How-To--Dominican-BlowoutDoobieAs most of you know by now, I’m one of the few songwriters who loves when their songs are used or performed inappropriately as it turns the songs into masterpieces of Kitsch. I never set out to write Kitsch as I love music too much but if I leave it in the hands of all the people who love to see themselves on YouTube I’m rarely disappointed.

As opposed to a performance, this is someone who’s chosen to verrrry sloooowwwwly show us how to achieve a Dominican hairdo using two Earth Wind & Fire songs as background music, “After The Love Is Gone” and “Boogie Wonderland”, the latter of which I co-wrote and the significance of neither in regards to the the subject matter make any sense.

With pixelated effects that happen in the first few seconds of the video and never occur again in the 9 minutes and 13 torturous seconds it takes to get the damn rollers out and hair wrapped, this is a directorial masterpiece in the filmic language of Kitsch. Among other highlights is that absolutely nothing happens in rhythm to the music, the “wind machine” only functions in one “scene” and the label on a jar of product appears backwards so you can’t possibly see what it is even if you wanted to achieve this look. Also excellent is the fact that ‘doobie’ doesn’t mean what we think it does and is apparently some kind of barrette or bobby pin.

I got excited when it was apparent that the final hairdo was going to look like a Fez. At this point, over 7 minutes in, “Boogie Wonderland” is in full throttle instrumental. That hair should have been whipping around to the strings and horns, combs and doobies flying. But alas, the Fez just gets pulled tighter and tighter, smoother and smoother, totally defying the intention of the music. And why would something be called ‘blowout’ that’s actually deflated and increases in value the flatter it gets?

Even I had trouble making it through to the final strand but from a Kitsch perspective this is a Top 10 hit!

volcano-cake1

Yes, my birthday’s today and that means it’s time for me to make another one of my signature spewing fire and lava volcano birthday cakes! Ranging from a foot to 4′ wide and anywhere up to 25 pounds and 2 1/2′ tall, these overdosing towers of sweetness have accompanied me rounding the bend to another year ever since I first saw a commercial for The Special Effects Cookbook in 1992.

The real recipe calls for a nicely constructed “lifelike” looking volcano, but I’m an artist and into Kitsch so it should be no surprise that my cakes are hulking, unrecognizable lifeforms wayyyyy out of the realm of what the cookbook author had in mind.

Made of up to 10 layers of anything I want – vanilla, chocolate and cherry cake, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, Rice Krispy treats and any other foodstuffs appropriate for celebration – my creations are massive lumps of sugary heaven surrounded by Jell-O or whipped cream and accented with Snickers, mini marshmallows, sprinkles, multicolored frosting and flaming sugar cubes-soaked-in-almond-extract torches, all of which form a cave around spewing lava made from eggs, water and dry ice.

This may seem gross but let me tell you that in the 17 years of cooking/sculpting/drilling these things, even the most Vegan amongst us dives into this junk food fantasy like they’re in the hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. No utensils necessary, everyone goes fist first as the cakes are big enough that guests can easily locate a germ-free area in which to do their excavation.

Here’s my Birthday ’94 Volcano before it blew:

Volcano-cake2

And here’s the first Volcano cake I ever made in 1993:

volcano-cake5 volcano-cake6

See it erupting!:

volcano-cake-movieYou

Here’s me making a second 1993 lava spewing dragon cake in case my first volcano was too small to feed all my guests. A drill is one of my most necessary kitchen utensils.

volcano-cake7

Here’s my Volcano Birthday cake, 1997. Rather than stack four cakes on top of each other and risk an avalanche, or whatever it would be called if a volcano tipped over, I erected a mountain range.

volcano-cake4

Top view:

volcano-cake3
No Volcano cake this year but a most happy birthday to me!!

black-power-statuette_5043

A black power statuette raising his fist in pride but when you pull him outta the box he’s a white man…! This is one of the greatest examples of Soul Kitsch in my collection. So perfect a product in the late 60’s for a market that had long been under-served in terms of ubiquitous pop culture memorabilia. But like The Supremes White Bread and Touch O’ Soul “Off-Black” pantyhose featured earlier in this blog, and boasting on the box that it’s a “Equality- Justice statuette”, couldn’t the product manager have spent a few more minutes thinking about his target audience and poured a little tan tint into the resin before locking down the molds?

