10May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Allee Willis Marches on Detroit! Part 15, The Miracle Dentist Story

10May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Allee Willis Marches on Detroit! Part 15, The Miracle Dentist Story

I’m not a lover of dentists. Though I have one I do love now in LA, Dr. James Formaker, I’m still feeling repercussions from a butcher in Beverly Hills who not only put me through two unnecessary surgeries, one of which he didn’t even have conscience enough to check to see if the surgeon had preformed the correct one of – which he hadn’t – and all of which cost me over $25,000 and an even more severe price of walking around with a sore mouth for the last four years. His name is happily provided upon inquiry. But I had  a tooth adventure during my trip to Detroit a few weeks ago that completely restored my faith in these people who dutifully drill in your mouth in search of decay.

I had just finished giving my speech on the rejuvenation of Detroit at the Rust Belt to Arts Belt III conference. We were at the reception and as I chomped down on the softest of Vietnamese spring rolls I felt something lift up in my mouth.

No, this couldn’t be happening! I was in the midst of this intense trip, filming it is a documentary, doing a ton of press, with one more big performance to go. The last thing I needed, especially after hours, was trying to find a dentist in a town where I knew none.

First, Michael Poris, called someone he knew.

But that dentist sounded too too scary on the phone.

He was exceedingly pessimistic that most likely nothing could be done despite the fact that I felt all I needed was a little glue.

Then, as if the Tooth Fairy was looking down on me, someone I met only minutes before overheard the ruckus and called her dentist.

The difference of talking to Dr. Doom and the bright and sparkly personality of the woman on the end of Kathy Huber’s phone was night and day. So me and my entourage, Mark Blackwell, Laura Grover and Denise Caruso, piled into our rented van and followed this angel of mercy to Grosse Pointe Woods…

…where Dr. Kathleen Gibney met us with her two kids and dog in tow. First of all, how great is a dentist who’s already home cooking dinner who comes in after hours for someone who they don’t even know?? This woman deserves sainthood.

Dr. Gibney not only let everyone stay in the room with me, which went miles in terms of quieting my panic down,…

…but also let us document every single inch of the procedure.

She didn’t care how close the camera came.

I’m fine in almost any traumatic situation as long as a video is rolling…

…and as long as friends are along to act as dental hygienists and stick their hands in my mouth when assistance is needed.

There wasn’t an inch of pain and Dr. Gibney preformed flawlessly.

Besides Dr. Gibney’s lively, atypical-for-a-dentist personality and excellent skills, this was the dentist office of my dreams. The colors were bright and the dental chairs were comfortable, actually a perfect match for my outfit.

The last place I’d expect to find kitsch exuberantly displayed is in a dentist office. But here it was, Photoshoped photos of stars with toothbrushes…

and bottles of mouthwash.

There were oodles of excellent dentally-correct album covers, like Lou Rawls with dental floss,…

…and these folks with toothbrushes and toothpaste:

I especially liked this title spelled out in dental floss:

There were LP covers everywhere you looked.

Even the light fixtures called my name.

As fate would have it, I had 25 pounds of candy in the back of the van that I bought for my big high school marching event coming up on Saturday. I know that a dentist’s kids are the last people in the world I should be offering an opening up of the portals of chocolate to but it seemed like the perfect capper to a most unexpected evening of fun.

So rather than being in tooth trauma, I was in absolute heaven. I’ve never had such a great time at a dentist office in my life.

Thank you Kathy Huber and Jeremy Martin, pictured here at my big event Saturday morning, for leading me and my molar to salvation that fateful night.

If anyone reading this is from Detroit or surrounding areas and you’re not completely and ecstatically in love with your dentist, I don’t care how far it is to drive, a trip to Dr. Gibney’s is just what Dr. Willis orders. I even think I’ll get my teeth cleaned in Detroit just to see her again.

24Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1960’s “Last Leg O’ The (knee) Trip” Pen

24Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1960’s “Last Leg O’ The (knee) Trip” Pen

I’m happy to report that my own recently operated on left  knee is finally allowing my leg to return to its natural state such as modeled by this fantastic “First Leg ‘O Trip’ Washington souvenir pen. Although my own appendage is not as shapely and slim as this perfectly poised on-point gam, it’s just about at the point of where it looks more like an ‘I’ than a ‘V’ and is allowing me to hobble around rather than setting up permanent camp in bed.

I have no plans to go to Washington but, rather, to Detroit, the trip that I suspect sent my knee into hyper-gear and caused my meniscus to rip. Not known for my disciplined exercise regimen, in April I’m heading to the Motor City, my hometown, to conduct my high school band playing a medley of my greatest hits in the lobby of the historic Fox theater before a performance of the musical I co-wrote, The Color Purple. In efforts to bounce around as if I were four decades younger, I got a little overaggressive as I rehearsed, conducting every TV commercial that came on and threw my knee so out of whack it was a lesson blaring in neon signage that one can never let themselves turn so fully into a couch potato that they’re more likely to grow sprouts before being able to function as a fully exercised human being.

Why, you might ask, was I rehearsing to TV commercials when I’ve actually written the songs that are to be performed?  That would be because I never learned how to read, notate or play a stitch of music so even if the Mumford marching band arranger scanned his arrangements onto my skin I’d have a better chance of deciphering Chinese than the musical notes and rhythms before me.

So long ago I developed my own technique of being able to jump on a note and rhythm at the first milliseconds of its sound so that it might appear I know what I’m doing. I’m the same way with melodies. Nine times out of 10 I can sing along with something despite never having heard it before. It’s a weird skill I know but I can’t say it hasn’t come in handy:

But back to the leg at hand:

I love my little leg pen and, if I remembered where I put it after I shot these photos, I would have most definitely had it at bedside to psychologically aid in my recovery. That’s one of the beauties of being a collector. The objects around you aren’t just there because that’s what ought to be sitting on an end table or where there’s a chair there’s also an ottoman. The objects and you are one, all manifestations of energy in a world that’s largely up to you to create. Now it’s my job as a diligent patient, and one who has a marching band to conduct to boot, to manifest having a left leg as strong and shapely as my souvenir Washington leg pen and to stay on point forever.

Thank you all for taking this weeklong knee/leg journey with me. It actually made it feel like fun and that’s a lot to be said for surgery! This is, indeed, the ‘last leg’ of this journey.

23Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Jean Craig, Graduate Nurse Book + Knee Update

23Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Jean Craig, Graduate Nurse Book + Knee Update

I’ve been blessed this past week to have great friends grace my bedside and nurse me through knee surgery, dressing up as nurses themselves for my amusement. Nancye Ferguson was one such nurse in training as I took my first steps a couple of days ago:

As nice as Nancye’s medical uniform is – a shower cap from the 99¢ store and paint mask and gloves from Home Depot – it’s nowhere near as up to code as nurse Jean Craig’s:

But as up to code as nurse Jean Craig’s education may have been to earn a graduate degree, there’s actually very little mention of it or anything else medical in this book. In fact, most of the time at Gallop Memorial Hospital Jean’s eyes are focused more on romance than on a heart monitor:

In fact, one of the only prominent mentions of illness is on Page 1:

Some of Jean’s time in Elmhurst, Conn. was spent drawing:

I wish there were more drawings in this book but sadly, in 1950, the World Publishing Company of Cleveland and New York only sprung for graphics on the cover and one across from the title page:

Even the back of the book is vacant of Jean, though there is some medical specimen from the book’s previous owner present:

Luckily, no strange medical specimens have impeded my progress and I’m happy to report that I have been hobbling around sans crutches for most of the day yesterday and today. My knee is an almost open and shut case for speedy recovery!

With a mind to sanitary conditions, Nurse Jean and her fellow graduates wore nice, long uniforms that covered their knees.

Which means they never had to worry about having a knee that looked like mine this past week:

Thankfully, Nurse Jean and Nurse Nancye’s services are close to never being needed again as my left leg is looking forward to returning to its former lovely self within days!

20Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Drs. Casey and Kildare Diaries + Knee Progress

20Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Drs. Casey and Kildare Diaries + Knee Progress

I’ve laid in bed two days now nursing my just-operated-on knee back to health.  As someone who literally never sits still, I’ve been a fairly model citizen since the surgery to repair a torn meniscus on Tuesday. Portable electronics certainly help and my love of bad television has been an excellent babysitter. But, most of all, I have excellent friends who have come to visit me and partaken in some spectacular photo ops:

(L-R) Nurses Prudence Fenton and Charles Phoenix and patient Willis.

Nurse Maxine Lapiduss also came by and dropped off some excellent homemade Moraccan stew, unfortunately not featured in this photo but very much featured in my stomach last night:


Don’t ask me what’s going on under my blanket to give it such peculiar formation. Perhaps one of the cats was snoozing under there at the moment this was snapped. I certainly don’t want anyone to think I’ve expanded to the following from munching on Saltines, Ritz crackers and applesauce these last couple of days:

But, back to matters at hand – my beautiful 1960’s Ben Casey and Dr. Kildare daily diarys. Both this blog and the aforementioned portable electronics have dispensed with the need to keep track of my progress in an old school diary, as well as those innermost thoughts that come when one loses all the privileges of physical freedom. When I was 12 years old and had my first surgical procedure, the removal of an ingrown toenail by Dr. Smellsy (would you choose to be a foot doctor if that was your last name?!),  I wrote all about it in my Ben Casey diary.

Were this my actual diary from my youth I would show you what I wrote inside, probably wishing that the boy I had a crush on because he was one of the only people taller than me in school would come visit me in my toenailless state.  This diary, however, was purchased a couple years ago on eBay where I also found its perfect mate, a Dr. Kildare diary.

Dr. Kildare was on TV the same years as Ben Casey, 1961-66. There was a clear-cut division between Casey lovers and Kildare lovers, the former doctor being brooding, dark and handsome and the latter clean-cut, blonde and smooth. Although at the time I definitely preferred the Type A personality, brunette Dr. Casey – he looked more Jewish –  I’ve definitely rescinded my vote in recent years and hopped over to the Kildare side.

Let me tell you, Dr. Kildare, a.k.a. Richard Chaimberlain, is still rockin the smooth. So much so that I would’ve loved to take him into the operating room with me. It would’ve given me so much to write in my diary about!

But for now, I’m just excited that Dr. Stetson, my excellent knee surgeon, did such a good job. He may not have had his own television series and things like diaries, wallets, pencils and cufflinks made in his likeness, but ultimately I’d rather have a functioning knee than a functioning Thumpy any day!

19Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1950’s Band-Aid Sheer Strips and Knee Op Progress

19Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1950’s Band-Aid Sheer Strips and Knee Op Progress

I’m happy to report that I’m making a swift recovery from surgery to repair a torn meniscus in my left knee yesterday. I still have all the festive bandages on that were my medical souvenirs, but within a week or so all will be removed and I can scale back to the dainty little strips that normally cover cuts and scrapes.

Back in the 1950’s when this Band-Aid box cranked off the assembly line, it was important to be stylish at all times, even when dressing gushing wounds. This box made going to get a bandage in the bathroom a very cheerful and almost glamorous journey.

Even the packaging of the individual bandages made it look like having a cut was some reason to celebrate. If only that artwork were on the bandages themselves…

Band-Aid boxes were great back in the day, made out of that pristine white metal that always made you feel like a starched white nurses uniform was hanging in the room. Not the thin, ratty cardboard wrappers that surround such products these days, the old stock was meant to aesthetically comfort anyone who had the need or bleed to dip inside, happy families made even happier that a Band-Aid was currently in use amongst them.

Made, of course, by Johnson & Johnson, Band-Aids have always ultimately won my heart. I still experiment with other brands as one of the most thrilling things in the world to me is standing in the medicine aisle of a big drug emporium and trying to find sizes and shapes I don’t have so that I’m prepared for any foreign object or circumstance that may befall a body part. But when I need a sure-fire hit it’s always J&J.

