots of Carmageddon parties going on in LA tonight.

Mark Blackwell: Sweden’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose…

Danetta Cox Cordova: “Vee can move this old vilding and make just enough voom to park vis car, if only vee push harder. Come on voys, harder I say!”


LP#20 – While most Angelinos stayed out of their cars, David Hasselhoff stayed on his.

Richard Pedretti-Allen: He’s holding a C7 chord but that stance says B# and though I would classify Hasselhoff as A-diminished, I hope that car has A flat.

Mark Blackwell: Nicht Rocker….

Steve Stubbleyou: Faster than a speeding mullet…

Danetta Cox Cordova: Thought bubble of girl in car:  “I am so tired of the Hoff doing this at every red light.”


LP#21 – Drunk driver on the 101 right now. Police in pursuit.

Mark Blackwell: Better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.

Danette Cox Cordova: Riding a nose giant nose trimmer in outer space with elf shoes on. Add to bucket list.


LP#22 – People found lots of ways of getting around the 405 today.

Mark Blackwell: neck and neck…

Tamara Ragus: “O.K., now cough.”

Mike Gormley: Together Again.

Amy Ronis: Bjork’s 2012 Grammy awards dress.

Deb Walker Weaver: This is what happens when all the good men are taken.

Julia C.R. Gray: With your legs and my brains, the detours will be cake.

Mark Blackwell: Gee-iraffe your hair smells terrific…

 

LP#23 – Taxi drivers say the shutdown is bad for business and that they had to wait 2 hours at LAX before anyone needed a cab.

Mark Blackwell:  Life in the brass lane…surely makes you lose your mind…

Steve Stubbleyou:  Gilligan and MaryAnne pick up a few extra bucks in the off-season. (And by the way, don’t those tires look delicious?)


LP#24 – Even the truckstops were empty today.

Amy Ronis: Truckstop Barbie!


LP#25 – LA roads were deserted today. Which makes the car chase happening as we speak a whole different adventure.

Amy Ronis: Vagabond dreams of Edward Hopper…

Mark Blackwell: Buddy can you spare a dame…?

 

Once the car chase, which lasted over 3 hours began, there were no more TV reports re Carmageddon. To call it a non-event is an understatement. Which is actually good news as Angelinos heeded the call and it looks like we’ll all be back on the road soon.

LP#26 – Officials remind us “It’s legal to drink beer and fly, whereas the cyclists have to follow all the rules.”

Mark Blackwell: Brigitte Bar-not.

Laurie Smith: Nice motorthighcle!

Steve Stubbleyou: (to the tune of “The Letter”) Gimme a honey on a Harley/ Make her kinda nasty and gnarly/ Oh Brigitte Bardot/ Take it nice and slow/ My baby, she rode me in leather.


DAY 2

LP#27 – Department of Transportation says they’re ahead of schedule and all will be back to normal soon!

Steve Stubbleyou: ¿Donde estan los bumper cars, por favor?

Mark Blackwell: ‎5 drive 55

 

LP#28 – Carmageddon ending soon!! I knew I should’ve rented a truck to move the piano.

Laurie Smith: And 3 seconds later Donny’s solo career was over.

Amy Ronis: Donny plays piano…Marie plays conductor!


LP#29 – Carmageddon ending soon!! Hop into the truck, girls!

Kellie Cracker: Mormon truckers have all the fun!!

Mars Parham: Mormon Convoy!!

Sid Limitz: Show me the way to Petticoat Junction.

Amy Ronis: Sisterwives are doin’ it for themselves!

Mark Blackwell: Mormongeddon…

 

LP#30 – Carmageddon ending soon!! Let’s go to the beach!

Alison Hay: Carpooling down Benedict Canyon was proving to be a challenge.


LP#31 – Carmageddon ending soon!! Now we can get the organ back to the church!

Kellie Cracker: At least he still has his organ.

Mark Blackwell: armandlegageddon…

 

LP#32 – Carmageddon’s ending soon! Great, now I don’t have to ride the dog!

Mark Blackwell: Sounds better if you’ve got a big woofer.

Steve Stubbleyou: Go Greyhound … and leave the wifey to us.

Mark Blackwell: No barking zone

 

North side 0f the 405 reopens!

 

LP#33 – Get me to Mission Hills!

Amy Ronis: Pixar test drives its special effects team for “Up”

Mark Blackwell: Little Red Bore-vette…

Steve Stubbleyou: With balloons in my eye/And my hand on your thigh/ That’s amore…

 

LP#34 – Carmageddon’s almost over! Time to put the Double Double down and get back on the road.