Made of “sturdy plastic with base tab” (whatever a base tab is), The Black Power Statuette was manufactured by Zap-Co of Roseville, Michigan.

black-power-statuette_4012 black-power-statuette_4014 black-power-statuette_5037 black-power-statuette_5041

toilet-paper-wedding-gown-winner

Though it doesn’t seem like quite the appropriate material for a dress commemorating a lasting holy union there’s no disputing the price is right! Made entirely of toilet paper, tape and glue, I think these gowns are fabulous and the concept of buying the makings of your wedding dress at Costco is brilliant. I mean it. I’ve never understood anyone blowing the entire wad on a dress they’ll wear once, flowers and chopped liver swans and then living in squalor with only a photo album and four fondue pots to remind them of the one day that life was so entirely good. I’d so much rather spring for a few hundred rolls of toilet paper, which probably leaves much to spare after the gown is glued, then end up using toilet paper for napkins the rest of my life because all the coin went into the dress that you’re probably already too fat to fit back into.
This brilliant Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest is sponsored every year by cheap-chic-weddings.com of Boca Raton, Fl. Although the 2009 first-place winner was Ann Kagawa Lee of Honolulu, Hawaii, pictured above, my favorite is second place winner, Terri Glover of Marlin, Texas, because of all the little toilet paper points sticking out that probably rippled in the breeze as she walked down the aisle.

Though it doesn’t seem like quite the appropriate material for a dress commemorating a lasting holy union there’s no disputing the price is right! Made entirely of toilet paper, tape and glue, I think these gowns are fabulous and the concept of buying the makings of your wedding dress at Costco is brilliant. I mean it. I’ve never understood anyone blowing the entire wad on a dress they’ll wear once, along with flowers and a chopped liver swan and then living in squalor with only a photo album and four fondue pots to remind them of the one day that life was so entirely good. I’d so much rather spring for a few hundred rolls of toilet paper, which probably leaves much to spare after the gown is glued, then end up using toilet paper for napkins the rest of my life because all the coin went into the dress that you’re probably already too fat to fit back into.

This brilliant Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest is sponsored every year by cheap-chic-weddings.com of Boca Raton, Fl. Although the 2009 first-place winner was Ann Kagawa Lee of Honolulu, Hawaii, pictured above, my favorite is second place winner, Terri Glover of Marlin, Texas, because of all the little toilet paper points sticking out that probably rippled in the breeze as she walked down the aisle.

toilet-wedding-dress-terrri-fnt

I especially love Terri’s strap marks on her back. It’s so nice to see someone who knows they have a very special outfit to wear who grooms their body accordingly for the occasion.

toilet-wedding-dress-terrri-bk

Here’s a video showing this years’ entries:

toilet-paper-wedding-gown-vid

Although I think Cheap Chic Weddings has provided the Kitsch fashion statement of the year I also really, seriously, definitively think that their concept of toilet paper wedding gowns are an all round brilliant idea.

beatnik-statue_4994

I collect anything Beatnik, especially when the colloquialisms of the day accompany it. “Like, man, lend me your ear” was in heavy rotation circa 1956, printed on bed sheets, stationery, statues and any other kind of collectibles that could be pushed on the burgeoning newly liberated teen and young adult crowd.

I collect anything Beatnik, especially when the colloquialisms of the day accompany it. “Like, man, lend me your ear” was in heavy rotation circa 1956, printed on bed sheets, stationery, statues and any other kind of collectibles that could be pushed on the burgeoning newly liberated teen and young adult crowd.
This guy has a “real” mustache and goatee, the kind of furry, feathery stuff they stuck on cats and other ceramic animals in the ’50s and ’60s. But what’s all those black whiskers on his nose?! 
Also not sure why the ceramicist portrayed him as an old bald man as the Beat generation represented all that was rebellious about youth. But this incongruity kicks it up a notch on the Kitsch scale so I’m not complaining. 

This guy has a “real” mustache and goatee, the kind of furry, feathery stuff they stuck on cats and other ceramic animals in the ’50s and ’60s. But what’s all those black whiskers on his nose?! 

