Allee Willis Blog

16Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Giant Vintage Hanging Foam Sex Dice

16Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Giant Vintage Hanging Foam Sex Dice

Not the normal pair that dangle from the rear view mirror, these 6″ soft dice feature sexual maneuvers on one game piece and the body parts to which they are to be applied on the other. The dice look nice and clean but seeing as they came from a thriftshop I’d suggest surgical gloves before tossing them and letting fate decide your next move. Which could be any of the following…

As the dice were made by Spenser Gifts, the pedestrian ‘kiss lips’ is to be expected.

Here’s to something swingin’ swingin’ above your dash or wherever you wish to place them (and thus have something placed upon you).

14Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Glowing Lovers Valentines Day Lamp

14Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Glowing Lovers Valentines Day Lamp

This 1980’s plaster salute to love was a hot ticket item in Mexican swap meets in Southern California throughout the 80’s and 90’s. Although back then they were too cheesy for my just-out-of-the-gate budding love of kitsch which, although quite robust, still hadn’t crossed the line to full blown Camembert such as the love interpreted here. Thank God, I had the presence of mind to buy these Siamese lovers as lamps, plain sculptures, towels and any other material their love could be possibly be moulded or stamped upon.

The lamp lovers are very fit.

They look much more romantic backlit.

Her hair sweeps back and his sweeps forward, representing the push/pull magnetism of the universe.

With the lights on, the lovers look a little dusty in the chest area. This is why I hate this kind of matte finish on ceramics; all the imperfections show. Like in real life, leaving the lights on despite the fact you spent all day at a flea market and haven’t had a chance to shower yet.

Most of all, I love that my cat Niblet loves spending time with the lamp lovers.

May anyone reading this be glowing all day today. And remember, the real glow comes from within, so mate or no mate, I hope you wish yourself a very very VERY happy Valentines Day today!

06Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – There’s More Cheese On Super Bowl Sunday Than What’s On The Pizza

06Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – There’s More Cheese On Super Bowl Sunday Than What’s On The Pizza

In the lexicon of kitsch, ‘cheese’ and ‘cheesy’ are words often used to describe objects that grace the highest echelon of kitsch itself. As if there wasn’t enough cheese to go around on Super Bowl Sunday between the dedicated–to–the-point–of-Camembert headgear and face paint that loyal fans wear to the game, the obscene price of tickets, the even more obscene money dumped into commercials, the melted cheese on the pizza and hot dogs… it’s a veritable wheel of Brie when throngs gather around the TV screen or freeze in the stadium to watch people ram into each other insuring that life after 50 will be spent in the maximum amount of pain possible.

Although I happen to own the pert little 1950’s looseleaf pictured above, that purchase had much more to do with celebrating teenage years in an innocent age than celebrating February’s favorite sport. So I thought I’d take a tour of eBay today and see what football kitsch was available to anyone in a shopping mood who might want to sprinkle a little more cheese on their Super Bowl Sundae. Here are my Top 20 Cheddar picks:

Without question, this simple, homemade and very brown tribute to football lamp ranks high:

Although if I had my choice of only one thing it might be this stuffed Houston Oilers cheerleader:

I wonder if her sport skills include this?

I think the designer of this tee-shirt, listed on Ebay as “vtg-80s-RaBBiT-FooTBALL-BoW-BuNNY-CuTE-SWEATSHIRT-S_M” might definitely have such a skill:

I doubt that’s what Mickey had in mind though…

…or this dork who I never want to see in a football jersey or anything else again:

Same with this guy:

Garfield-Plush-Vintage-1978-1981-Football-Player

When it comes to plush, I’ll stick to balls.

The one on top of this 1970’s Avon bottle isn’t bad:

I never thought of a football as ergonomically shaped, so this phone can’t be too comfortable to hold in your hand:

Whoever hand-beaded this tiny little football charm was very comfortable with a glue gun in their hand:

I wish it had been a football phone or glue gun that were in this juiced up football player’s hand instead of what we all know was in it in 1994:

How completely ugly is this Treasured Times football frame?

