burger-king-w-flame

Taking meat and kitsch to a new high, Burger King’s Flame cologne promises to make you smell like a romantic burger. With one spritz and the slogan “Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat”, BK Flame roars ahead of Avon at even its Mid Century cheese peak to take the top tier in the Parthenon Of Kitsch. This audacious expression of marketing kitsch makes me forgive BK for having the scariest and most unappetizing mascot of all time, that king with the big head. Remember, the next time you smell something cooking it could be the guy next to you. 

burgerking-w-fire

dust-mop-slippers_1215

As an avid multi-tasker, I put my feet to work whenever possible. As opposed to when I first started wearing them a couple of years ago, these comfy yet practical foot coverings are at the brink of over-exposure after being featured on Leno the night before last. Also evidence of their proliferation, you can find them a zillion places online and, as opposed to the original plaid, they now come in a zillion colors, fabrics and brands. 

Just as kitschy as the footwear itself, I love this description of them from www.asseenontvguys.com (not to be confused with www.asseenontv.com). Could the company with the Kitsch klassic name have said the same thing over and over again (and with sloppier grammar and punctuation) just one more time?!

“Dust mop slippers and mitt pick up dirt, and dust quickly and easily. Slippers grab pet hair as you slide across the floor, save time walking dirt away. No more bending or kneeling. Dust While You walk. No more kneeling and stooping to clean those out of the way places. Simply slip on these convenient slippers for a clean and sparkling floor. Frees you hands for other chores. Slip these convenient mop slippers onto your feet to easily dust mop your floors! Easily clean those out of the way places without kneeling or stooping. A great time saver!”

To clean floors and sylish feet!

 spit-ball-gum-catcher_74761

Poised to catch chewing materials when your mouth must be otherwise occupied these ceramic gum catchers had their heyday in the 1960’s and 70’s. I once knew a pug owned by a famous chef friend of mine who began every morning by racing around her restaurant eating gum stuck to the bottoms of all the tables by patrons who had no better place to dispose of their wads. Once the tables were clear, my friend would stretch out a 4′ long piece of dental floss and the pug would run her mouth back and forth over it until the spaces between her teeth were once again spotless. I’m glad there were no Spit Ball Gum Catchers around as this was such a spectacular trick! But unless proprietors own as gifted of a pet it seems like gum catchers should be on the inventory list of all self respecting food establishments.

disco-beer

Mmm, nothing tasted better in the 1970’s than something reminiscent of sweat, polyester and poppers.  Popular Dis-Go soda flavors included Champagne, Beer and Near Beer.  I don’t recall any liquid being the Disco refreshment of choice but a trend catching on so big that even makers of seemingly unrelated products want to capitalize on the name makes for Kitsch classicism.

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I love anything Disco. What I love even more is when popular crazes are borrowed from and replicated as close as they can possibly come without risking copyright infringement. Hence, Disco Fever instead of Saturday Night Fever. Made by Aladdin in 1980 and featuring roller skating couples on the back, this lunchbox appeared three years after John Travolta insured polyesther white suits a place in history. Fluffernutter sandwiches go best with the box, red Kool-Aid in the thermos.

 grapes-pink_7457

As common as ants at a picnic these resin grapes continue to infest coffee tables since their proliferation in the 1970’s. With rubber leaves, driftwood stems and a propensity to be turned into swag and table lamps, often regrouped as a pineapple, they’re a staple in any decent Kitsch collection. Transparent pink was the champagne of the resin cluster colors with blue, red, orange, yellow and green more common. Still made today, more recent grapes don’t have the same depth of color as the vintage ones as many of the original ingredients were taken off the market due to toxicity (safely sealed inside the vintage crop). Although clusters still abound on eBay, for instructions on how to grow your own go here.