Mark Blackwell: The truck stops here…

Amy Ronis: This big Bud’s for you!

Mark Blackwell: Bertha control…

 

LP#35 – It’s over!! Thank you, construction crews, for a speedy, non-Caramageddon weekend!

Amy Ronis: Hot-diggitty!

 

Carmageddonot actually only lasted 37 hours. Angelinos were model citizens and stayed home or in their neigborhoods. It felt like a holiday weekend, which is healthy for a city once in a while. And that means there are 17 slices of LP cheese leftover for when the other side of the freeway gets done in eleven months and the whole Carmageddonot starts all over again.  At least for now, the freeway is back to normal. I really do LOVE LA!

16Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Carmageddon Celebration On AWMOK Facebook Page Right Now!

16Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Carmageddon Celebration On AWMOK Facebook Page Right Now!

In a salute to Carmageddon, I’m posting one cheesy transportation-related LP Cover on Facebook for every hour the 405 freeway is shut down in LA this weekend.  This is the makings of an extraordinary cheese platter, served one morsel at a time, rivaled only by the Camembert created as local newscasters babble on as if LA is undergoing a lobotomy. If you’re on Facebook, drive directly to http://www.facebook.com/AWMoK or my profile page, http://www.facebook.com/alleewillis. All captions are welcome, the best of which will be used in my Kitsch O’ The Day blog on Monday, which will feature all 53 slices of LP cheese that honor the reopening of my least favorite freeway in LA, the 405.

A smattering of the covers featured so far:

 

Happy weekend!

13Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Hostess Cupcake Case and Aging Hostess Cupcakes

13Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Hostess Cupcake Case and Aging Hostess Cupcakes

Yesterday I went to serve some delicious Hostess Twinkies, a staple I always keep around here at Willis Wonderland, to a couple people I was having a meeting with. The subject of Twinkies came up and I thought I would impress them with the fact that I always kept a box of them around. I didn’t even panic when I saw none in the cupboard  because I saw two boxes of Twinkies’ sister, Hostess cupcakes, sitting there. But to my horror, when I opened the box and ripped a package open the cupcakes looked like they had emerged from an archaeological dig.

I find it most curious that the icing color ages just like human hair does, color draining out of it.

The cupcake itself still looks pretty normal but upon squishing it breaks up like an old piece of Styrofoam.

The cream inside has taken on an almost marshmallow Fluff texture, though you’d need a pick ax to scrape any of it out.

This one cupcake managed to retain its chocolatey color in the frosting but look what was growing on the cake:

It’s beyond me how only one out of 48 cupcakes could have attained this degree of mold and held it’s deep brown frosting color. Perhaps someone on the assembly line had a gripe and poked a little something extra into this one special little cake….

But at least I could pull out my trusty Hostess cupcake case to show my guests what a real one should look like.

This case was the size Hostess cupcakes were back when I first started eating them as a youth. Like many other things in the universe, the real thing has shrunken over time.

1950’s/60’s Hostess cupcakes would have never fit in this container, made in 2001. Not the case with the shrunken head ones I just pulled out of the cupboard.

I guess Hostess cupcakes are meant to be gobbled up the second they’re procured from the store. I always stock up on these things for parties and then have hundreds of them left over. Either we’ve had an even hotter summer in LA then my brain cells are capable of registering and these things just went bad, or I bought them a lot longer than a few months ago and they just got lost somewhere in back of my cupboard. Which is not surprising given its eternal disheveled state:

I hate throwing out food but the cupcakes have definitely passed their prime. At least my Hostess cupcake case will be with me forever.

 

11Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – My Saturday Drive/Food Fest With Charles Phoenix – Torrance and Inglewood, CA.

11Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – My Saturday Drive/Food Fest With Charles Phoenix – Torrance and Inglewood, CA.

.

As we are oft to do, Charles Phoenix and I took another one of our kitsch spins around LA and environs this past weekend. We were dressed smartly for the occassion, at least from the ankles down:

Our first stop was at Johnnies Pastrami on Sepulveda Blvd. in Culver City:

Johnnies hasn’t changed a lick since it was built in 1952. Counter, stools, booths, jukebox, etc. are all original.

This was confirmed by the man himself, Bob Bass, who built and still owns Johnnies, and who has eaten lunch at his regular table every day since.

I’ve always loved restaurants that park a loaded pickle bowl before you as soon as you sit down.