And how completely inappropriate is a football in the hands of this little 1961 porcelain Christmas angel?

VINTAGE-FOOTBALL-ANGEL,-SUPERBOWL-GIFT,-PORCELAIN,-1961

And how completely dumb is it to permanently mount a glass on top of a football helmet, albeit a miniature one?

How completely ugly, inappropriate and dumb are fanny packs under any circumstance, any time and any place?

But how completely perfect is this football positioned as a towering head in order to sell this vintage protective device?

Also at the head is the football on this 1950s Dazey butter churner:

While you’re churning your butter perhaps you’d like some beer.

But don’t drink too much or you may end up with hips like this player:

Throw a little whiskey into the brew and it could be an early Valentine’s Day:

May you be enjoying all the cheese possible this Superbowl Sunday!

29Nov 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ambush Spray Cologne

29Nov 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ambush Spray Cologne

More than anything, the one thing that accompanied me every single day of my four college years at the University of Wisconsin in the late 1960’s was a spritz of Ambush Spray Cologne. I should have bought stock in Dana, the company that made it, for as many bottles of it as I went through. The male equivalent was called Canoe. Sometimes girls wore that too but I was so attached to the scent and the shade of pink and hard rubbery shape and feel of the bottle I never made it past Ambush.

Here’s what I looked like when I first started wearing it at the tail end of high school:

For as laquered as my hair was it might appear that I may have coated that with Ambush too, but that was all about Aquanet. My Aquanet hairspray kept my hair helmet so firm I never had to worry about it getting crushed when the amount of Ambush I sprayed on myself put me in many situations like this back in college:

Thank you, Ambush, for making me smell good then and for that astounding pink bottle still lighting up my eyes today.

18Nov 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Stupid 1960’s ‘Once A King/Once A Knight’ Wood Plaque

18Nov 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Stupid 1960’s ‘Once A King/Once A Knight’ Wood Plaque

This is a very sloppy version of the kind of ‘sexy’ joke signs that became popular around the early 1960s and hung in many a wood paneled rec room somewhere in the vicinity of a ping-pong table and beer keg. I especially love this one because the Knight looks more like a Harlequin getting ready to play hockey.

I also love how completely off center all the text is:

The two ‘King’s line up but ‘Always’ juts way out to the left. A decent art director would have centered these two lines. The same goes for “Once a Knight’ and ‘is enough’. But off-center and Knights that look like Wayne Gretzky is exactly what this kitsch lover looks for in a sign. The two eyeballs on the back don’t hurt it either.

04Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Gertrude Stein/ Alice B. Toklas Mug and Stephanie Miller’s Coming Out Party

04Oct 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Gertrude Stein/ Alice B. Toklas Mug and Stephanie Miller’s Coming Out Party

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I don’t usually like mugs with serious faces on them but “The Gertrude Stein” mug made by Fitz & Floyd in 1976 is a rare one featuring legendary and first-outta-the-gate lesbian life partners, Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas. Gertrude actually looks like Gertrude while Alice looks like a mushroom person, the kind of poisonously sweet little gnome-like being that ceramicists were somehow infatuated with in the late 1960’s and 70s.

Stein, an American writer living in Paris in the first half of the 20th Century, was ultimately known most for her “a rose is a rose is a rose” saying and for coining the term “Lost Generation”, while Toklas is revered for a brownie recipe with a little something extra she published. They were also known as spectacular party throwers for the salons they hosted that attracted the “mugs” of great artists and thinkers of the day, including regulars Ernest Hemingway, Thornton Wilder, Picasso and Matisse.

As gay women who are out and throwing parties go, #1 progressive morning radio show host and Larry King regular, Stephanie Miller, threw a spectacular one Saturday night. After years of being an outspoken supporter of gay rights, especially as regards the repeal of Caifornia’s Prop 8 ban on same-sex marriage, Stephanie announced her gaiety on her radio show last month and then threw this combo Birthday/Coming Out bash to celebrate.