At present, the bandages on my knee are substantially larger than any contained in this box of sheer strips:

The good news is that I have excellent nurses on hand to swap out the ice packs over my bandages every half hour: Nurse Charles Phoenix, who came bearing a hand brace wrist corsage for my sprained wrist (yes, two injuries!)…

… 24 hour nurse Prudence Fenton…

… and nurse Niblet who’s about to nibble my wrist corsage:

And excellent news is I’m told that in just a few days I’ll be back (gently) hopping around and all I’ll need are a few tiny Band-Aid sheer strips!

18Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Paging Dr. Casey!! I’m having knee surgery today…

18Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Paging Dr. Casey!! I’m having knee surgery today…

Today I’m having surgery to repair a torn meniscus in my left knee. The operation, a relatively quick outpatient job, was supposed to occur on my right knee but after putting the surgery off for over a year and a half I favored the good leg so much that literally the day I finally scheduled the invasion the good knee went eeewwwrrripppp!!! and snapped just like the other one.  Calling Dr. Casey!!!

My doctor should only be as comely as Vincent Edwards, a.k.a. Dr. Ben Casey!

I know my injury occurred because I finally got into exercise mode a few months ago when I was invited back to my alma mater, the University of Wisconsin, to conduct the 350 member marching band in a medley of my greatest hits at the Homecoming football game last October.

I got even more aggressive in my exercise routine when I found out I’m going back to Detroit to conduct my high school marching band playing my greatest hits in April at the historic Fox theater before a performance of my musical, The Color Purple. My high school was made famous in Beverly Hills Cop when Eddie Murphy wore a Mumford High T-shirt throughout the film.

I also received a Grammy for Best Soundtrack for BH Cop so my songs, “Neutron Dance” and “Stir It up”, are inextricably linked to my high school forever. As someone who’s main exercise has always been walking back and forth to the refrigerator, I went into overdrive conducting every tv commercial that came on, every YouTube video of any school band doing one of my songs, anything that could help raise my stamina so I’d be capable of jumping around and flailing my arms for 20 minutes straight. But I guess I just got too excited and ripped my other meniscus in the process, thus proving what I had told myself my whole life: exercise is the devil! (despite me being on the cover of the very first Richard Simmons exercise album, which I also co-wrote and produced. How kitschy is THAT?!!)

This previous no exercise philosophy of mine allowed me to sit on my ass much of my life, which allowed me to watch much television, which in turn allowed me to obsess over Dr. Ben Casey.

My knee surgery will probably be over by the time you read this and Vicodin will be swirling around inside, enhancing my enjoyment of Keeping up with the Kardassians, King of the Hill and all the other TV pacifiers I’ll  no doubt be sucking on once home. Too bad no one has thought to air reruns of Ben Casey.

I always thought that Dr. Casey’s mentor, Dr. Zorba, was very wise, albeit very shrivelled.

I’m glad that ol’ shriveled Dr. Zorba is still watching over Dr. Casey’s shoulder, though he looks ever more attractive now that he’s drenched in so much shadow:

I always loved when the man, woman, birth, death and infinity symbols were drawn in the opening titles of the show:

I’m happy to see that Dr. Zorba’s handiwork made it onto the wallet too:

I haven’t had a chance to clean the wallet yet. It looks like some biological specimens may have been left over from the former owner.

As such, l will most certainly not be carrying my Ben Casey wallet with me to the surgery center. I hadn’t planned to anyway as we all know that operations aren’t cheap and there’s only enough room for a few dollar bills in this wallet anyway.

I’m hoping that both Dr. Casey and Dr. Zorba’s spirits will be looking over my doctor’s shoulder when he goes to work on my knee. I hope my doctor has as excellent surgical skills as the young and dashing Ben Casey as I’m looking forward to having my knee back and doing spirited marching band formations around my living room very soon.

A happier leg makes for a much happier Allee!!

06Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Etiquette “A Sick Bag”

06Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Etiquette “A Sick Bag”

If you weren’t nauseous before you grabbed for this “A sick bag” or “Sac a vomis” you would be after taking a look at everything going on on the packaging.

