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I posted this one once before but it’s about hot dogs, it’s Memorial Day and this the best instructional weener video I’ve ever seen. Everything about it – the hand modeling of hot dogs, the abrupt editing, the dialog delivery, plates going out of frame, the product itself, not to mention the use of the American flags – all conspire to make this a klassic Kitsch theatrical event. Don’t miss the dreamy musical montage at the end… and have a glorious dog-filled Memorial Day!

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Boasting that it’s to be “applied in modern families, hotels, various round toilet bowls”, the packaging for this “warm cover of toilet bowl”, is another spectacular example of translations gone awry. It’s made of “acryl” (new fiber made in China?), “imported rubber band” (wow) “anti-bacterium” (as opposed to the ever popular “bacterial”?), “smell proof” (thank God) and is/are “international fashion domestic decorations, sanitary necessities”.  I’m not quite clear of the difference between “Keep warm in winter, comfortable, heath care and sanitary” and “Use & warm in winter, comfortable, heath care and sanitary” though clearly the translator felt both were worthy of a line. In case of soiling “avoid washing with bleacher” or the “high elastic nylon” will fry up faster than a polyester Disco shirt. Made in China by Shu Mei Lia, there’s no year on the package but I would say it’s timeless.

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Although the ice cream looks more like dry wall spackle this radio, made in 1977, still plays beautiful static-y music like the day it was born. Made by Amico, the only sign of decay is the color of the ice cream itself which has faded from the purrfect strawberry pink on the inner side of the plastic to a dull brown rum raisin outside. The cone pulls out of the base so you can walk around pretending you’re eating it, a fun activity for some back in the day, especially those on roller skates. I remember thinking that there should be bases for real ice cream cones so people like me who licked slow to drag out the ecstasy of my favorite Pralines ‘n Cream wouldn’t have it dripping all over their hands. This is still my emergency radio in case of earthquakes.

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Slapping advertising on Instamatic cameras was all the rage in the 80’s as advertisers realized their brands could be pushed on just about anything. You got this one by sending Kraft some box tops + minimal coinage. 110 Kodak film cartridge inside still fresh as a loaf of Velveeta, the never-aging cheese.

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I cannot tell you how many people ask me if they can keep this vintage cup after I serve them the half a cup of coffee they ask for. Tons of these were made as state souvenirs. Lots of different styles. Not always easy to find but as of this morning there were 8 on Ebay. Run.

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groove-on-brothers

You know I think almost anything with an afro has groove to it but how these overstuffed lumps o’ rubber afro power came to symbolize the quality of groovin’ must be attributed to the fact that they were made for the apple pie American Greetings Corp.  Vintage 1972, when everyone had a groove. 

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Oftentimes, despite having been handed a coaster, drunk guests miss the mark and their glass leaves a big white circle on your favorite table reminding you to never invite them again. This miniature thong grips the drink – as all good thongs do their subjects. Glasses raise with thongs attached so happy landings and pristine tabletops are guaranteed.

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Kitsch Honorable Mention For Excellence In Packaging Copy: On the front: “For body and back”. The last time I looked my back was part of my body. On the back: “Cleaning Products that are out of this world”. I’m thinking they make janitorial supplies. I googled them. They do.