Stephanie’s “mug” looks an awful lot like this 1964 Republican Vice Presidential candidate’s. That would be because William E. Miller was her father.

Stephanie being a staunch liberal Democrat, their “mugs” are as far as the resemblance goes. My “mug” doesn’t look anything like Mr. Miller’s but it would have been stupid to have been this close to his in his daughter’s house and not popped off a shot.

There were a lot of fantastic “mugs” at the party, the kind that sit on top of your neck and smile as opposed to ceramic ones like Gertrude that you sip something out of. Here I am with three excellent ones, Jane Wagner, Rep. Maxine Waters and Lily Tomlin.

My compadre, Julie Brown, was also there…

…along with Prudence Fenton…

…and this “mug” who I was very excited to meet, George Schlatter. His show, “Laugh In” changed my life, not to mention introduced the world to Lily Tomlin.

I die for Rep. Maxine Waters. She speaks her mind and is right on target. I’ve always loved her for her mojo and spirit. She has an amazing personality for a politician.

I only saw the “mug” of attorney Gloria Allred from afar.

Although Stpehanie’s “mug” appears out her cake, it’s her starts-with-j-and-rhymes-with-mugs that are used to best advantage on it.

A big blow-out Happy Birthday & Coming Out to Stephanie Miller!!

26Aug 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Vintage “Sexometer” and Dinner with Michael Patrick King

26Aug 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Vintage “Sexometer” and Dinner with Michael Patrick King

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A few nights ago I had dinner at Street with Michael Patrick King.

Sex and sex appeal are topics on which Michael is an expert given that he writes about them a lot as writer and director of Sex and the City.

We’re great friends and hadn’t seen each other since the second movie came out so there was much to talk about let alone eat. We were joined by the lovely Prudence Fenton and had our usual stuffed-within-an-inch-of-our-lives feast that one naturally expects at Street.

All of which makes our bellies very happy but doesn’t necessarily leave anyone feeling very sexy.

We started with Millet Balls, Street’s version of bread:

That was followed by Lamb Kafta Meatballs over warm Syrian cheese wrapped in grape leaves and drizzled with date and carob molasses and served with za’atar spiced flatbread:

Then came one of my favorite dishes at Street, Ono Sashimi with spicy sesame mayonnaise, yuzu ponzu sauce, smoked salt, pink peppercorns and with savvy radish sprouts. For someone who usually hates ono, sashimi AND peppercorns, that this dish is my fave is quite a feat.

I forgot to photograph the Burmese Melon Salad that came next with melons, toasted coconut, peanuts, fried onions and sesame ginger dressing but Prudence did a lovely job of hand modeling the Shrimp Stuffed Shitake Mushrooms that were tempura fried and filled with shrimp mousse with pozu dipping sauce:

The Wild Columbia River Salmon and Hawaiian fried rice made with brown rice, Chinese sausage, taro root and scallions was a little healthy for me…

… so instead I went for the Brioche Hamburger with Vermont white cheddar, homemade pickles and yuzu kosho mayonnaise…

… and the Vietnamese Corn with 5-spice pork belly, hot chili peppers and scallions…

… topped off with Smashed Potatoes with sour cream, chives and pink peppercorns.

We all had an excellent meal though the last thing anyone felt like doing afterwards was measuring themselves on the Sexometer.

09Aug 2010

Allee Willis’ Museum O’ Kitsch – Felt Coaster Love Type

09Aug 2010

Allee Willis’ Museum O’ Kitsch – Felt Coaster Love Type

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It’s always a good sign of kitsch when right off the bat the packaging describes the product wrong. On the top of the package it very clearly states that I will be getting one Felt Coaster Love Type. But a few inches lower it clearly says that I will be unwrapping two Felt CoasterS Love Type. Perhaps the designer of the label was too excited at the hearts leaping out of the coffee cup to go for accuracy in the product description.

The back of the package states “Please do not put IT near the fire”. Does that count for both its, as in two coasters, and in that case shouldn’t it be “them”?