I love that “A sick bag” is also referred to as ‘the etiquette bag’ as it “will help by quickly solidifying your vomit and quenching the odor”. Now THAT’s etiquette!

I always like when a creative slogan like “help when you’re feeling sick and want to throw up” is employed:

That sudden feeling of wanting to share your contents with the sidewalk can happen anywhere, on all kinds of transport:

I can’t imagine many people would need instructions about how to use the “A sick bag” but easily understandable ones are included nonetheless:

In case you don’t read Japanese, helpful illustrations for how to open your A sick bag, heave into it and seal it up are also included:

I don’t know about you, but if I had an unexpected, unsightly regurgitation the last thing I’d want to do is carry it around all day until I got home. And what’s up with the “non-burnable trash”? Are we saving it for something?

The conflict of “1” and “batches” is making me slightly nauseous:

I guess Arabic speaking peoples also have a propensity for “vomis”:

Ahh, I think I will save my coin and just use a plastic bag should the occasion “arise”.

02Dec 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Hanukah Menorah Hat

02Dec 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Hanukah Menorah Hat


I used to hate these theme hats as they always look so dorky. But now that I have a blog and a museum that spotlight kitsch this sort of haberdashery seems to fit right in, especially when it’s on my head. And especially when it’s this awkward menorah hat on this first day of Hanukah. The candles don’t stand up straight and nine candles is kind of too wide for a hat anyway.

But wearing a hat of this sort makes one feel festive. And if there were any holiday that called for feeling festive it’s one that comes along with eight gifts, one for each night of the celebration.

Hanukah is the kind of religious holiday that kids love. I made some of my most significant childhood scores in all the Decembers of my youth. I got my very first portable hairdryer on Hanukah as well as my very first transistor radio, my pink and gray Columbia bike, an incredible light avocado green cable knit mohair sweater that I still lust for and my favorite wallet of my childhood:

So happy first day of Hanukah!  May you get something as nice as a Ben Casey wallet and eat lots of matzoh ball soup.

23Nov 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Dr. Ben Casey Pencils

23Nov 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Dr. Ben Casey Pencils

I loved me some Ben Casey when I was a kid. I had Ben Casey diaries, wallets, cufflinks, bobble head dolls, anything and everything that had that kind-of-smile-but-not-really brooding look that Vincent Edwards, who played the handsome doctor, knew how to give with amazing regularity. Here he is as a cufflink with the same intent look:

He even had ‘the look’ on the cover of Look:

The only time I ever saw Ben Casey not have ‘the look’ was at The Playboy Mansion where I was lucky enough to be New Year’s Eve,1991, and as everyone was yelling “Happy New Year!” I turned to kiss the person next to me and there he was, Ben Casey, YES, Vincent Edwards in the flesh!  And he was smiling! This was back in the prehistoric days before digital cameras and before I knew enough to carry one, digital or otherwise, with me. So, alas, the only place that smile is is in my memory bank.  I even forgot to ask for an autograph.

But at least I have my pencils to wrap my fingers around when I dream about ‘the look’.

I have no idea how they arrived at 34 cents to sell this for. Seems like Dr. Casey’s winning bedside ‘look’ is worth a lot more than that.

05Aug 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – LUCKY Medical Van

05Aug 2010

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – LUCKY Medical Van

lucky-med-van

When it comes to naming your company I’m always fascinated when people come up with the most seemingly inappropriate names possible. I can think of a lot of things I’d be calling myself if I were being transported in this Medical Transportation vehicle but I doubt one of them would be “lucky”. This is the last place you would be if you were, in fact, “lucky”. Maybe the name has great psychological impact as the patient steps or is wheeled in through the doors. And I’m certainly not one to diminish the power of positive thinking. But I think I would want the driver or any personnel on board to be a little more connected to the reality of the medical situation.  “Lucky” enough to hitch a ride, yes!  “Lucky” to be in the van, no.

lucky-med-van-close