Also not sure why the ceramicist portrayed him as an old bald man as the Beat generation represented all that was rebellious about youth. But this incongruity kicks it up a notch on the Kitsch scale so I’m not complaining.

beatnik-statue_3910 beatnik-statue_4997 beatnik-statue_4995 beatnik-statue_3912

awmokEWF-Part-1

It was the 21st night of September, the opening line of my very first hit song as well as the date of the grand opening party celebrating the launch of awmok.com, my mini social network and ongoing museum exhibit of all things Kitsch. I am SO NOT the songwriter type to get up at a party and perform but this was the night that tradition broke. As it was a special night in my musical history as well as a night to celebrate kitsch I decided to let anyone who wanted to sing sing bad karaoke versions of September.I also brought a bunch of cheap, thrift shop instruments with me – a knockoff Beatles Apollo bass with three strings, a 1981 Casio keyboard with 2 1/2 octaves and a missing middle C. key – just in case any of the famous musicians in attendance might want to play along my style.
As any of you familiar with me know, I’m a massive fan of smooshing together very high and very low elements of art that most people would create, perform or perpetuate in very different spaces and times. I live for moments where the incredible thinking, technology and execution at the top collide with the passion and dedication (and not necessarily talent) at the bottom. 
Moments like these have allowed me to see some of my Greatest Hits performed by the best and the worst at once. Like when my discoveries, the Del Rubio Triplets, octogenarian identical triplets in miniskirts and go-go boots and of questionable musical prowess, performed “Neutron Dance” with The Pointer Sisters the very week the record was in the Top 10. I’m elated to report that the 21st night of September a couple of weeks ago was an opportunity for another such performance. 
In walks Larry Dunn, original Earth Wind & Fire keyboard player extraordinaire who played on every single significant EWF hit, and Verdine White, cofounding member who’s still in EWF, greatest bass player who ever lived and the man who discovered me and brought me to the group back in 1978. And there’s Luenell, hysterical off-color comedienne who is literally the number one Earth Wind & Fire fan in the world. She carries their Greatest Hits CD with her wherever she goes and watches aEWF Collection DVD every day, swear to God. She’s been in love with Larry Dunn since she first caught sight of his perfectly carved Afro in the early 1970s. 
Here are three 6 minute videos documenting one of the best times I’ve ever had in my life at a party. Part 1 is a set up, where Luenell meets her idols NI announced that anyone who has the balls to sing September with Earth Wind & Fire in the house is welcome to him. Part two is September and part 3 is Boogie Wonderland. I have video cameras going almost every minute of the day. It’s moments like they that would never translate unless you were there to see it that make me thankful I spend every dime I earn on tape, cameras and people to point them.
Last thing I’ll say here is to make sure and go to AWMoK.com, the reason everyone was here to celebrate and where so many people have gone to keep the party going

It was the 21st night of September, the opening line of my very first hit song as well as the date of the grand opening party at LA’s Ghettogloss celebrating the launch of AWMoK.com, The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch, my mini social network and ongoing exhibit of all things Kitsch. I am SO NOT the type to get up at a party and perform my own songs but this was the night that tradition broke.

As it was a special night in my musical history being “the 21st night of September” as well as a night to celebrate Kitsch with a kapitol K, I decided to let anyone who wanted to sing do bad karaoke versions of “September”. I also brought a bunch of rickety, thrift-shop-bought instruments with me – a knockoff Beatles Apollo bass with three strings, a 1981 Casio keyboard with 2 1/2 octaves and a missing middle C. key – just in case any of the famous musicians in attendance might want to play along, my style.

As any of you familiar with me know, I’m a massive fan of smooshing together very high and very low elements of art that most people would create, perform or perpetuate in very different spaces and times. But I live for those moments where the incredible thinking, technology and execution at the top collide with the passion, dedication and mixed results talent at the bottom. 

Moments like these have allowed me to see some of my Greatest Hits performed by the best and the worst at once. Like when my discoveries, The Del Rubio Triplets, octogenarian identical triplets in miniskirts and go-go boots and of questionable musical prowess, performed “Neutron Dance” with The Pointer Sisters the very week the record entered the Top 10. I’m elated to report that the 21st night of September a couple of weeks ago was an opportunity for another such hi/lo performance. 