On the back of the package there are several warnings the user of the Felt Coaster Love Type must heed. Especially important is “Please don’t wash it in the hand”. Which of the hands should i not be washing it in?

The directions also clearly instruct not to use your Love coaster as a hot plate. At least I think that’s what this means:

Then there’s this somewhat distressing warning:

Is the Felt Coaster Love Type full of nickle, lead or battery acid or something? I’m not sure I want anything like that in the vicinity of anything hot OR human.

I do love the look of these things. Nice bold letters looking like they would in a nice heavy letter sweater.

The letters are actually the best feature of the Felt Coaster Love Type though their specialness isn’t even mentioned on the label. All the letters pop out.

I can’t imagine the purpose of the pop out letters. You certainly can’t balance a glass on one of them though they probably could handle the last bite of toast.

There’s a couple more things that are outstanding about the Felt Coaster Love Type. The leaping heart coffee cup and slice of cake are sitting on two different size coasters yet there are only two 4″ square coasters in the package.

The red “coaster” that the cake is sitting on isn’t even rectangular, which means that two of the “coasters” couldn’t be stuck together to make one larger “place mat”, not to mention that the package contains two different colored “coasters” so they could never be combined to make the larger one the cake’ sitting on. It’s nutty in the first place that a piece of cake on a plate would have to sit on top of a coaster. And even if this were an optical illusion and this were, in fact, a coaster, the plate that would fit on it could only be 3″ round, which means that the piece of cake is only about a tablespoon big. And even if it’s a little teacake I don’t like eating off of doll dinnerware.

The Felt Coaster Love Type was produced in China for Daiso, Japan. I will faithfully follow the instructions and promise to never use it “for purposes other than originally intended”.

22Mar 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Busom Buddie Flask

22Mar 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Busom Buddie Flask

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In the 1950’s, people were very creative about how they packed their liquor to self medicate at ballgames, in cars or just to show off at parties. This flask, sold in magazine catalogs and naughty peep shops, was one of the most popular ones around for very obvious reasons.

Made by Master Plastics, BB stands a lofty 7 inches high and contains enough liquor to do the trick several times over. No double entendres intended on the words “high” and “trick”.

I love the bikini line in the lower 40. Although it doesn’t continue in the back so maybe she just oinked on a few ounces.

18Feb 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day -1961 “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” Comic Book

18Feb 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day -1961 “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” Comic Book

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There’s no question that Dobie Gillis, which ran from 1959-’63, was just about my favorite TV show ever! I was coming of age, wanted to be Thalia Menninger and date Dobie just like every other young nubian my age. I loved how preppy Dobbie was in his starched khakis but had the good sense to have Beatnik friends like Maynard G. Krebs. I didn’t catch Warren Beatty as the rich kid, Milton Armitage, so much but after he left the show I was heavily into his cousin, the ultra-snot, Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. And, of course, all hail Zelda Gilroy aka Shelia Kuehl, whose nerdiness paid off when she became a US senator in real life in 2000.

This comic book was put out every other month by National Comics Publications, Inc.. This one is No. 6 from 1961. The pages were filled with teenage angst…:

And there were ALWAYS ads in 50’s and 60’s comic books to build whimpy muscles up, in this case by emulating Joe Weider, who went on to mentor such muscle maniacs as Arnold Schwarzenegger and also to get sued for a variety of weight loss and bulk up products that didn’t quite live up to their claims.

There were also ALWAYS ads to earn money. A very popular one is this one where you banked coins by selling popular patriotic and religious mottos, just what every kid wanted to do. But, most importantly, there were ALWAYS prizes to win…

Comic books offered lots of ways for an industrious kid to make money. I myself did the one showed below several times. I loved the little packets of seeds and I was obsessed with getting the prizes. For sure I got the pocket radio but you had to sell about 4 tons of seeds to get the three speed bicycle, the full string guitar (did they also have prizes of guitars with no strings?!), the typewriter, the movie projector or anything else that was of real value. Although I had big entrepreneurial plans most of the seeds ended up getting planted in my backyard. I think an onion grew once but that was about it.