May you have a happy, healthy, fun filled, creatively inspired, friend packed, romantically infused, work of your dreams, service to others, heaped with gratitude New Year!
I always hated these theme hats but ever since I’ve had my Kitsch O’ The Day blog I’ve found one that’s dumber than the next and that seems to serve the cause of Kitsch well. In the case of this particular Christmas tree chapeau, I hope that most people who don it bought it for themselves as opposed to getting it from under the real tree as it lives up to excessively few of its claims. For example, the label definitely leads one to believe that the star on top lights up and stands erect as any good tree topper should:
In real life, the star flops over like a dead fish.
Although it might look like the star is lit in that last photo it’s just that I shot it in too bright of light. In fact, the wire connected to the star is clearly not connected to the battery terminal.
Inside the hat, the battery case flops around on your head like another dead fish. Should you attempt to adjust the sized-for-a-child-and-grips-your-head-like-a-vice hat on your now bruised head, the battery case flops out like the ornament that’s always too ugly to put on the tree.
So far my cat, Niblet, has hacked up six bunches of tinsel that have fallen off the tree hat. If you even look at this thing it sheds.
All in all,I think it might be less frustrating to wear a real tree on my head. I hope Fun World Div., Easter Unlimited, Inc. of Carle Place, NY by way of China is making a New Years resolution to take better care of their trees before extracting $30 for the malfunctioning stump that sits atop my head this Christmas!
99¢ and discount stores in general are fabulous all year round but there’s no question that the season they shine most at is Christmas, when all stops are pulled out and the shelves are packed with more crap than even a kitsch loving aKitschionado such as myself can absorb. These stores at this season offer the perfect storm of circumstances for me, especially as I needed some Christmas arts and crafts supplies to make Pigmy Will Christmas ornaments.
So I got my head together to stand in line as these severe discount stores are the kind of places where there are five or six cash registers but only one or two staffed at a time. But despite the long lines and shelves stuffed with misplaced items because people change their minds on the go and stick things anywhere, it’s always a delight to see what’s offered at this most special time of the year. Here are a few of the things that crossed my eyeballs within the first 10 minutes of walking into two such establishments in North Hollywood, CA.
This seems like an awful lot of plaster or whatever these things are made out for four little hooks:
This looks like it was made by someone who’d drunk too much Red Bull and was let loose in a crafts store:
This kind of kitsch scares me:
Could there be any more going on in this frame to take away from a photo?
I know that this Stocking Wave-Cap is impressive but what I want for Christmas is that foot shaped emery board next to it:
I’m buying everyone on my list a “snug and comfy” non-Snuggie-looks-just-like-a-Snuggy Fuzzy Wuzzy:
And maybe some Elvis in a can…:
I bought ten Elvises in a popcorn filled guitar.
Forget about the doggie Santa suits; I like that pink coat with the fur collar down in the bottom right corner:
I didn’t know that Barbra Streisand had her own line of beauty products:
If the best thing you can say about your pantyhose is that they are “Beautifully effective” I’m not even excited about them being Velvet.
As if there already wasn’t enough of this in the world, we don’t need more of it at a buck a pop:
And whoever buys this, please take me to your home and let me see what other supreme kitsch you have inside:
If you were kitschilousciously koncious this Christmas shopping season you could have everything on this page for under 100 clams. May you have a excellent 99¢++ Christmas!
If I wanted anyone serenading me with Christmas carols it would be Elvis. This Christmas ornament of The King captures his 1950’s essence complete with slim body, pompadour and up-curled lip though some 1970’s puffiness is starting to invade his cheeks.
Hallmark did a nice job of capturing his ever-on-point foot to match his snarled lip:
I’m not sure what this Elvis is made of. He’s not quite plastic and not quite metal but is heavier than a normal Christmas ornament and has a nice secure screw in his head.
In case the buyer or recipient has no idea who Elvis was Hallmark has provided a nice explanation, borrowing a little from Frank Sinatra.
I hope you have a very Elvis holiday season with lots of fried chicken and peanut butter and banana sandwiches!