In walks Larry Dunn, original Earth Wind & Fire keyboard player extraordinaire who played on every significant EWF hit, and Verdine White, cofounding member who’s still in EWF, greatest bass player who ever lived and the man who discovered me and brought me to the group back in 1978. And there’s Luenell, hysterical off-color comedienne who is literally the #1 Earth Wind & Fire fan in the world. She carries their Greatest Hits CD with her wherever she goes and watches the EWF Collection DVD every day, swear to God. She’s been in love with Larry Dunn since she first caught sight of his perfectly carved Afro in the early 1970s. 

Here are three 6 minute videos documenting one of the best times I’ve ever had in my life at a party. Part 1 is the set up, where Luenell meets her idols and I announced that anyone who has the balls to sing “September” with Earth Wind & Fire in the house is welcome to do so. Part 2 is us doing “September” and Part 3 is “Boogie Wonderland”.

I have video cameras going almost every minute of the day. It’s moments like these that would never translate unless you were there to see them that make me thankful I spend every dime I earn on tape, cameras and people to point them.

Last thing I’ll say here is to make sure and go to AWMoK.com, the reason everyone came to celebrate and where so many people have gone to keep the party going ever since.


Part 1 – Getting ready to sing:

awmokEWF-Part-1

Part 2 – “September”:

awmokEWF Part-2

Part 3 – “Boogie Wonderland”:

awmokEWF Part-3

Libby

Popular causes have always been prime breeding ground for Kitsch but none so powerful as the first wave of products that spin out of these Pop Culture phenomenon. Both Libby The Lovely Liberated Lady and the Do-It-Yourself Coloring Kit Black Power Statuette are two such statements from burgeoning Civil Rights movements in the 1960s and ’70s when these folks were expressing themselves freely among the masses for the first time.

Unintentionally Kitsch, the best kind, these qualify as Kitsch treasures for two different reasons. Libby because she took on THE characteristic of the oppressor she was attempting to free herself from and the Black Power Statuette because whoever his product manager was was too cheap to spend the extra pennies to add a little tan color to the resin. Power to the Kitsch people!

black-power-statuette

aw-is-kitsch

I had always thought that the day before the Grand opening of the virtual Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch I would have one of the most spectacular pieces of kKitsch in my collection to feature on Kitsch O’ The Day. But I’m going completely insane on massive overload trying to get the online interface/mini social network at awmok.com scotch-taped together enough to open tomorrow – sometime between noon and 5 PM West Coast time – not to mention building physical displays, handmaking souvenirs and getting auction items ready for the first of two grand opening parties tomorrow night at Ghettogloss on Melrose. 
I have no hands left, my brain has been reduced to the size of a pea and the thought of photographing one more piece of my Kitsch and writing a description is enough to throw me into a deep coma after mounting an exhibition of every object featured in Kitsch O’ The Day since I began the blog in early March, building customized bubble display cases for everything, tweaking the descriptions, filling four foot wide bowls almost big enough to take baths in with junk food, and doing the 175 other things on my list for what I’m sure will be another 20 hour day of tweaks. So no Beatles sneakers, bedazzled Snuggies or motorized go-go boots that move on their own to “These Boots Were Made For Walking” today and, instead, an amazing 4′ x 4′ three-dimensional-made-from-all-my-junk “Allee Is Kitsch” portrait of me done by my very talented friend, Jason Mecier. The portrait is featured at the opening parties along with the other 150 aforementioned Kitschifyingly spectacular objects.
If you haven’t seen the trailer yet or don’t know much about The Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch please proceed to awmok.com. Otherwise, see ya tomorrow!
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/destinations/2009-09-10-kitsch-museum_N.htm
http://www.examiner.com/x-8310-Trendy-Living-Examiner~y2009m9d7-Allee-Willis-Museum-of-Kitsch-opening
http://flavorpill.com/losangeles/events/2009/9/14/allee-willis-museum-of-kitsch
http://eccentricroadside.blogspot.com/2009/09/whole-kitsch-and-caboodle-allee-willis.html
http://bitchmagazine.org/post/bitch-popaganda-superwomen-or-lack-thereof-edition

I had always thought that the day before the Grand opening of the virtual Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch I would have one of the most spectacular pieces of Kitsch in my collection to feature on Kitsch O’ The Day. But I’m going completely insane on massive overload trying to get the online interface/mini social network at awmok.com scotch-taped together enough to open tomorrow – sometime between noon and 5 PM West Coast time – not to mention building physical displays, handmaking souvenirs and getting auction items ready for the first of two grand opening parties tomorrow night at Ghettogloss on Melrose. 