Charles and I pondered the menu.

But I always go for the same thing, the 1950’s-grilled-to-soda-shop-perfection cheeseburger:

The french fries snap when you sink your choppers into them.

The cole slaw, eternally shredded a tad long, drips with creamy sweetness.

Charles and I were perfectly positioned behind the pie rack.

And although we stared at the bulging slices throughout the meal…

…we had to save room as we always make a donut shop stop on our driving trips.

Circus donuts are good…

…but I much prefer Spudnuts. Which makes sense as judging from the drink station, I think lottery tickets may be bigger business for Circus than donuts.

Next we went deeper into Torrance and hit King’s Hawaiian Bakery on Sepulveda. King’s is not only spectacular for the entrance to the dining room…

… but because of what we go there to buy.

Here I am experiencing a moment of panic upon seeing empty shelves.

You would be too if you knew this was what was inside of the packages we were looking for.

Thankfully, we got the last six loafs of the Rainbow Butter Bread.

All day long we passed beautiful architecture:

I wish all Baskin Robbins still looked like this one on Crenshaw Blvd.:

Nothing great architecturally about this IHOP but it’s spectacular that a horse is used to sell pancakes.

Though I guess it makes as much sense as a bear selling wheel alignments:

There was much beautiful signage along the way.

Although not as dramatic as the previous photos, I always enjoy a sign that employs peculiar use of quote marks:

If “On The” are the two most important words you can spotlight about your burgers, I’m sticking to Johnnie’s. Also featuring two words is the name of this Thai joint:

What a great day! Dinner, thankfully, wasn’t until 10:30 pm.

 

Photo credits: Denny McLain and me.

08Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kellogg’s Cereal Microcamera & Shooting “Born In Detroit”

08Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kellogg’s Cereal Microcamera & Shooting “Born In Detroit”

I spent most of Wednesday afternoon being photographed and interviewed for “Born in Detroit,” a book by Jenny Risher “celebrating Detroit as a unique place that’s cultivated an extraordinary number of singularly influential people.”

To say that I’m elated about being included with the likes of Berry Gordy, Lily Tomlin, Iggy Pop, Eminem, Elmore Leonard, Jerry Bruckheimer, Al Kaline, Smokey Robinson, Holland-Dozier-Holland, Michael Moore and more is an understatement. But it was SO hot yesterday in LA – and my house, at least the room we were shooting in, is largely glass, not the space of choice for a 100+ day – it rendered the photo subject a perpetual waterfall.

The sweat isn’t so visible in that photo but the tuckeredoutness is. It was all I could do to suck on my Vernor’s, Detroit’s finest beverage, to stay cool.

After having almost every relic of my childhood, including photographs and Hi-8 footage, thrown out long ago by my father in a fit of bowing to my stepmother’s wishes to get rid of all the “junk”, in my later years I’ve been fanatic about taking photos. Especially since digital cameras have replaced the torture of buying endless rolls of film that can spoil in the sun, waiting weeks for the drugstore to deliver the oftentimes-blurry-yet-previously-undetectably-so shots, and then misplacing photos after they overtake drawers. This still doesn’t stop me from collecting vintage cameras though:

Nowhere near as elegant as the lipstick camera, my little Kellogg’s honey was a giveaway with a few cereal boxtops. Even cheaper if you had the discount card.

The microcamera is a diminutive 3″ x 1.5″ x 1″.

It’s still in the original box.

It takes 110 film….

….though none is inserted in my Kellogg’s.

I actually have some 110 film in my freezer as we speak because another one of my cameras uses it.

You ought to see that one from the front. It goes nicely with the Kellogg’s cam.

But in truth, neither the Velveeta nor the Kellogg’s take good photos. Which is just as well because as soon as the shoot was done I set my can of Vernors down and it tipped over on the Velveeta cam.

Which is better than if it spilled on the photographer’s autographed computer signed by most of the Detroiters she’d shot for the book.

“Born in Detroit” should be out sometime around Christmas.  Until then I can only hope for cooler weather in LA, more Vernors in the frig, and a safe sleep for my Made-in-Taiwan-by-way-of-Kalamazoo Kellogg’s microcam, another Michigan native.