After too many peanut butter and banana sandwiches with bacon Elvis has left the building…
Last weekend I drove down to San Diego to see a performance of my musical, The Color Purple. I rarely get a chance to see the show but when it’s anywhere near LA I choose which performances I’m going to see by which town has the best thrift shops and then I make a whole trip out of it. For this performance I mapped out all the second hand shops between LA and San Diego. But we left too late so dealt with the shopping jones in one antique mall in Solana Beach on the way to SD. I especially love antique malls this time of year because the Khristmas Kitsch comes out in full force.
Which is why no one should ever travel without a camera at this time of year. There is far too much kitsch to document by storing the wonderfulness in your head only.
The first thing I came across was this Bedazzled holiday fauna interpretation. These trees on felt or velvet are common Khristmas kraft faire but this one was done with more precision than most that line thrift shop shelves this time of year, with everything lying at the bottom of junk drawers messily glued on to form the tree. This crafter used chunks of resin to fill in the gaps between jewels instead of just accepting patches of black velvet looking like dead branches on the tree.
I am so not a Mickey Mouse connoisseur so don’t know the vintage of this, but were I to let the mouse run around my house it would likely be in the form of this plastic cup with the big feet and double holed grip.
You can always count on a sweater smorgasbord this time of the year.
I dig homemade Christmas decorations but for $95 Santa’s mail won’t be delivered anywhere near my house this year.
Were I of the right religion I would definitely have gone for the following. If anyone ever spots Moses rolling through the rushes in mosaic let me know.
I’m definitely not into these little guard guys but you always see them around at Christmas. This one is particularly festive. I especially love his rubber chair leg tip shoulder:
I know that it was the individual bunches of tinsel that were for sale here but if I were someone who was decorating for Christmas I would’ve bought this whole thing and used it as a giant ornament:
Barbie, of course, always gets in on the Christmas action. With this kind of packaging I wish she were made out of chocolate:
Little baldheaded children with long eyelashes always look good dressed for the holidays:
I know that snowmen always abound in Christmas decorations so nothing special here other than the homemade quality of these three. I especially like how off-center the nose is on the guy all the way to the right (the snowman’s right, not yours):
I always like light up yard decorations of Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. I love how coiffed Jesus is in this one, especially in his pink pantsuit, and how much baby Jesus looks like a bubbling soufflé.
Vintage Pebble Art is great all times of the year but looks especially good in these praying Christmas portrayals:
Although it has nothing to do with Christmas, The Color Purple, the musical I co-wrote and which is what brought me down to San Diego in the first place, has an awful lot to do with a little girl praying and writing letters to God. Seeing my show for the last time for a few months until I fly to Detroit in April to conduct my high school marching band playing a medley of my greatest hits in the lobby of the Fox theater, where The Color Purple will be, was an excellent early Christmas present for me, especially after a day of such kitsch as aforementioned lighting up my eyes with wonderment. Look what God has done!
And speaking of purple and Christmas, it’s still not too late to order a lovely Pigmy Will ornament for the tree or to use as a hat on little baldheaded rubber Christmas children.
Anyone who’s ever driven past Norwood Young’s house in LA knows that it’s a prime candidate for a Kitschmas smorgasbord unlike all others. Depending on who you talk to, known affectionately or despicably as the House of Davids, it has enough wrought iron to circle the White House, all of which protects the 21 statues of David that line the driveway upon which usually sits Norwood’s jewel encrusted Rolls Royce. Here’s what Youngwood Court, as it’s officially known, looks like all year except December:
I, of course, worship at the altar of this edifice and landscaping that depict a victory for self expression through statuary that has driven many of Norwood’s neighbors crazy ever since he moved in umpteen years ago.
After years of religiously driving past the corner of Third and S. Muirfield if I was even remotely in the area I finally went to a party at Norwood’s about 10 years ago. As luck would have it, he was a songwriter and a fan of my songs so in years to come I got to enter the palace many times.
Unfortunately, that shot was taken at Patti LaBelle’s birthday party this year, which was NOT held at Youngwood Court which looks much more like this on the inside:
But this post is all about the outside and celebrating the Christmas spirit in a way that only Norwood can.