I have no hands left, my brain has been reduced to the size of a pea and the thought of photographing one more piece of my Kitsch and writing a description is enough to throw me into a deep coma after mounting an exhibition of every object featured in Kitsch O’ The Day since I began the blog in early March, building customized bubble display cases for everything, tweaking the descriptions, filling four foot wide bowls almost big enough to take baths in with junk food, and doing the 175 other things on my list for what I’m sure will be another 20 hour day of tweaks. So no Beatles sneakers, bedazzled Snuggies or motorized go-go boots that move on their own to “These Boots Were Made For Walking” today and, instead, an amazing 4′ x 4′ three-dimensional-made-from-all-my-junk “Allee Is Kitsch” portrait of me done by my very talented friend, Jason Mecier. The portrait is featured at the opening parties along with the other 150 aforementioned Kitschifyingly spectacular objects.

If you haven’t seen the trailer yet or don’t know much about The Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch please proceed to awmok.com. Otherwise, see ya there tomorrow!

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/destinations/2009-09-10-kitsch-museum_N.htm

http://www.examiner.com/x-8310-Trendy-Living-Examiner~y2009m9d7-Allee-Willis-Museum-of-Kitsch-opening

http://flavorpill.com/losangeles/events/2009/9/14/allee-willis-museum-of-kitsch

http://eccentricroadside.blogspot.com/2009/09/whole-kitsch-and-caboodle-allee-willis.html

http://bitchmagazine.org/post/bitch-popaganda-superwomen-or-lack-thereof-edition

Artist-beard-mustache_9737

I can’t imagine that many people working at Bayshore Industries, the company responsible for this follilicular fun for the face, knew many actual artists to pattern their work after. Not only is it a mix of stereotypical arty types – 1950’s bearded beatnik above the neck and 1960’s flower power below – it appears the designers had little regard for what artists have to say as they forgot to leave a hole for the mouth.

Artist-beard-mustache_9732 Artist-beard-mustache_9729

PW-vid-play-foto

Here’s how I spend my spare time, making this highly sophisticated -NOT- animation with Prudence Fenton, of Pee Wee’s Playhouse and Peter Gabriel videos fame. After being a private joke for 15 years, we’ve finally committed (in all senses of the word) the Pigmy to film. If anybody deserves a place on the mantle of Kitsch Klassicism, it’s Pigmy Will. 

We’ll be churning out two to four of these weekly, all under 30 seconds, as fast as our minds can de-numb and fingers can move. 

Today’s offerings include “Pie Day”, “The Counter”, “The Boat Ride” and “Take 20”. At the end of each masterpiece you can click through to the next one. So just click here or on one of the videos below to get started.

Follow pigmywill on Twitter! And join his fan page on Facebook if you’re there too. 

See all 4 Pigmy Wills (by the time you read this there may be more):

“Pie Day”

PW-pie-day-YT

“The Counter”

PW-counter-YT

“The Boat Ride”

PW-Boat-YT

“Take 20”

PW-20-YT

Deet deet deet deet!!

Anywhere from 2-4 of these coming out weekly, all under 30 seconds, as fast as our minds can de-numb and fingers can move. Today’s offerings include “Pie Day”, “The Counter”, “The Boat Ride” and “Take 20”. At the end of each masteriece you can click through to the next one. So just click here to get started.
See all 4 Pigmy Wills:
“Pie Day” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRS7D6mSoHs
“The Counter” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFKQ3iCcS3Q
“The Boat Ride” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psJQPtbY1h4
“Take 20” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buNtwIwlcE0