 

06Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

06Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

Fill ‘Er Up with bull#!@t I say to that jury in the Casey Anthony trial coming up with a not guilty verdict!  They have to have chugged the same Kool-Aid as those defense lawyers, all too often a glutinous breed whose choice of which side of the justice line to stand on makes me ill to begin with. Clinging to the edges of the glass with theories they never even tried to prove and lucky enough to serve the brew to twelve people whose only excuse is that their Florida heat-soaked pea brains had no cells left to absorb any information coming from the prosecution.

Did you hear J. Cheney Mason’s arrogant and idiotic comments after the trial? It rivaled the jury’s lack of conscience. Even Casey Anthony can’t believe what she’s hearing:

I’ve been pretty glued to Nancy Grace/Jane Velez-Mitchell throughout this case and certainly remained so yesterday.

Jane turned the camera towards the courthouse doors, behind which the defense team were having a celebratory champagne toast. And then again at a bar across the street from the courthouse. I don’t see how anyone could have tried this case without being drunk or so high on something all of their senses and any shred of conscience was too numb to be fully functioning.

Even the name of the artist whose work graces this ashtray, though missing an ‘a’ between the ‘M’ and ‘c’, suggests the name of another murderous character.

I can only hope that Casey Anthony will walk the same torturous path that Macbeth did after he snuffed out a life. Perhaps the jurors will walk a path to Casey’s house for the parties she will inevitably throw, so skillful is she at paddling murky waters with her self-soaked criminal brain and flipper feet that left no tracks in the swamp.

How many more shocking things can come out of Florida? This is a state I once loved because of all the fantastic childhood trips I took to Miami Beach. But between the 2000 election, this trial, and all the other nonsensical stuff that’s poured out of it in the last decade, my guard is up.

I know it’s not everyone and every county there. But as long as Casey Anthony is hitting the shopping malls, tattoo parlors and party stores, I’ve had my Fill ‘Er Up of Fla. To you twelve jurors specifically, too lily-livered to speak to the media and tell us your reasoning, if you have kids I hope you’re treating them better than you treated Caylee. For now, just smoke your brains out and try to forget the decision you made. If you need an ashtray, this one’s for you.

05Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Getting To Kenosha and Beyond

05Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Getting To Kenosha and Beyond

LAX last Friday morning, with people leaving for 4th of July, was like D-Day at the stockyards. My whole morning had been like that. Snappy P and I were flying to Chicago to go to friends’ wedding in Kenosha, WI. We figured we’d beat the holiday traffic and take an early flight, but by 7am. the pigs were chomping full force at the trough. I’ve never traveled on prime getaway day for  a holiday before in my life and now I know why.

The ten trillion people at the airport weren’t the worst of the problem. I woke up with a headache and was nauseous when my alarm rang at 5 am. That’s usually right about when I finally fall asleep. The peanut butter sandwich Snappy P gave me once the car picked both of us up didn’t help. She’s a health nut and used almond butter and sprinkled unsalted peanuts on top.  I’m a junk nut and if it’s not Skippy, the blasphemy of a healthy brand makes me ill.

A blurry shot I know but trust me, it’s more appetizing that way. Equally unappetizing and all too familiar, most of my Apple devices were suffering serious ailments. I’m on my third iPhone. When the battery decides to enter old age the declne is fast. I have an older one for backup that can only be used when plugged in because on its own the life sucks out of it in about four minutes. My newer iPhone 4 is already showing signs of Dementia. All made worse because American Airlines has evidently not heard that most people have mobile devices these days. There were only four plugs in a seating area that was a half a block long, and those had been permanently plugged up. I watched at least ten people screw up their electrical cords trying to jam them in the sockets. There was thankfully one Samsung charging station per gate. But that means six outlets for hundreds of people. I had to wander six gates down to find a plug and then the seating wasn’t optimum:

Once plugged in, I got an email from the bride-to-be that said there had been a windstorm in Kenosha the night before and most of the town’s power was still gone. So there was no way I could leave my “seat” as my phones, computer, and two ipads needed to be as charged as much as possible for the weather conditions we were about to enter. However, leave the terrazzo I was forced to do because there were constant gate changes. By the time the airline settled on gate 45, where we had originally started, it added an hour onto the departure time. Although I wasn’t to arrive there for another five hours, here’s what conditions were like all over Kenosha:

Once on American flight 1196, the 200+ passengers went even more nuts because the overhead compartments were the size of hatboxes. So unless you were only traveling with your Burger King bag, even more time was sucked up by everyone’s carry-ons having to be checked. And when’s the last time you were on a plane with no air vents?!