Sunday night I made my yearly pilgrimage to his place for the turning on the lights ceremony, complete with performances by the man himself and real snow that somehow managed to stay frozen despite the 80° weather that day.
Norwood had on a fabulous red velvet suit. I, unfortunately, had on the same outfit I wore to Patti’s birthday party:
Despite my fashion faux pas, I documented the fabulous insanity on the front lawn as I have in all years past.
So, in no particular order, here’s a sample of Christmas 2010 at Youngwood Court. Mind you, the Christmas models are all nude statues of David.
My eyeballs thank Norwood for this most merry Christmas tableau! I hope the neighbors appreciate their luck being this close to the West pole.
Each ornament and tree topper is a unique work of art crafted by Pigmy Will, Feathers and Whiska, when he’s in a good mood.
Adorable! Seasonal! Real art! CHEAP! And mailed within 24 hours of placing your order.
You can see all twelve styles of ornaments and tree toppers here: http://store.alleewillis.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=ornaments.
If you haven’t had the pleasure of making Pigmy Willl’s acquaintance you can see him at http://www.pigmywill.com or hit him up on youtube, http://www.youtube.com/PigmyWill.
Merry Christmas and happy ornament shopping from Pigmy Will!
I hope all aKitschinados are having a very happy holiday season so far. Brighten it up with the most unique Christmas ornaments around and be even happier!
Seasonally yours in Pigmy Will,
Allee
Any bottle of Concorde grape looks more Hanukah with this cheesy little so-much-silver-glitter-you-could-scrape-your-finger-on-it Jewish star vest.
Complete with bow tie, this Wine Butler, “Fine threads for your whites & reds…”, was manufactured in 1995 for the Perfectly Packaged Corporation, who even has a patent on the thing.
Though my garb was nowhere near as festive as this bottle’s I, myself, was once swathed in Jewish stars when I dressed as a rabbi for Halloween in 1982.
As it’s the last day of Hanukah, it’s now time to retire the wine wardrobe until next year.
Happy last day of Hanukah! May you be well dressed throughout the year.
I don’t know where this fantastic metal pipe menorah came from but it was sitting in the middle of my friend Judy Freed’s Hanukah table and begged to be commemorated on the shelves here at The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch. Had I seriously taken note of it earlier I would have photographed it with candles ablaze but I got to Judy’s late and was completely distracted by the plethora of Jewish delights that are reliably laid out at her holiday spreads. Without question, she makes the best brisket I’ve ever tasted. It’s so tender it cuts itself if it even senses utensils coming near.
The potato latkes were the perfect blend of crisp outside and mushy inside.
The noodle kugel also had the crisp/mushy thang goin’ on.
This dish was a little straight for me but I guess it was needed to counteract the Jewish starch attack:
I’ve been going to Judy’s for the Jewish holidays since the early 1980’s. I used to dress for the occasion.
I know it’s hard to see details in the photo but I’m wearing a 1950’s souvenir hat from Israel, a massive glitter Jewish star necklace and jewelry all made in Israel. The rest of my clothes didn’t have much to do with Judaism but they haven’t fit me in a couple decades so there’s nothing lost in terms of me clothing myself appropriately to go to Judy’s these days.
For dessert, Judy also made chocolate chip cookies the size of tires. But they were brought out at the moment I noticed the lead pipe menorah so I thankfully forgot to chow down a set of four because I was too busy fumbling for my camera.
The menorah is unbelievably heavy. But then again, so is the reason we celebrate Hanukkah.
So Happy Day 6 of Hanukah and may you steer clear of holiday cooks whose food tastes more like lead pipes than brisket, kugel and all the other festive food that lights up a holiday table.
All pretty self-explanatory here – Shalom, hope you’re enjoying this stretch of Hanukah, sit back and have a nice smoke with your Mogen David, wash it down with a matzoh ball and open another present.
There are no manufacturers marks on this vintage Shalom ashtray but I love the handpainted looking cigarette that looks more like a baton or African rain stick with delicate little curlycue smoke coming out of it.
I don’t encourage you to smoke but if you do at least park it where the Chosen People wish you well.
Happy present #5, 3 more to go!