Under the best of conditions I’d still like air conditioning chips installed in my body, so the lack of those little nozzles that spray other people’s germs on you was very disquieting. Not to mention that this was my view for 3 1/2 hours:

You know what? If your head’s in this condition and your ass isn’t in a leather seat on your own private Lear jet, please have some consideration for the person 17 inches behind you and wear a hat! And I don’t want to see your hairy legs either. With all the rules the airlines are making these days can’t they add mandatory long pants t0 the list??

We finally landed in Chicago, jumped into our rental car and hit the freeway, or should I say parking lot.

Thankfully, I had just downloaded AT&T Navigator on my iPhone, which I’m happy to report is a lot more reliable than their cell service. I can’t say I’ve ever been happy with the iPhone’s map app so it was a real relief to have that talking lady lead us to Kenosha on surface roads. It was going to take a little longer but I figured we’d spot all kinds of vintage motels and diners and taking photographs of all that is my favorite thing to do. But I’m sad to report that everything has been mowed down or renovated so it looks like anywhere-just-outside-any-city, USA. The only exciting thing was that we passed the headquarters of Uline, an office supply place I’ve been ordering stuff from for at least 15 years because anything you get arrives bright and early the next day even if you don’t order it until 5 PM. I’ve often fantasized about the location of this fantastically efficient company and was sure they had to have warehouses in LA for such fast delivery. So although there’s no vintage blinking signs or architecture to write home about, at least Uline popped up in the endless miles of asphalt and tall grass.

Just as we hit the Kenosha line there was one incredible vintage architectural relic:

That’s the old drive-in theater that we were supposed to see a movie at that night but the windstorm had taken the screen out so our one shot at vintage immersion was not to be.  Signs of the windstorm were everywhere.

Nothing could destroy the mighty pillars of the one “big” hotel in Kenosha, however, The Best Western. Here’s the grand entrance:

At least it overlooked a lake.

Which is good because I wouldn’t want to have had to swim in the hotel’s pool or should I say…:

So we bypassed the poo and hit the elevator to drop everything off in the room. Snappy’s food dropped somewhere else:

No salad to munch on, we  got dressed and headed over to Villa Di Carlos across the street where a pizza dinner for the out-of-town wedding guests was being held. Even just walking from the hotel to the restaurant produced about 25 pounds of sweat so it was a relief to walk into not just air conditioning but a cheese haven of 4th of July wonderment:

I’m not sure how the Easter chick made it in but he did:

Unfortunately we were directed to an empty room downstairs where one vent spit out a sputtering stream of air if you happened to be sitting directly in front of it, which we weren’t. It was then I remembered why I left the Midwest behind so many years ago and moved to Los Angeles, where 99% of the time there’s no humidity and everything is air-conditioned anyway. Unless I wanted to be a maniac all weekend I just gave in and decided that I was going to be fine feeling like a baby’s diaper the whole weekend as most likely everyone else did too. Besides, the wedding couple, Natalie Lent and Chris Bruss, both friends from LA, were fabulous and we were there to support them and not my vintage architecture and kitsch sightings habit.

The next morning we woke up and hit Frank’s Diner, a 1928 railroad car style diner, featured on Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

If  I thought I produced sweat the day before, it was nothing compared to the downpour that occurred inside the sweat lodge known as Frank’s.

The place itself was fabulous, the food was good but not A+ phenomenal, and the service made waiting for the flight at LAX the day before seem like the bullet train. The place is long and narrow and the line continues throughout the entire diner,…

…nowhere near a match for the two ceiling fans over the counter and vents on the floor near the booths.

The last time I looked, vents in walls or ceilings produced far better effects. But I suppose that people who only go to diners because they’re featured on television think that part of the experience is dripping into your food. It took almost an hour to get a turkey club and a tall stack. Pancakes were good and thick and the turkey club was juicy but filled with processed gobbler. I should’ve gotten the specialty of the house, the “garbage” egg concoctions:

And the next morning at Mike’s Burgers I should’ve gotten the fries:

And I guess I should’ve dressed more festively. It’s not often I’m outdone.

I can’t say Kenosha was my favorite destination point. We had a great time at the wedding and the hotel, although not opulent and featuring a poo, at least wasn’t crawling with what this house a couple blocks away was:

Yesterday morning, Snappy and I said goodbye to the bride…

We took the non-descript surface road ride back to O’Hare and I found plugs for some of my mobile devices.

We were in the air when the fireworks started so missed that but I have to say that flying on a holiday gives you a very empty airport and on-time flights, i.e. painless travel. And this time it got us LA.