Allee Willis Blog » Forgot to Categorize

06Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Teapot Wool Cap

06Dec 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Teapot Wool Cap

Teapot-hat-crop_1322

It just got freezing in LA. The skies are getting dark and gloomy, you need a heavy coat, it’s very un-LA like. The only thing that makes me feel okay about the cold invading the gorgeous, sunny west coast is that I get to wear my hats. I have a bunch of them that look like objects. This teapot cap keeps my head warm just like the real thing keeps the brewed stuff piping hot. I love this hat because it always stands up proud no matter what rains or snows on it. The only thing I don’t like is tea. Never could stand it, never will. I don’t care if it’s flavored, in ice cream, has 3 pounds of honey in it or what. When it comes to tea, this hat is as close to my mouth as it’ll ever get.

04Dec 2009

Allee Willis Kitsch O The Day – 1960’s Bergél of Hollywood Aftershave Dice Bottle

04Dec 2009

Allee Willis Kitsch O The Day – 1960’s Bergél of Hollywood Aftershave Dice Bottle

bergel-dice-bottle_4857

The quintessential artifact in the oeuvre of Kitsch has got to be dice. Plastered on clothing, hanging from dashboard mirrors, modeled after in packaging, its presence coats the Pop Culture landscape like so much astroturf. This bottle of aftershave was manufactured in the 1960s by Bergél of Hollywood, a fancy brand that had leading men all over the world smelling fine as wine or whatever it was they were drinking once they slathered this stuff on.

30Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ultra Cheap Donny and Marie Microphone And Song Sheets Set

30Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ultra Cheap Donny and Marie Microphone And Song Sheets Set

donny-&-marie-microphone_4689

Donny Osmond may have won Dancing With The Stars and a whole lotta money for his favorite charity but a whole lotta money was the last thing that was spent on manufacturing this toy microphone and song sheets set at the height of the Donny & Marie Show frenzy in 1976. Despite the claim on the package that you too can “CREATE YOUR OWN SONGS • MAKE YOUE OWN MUSIC” the non-working plastic mic attaches to nothing and won’t get you much farther than singing into a candle or a shoe or anything else remotely microphone shaped.

The “song sheets” are literally blank sheets of paper that you write the notes to your own song on should you have enough songwriting chops to pull one out of the blue and be blessed with the knowledge of how to notate music, the latter of which I don’t even know how to do.

To make matters worse and even lower-rent, the song sheets are stapled together at the top and the bottom and it’s next to impossible without surgical instruments to remove the staples without ripping the one-ply-thick-thinner-than-toilet-paper paper it’s printed on.

Made in Hong Kong during the heyday of the bro/sis acts’ ABC variety show by the family’s own Osbro Productions and distributed by Gordy International (how did Motown get into the act?) it also appears that Donnie got the shaft on the shaft of the microphone as Marie’s name got bumped up to all caps and Donny’s remains crushed into diminutive lower case letters.

All around, this belongs in an express elevator up to the Penthouse of Kitsch because it is sooooo totally and completely cheaply made, meant to be dumped into bargain bins at all of the dollar discount stores that were just starting to get a smelly toehold on the American merchandising scene.

19Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Tragic And Wonderful Misuse of ‘Boogie Wonderland’ in “How To-Dominican Blowout/Doobie”

19Nov 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Tragic And Wonderful Misuse of ‘Boogie Wonderland’ in “How To-Dominican Blowout/Doobie”

As most of you know by now, I’m one of the few songwriters who loves when their songs are used or performed inappropriately as it turns the songs into masterpieces of Kitsch. I never set out to write Kitsch as I love music too much but if I leave it in the hands of all the people who love to see themselves on YouTube I’m rarely disappointed.

As opposed to a performance, this is someone who’s chosen to verrrry sloooowwwwly show us how to achieve a Dominican hairdo using two Earth Wind & Fire songs as background music, “After The Love Is Gone” and “Boogie Wonderland”, the latter of which I co-wrote and the significance of neither in regards to the the subject matter make any sense.

With pixelated effects that happen in the first few seconds of the video and never occur again in the 9 minutes and 13 torturous seconds it takes to get the damn rollers out and hair wrapped, this is a directorial masterpiece in the filmic language of Kitsch. Among other highlights is that absolutely nothing happens in rhythm to the music, the “wind machine” only functions in one “scene” and the label on a jar of product appears backwards so you can’t possibly see what it is even if you wanted to achieve this look. Also excellent is the fact that ‘doobie’ doesn’t mean what we think it does and is apparently some kind of barrette or bobby pin.

I got excited when it was apparent that the final hairdo was going to look like a Fez. At this point, over 7 minutes in, “Boogie Wonderland” is in full throttle instrumental. That hair should have been whipping around to the strings and horns, combs and doobies flying. But alas, the Fez just gets pulled tighter and tighter, smoother and smoother, totally defying the intention of the music. And why would something be called ‘blowout’ that’s actually deflated and increases in value the flatter it gets?

Even I had trouble making it through to the final strand but from a Kitsch perspective this is a Top 10 hit!

21Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Party Photos from The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch Grand Opening Party #1

21Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Party Photos from The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch Grand Opening Party #1

The response to awmok.com has been insane, beyond my wildest and most hopeful expectations both from the press and from the public who has been contributing so much mindboggling Kitsch to the museum it staggers even this ol’ aKitschionado. Once I get through party #2 tonight at Ghettogloss, the cap to the end of a glorious week of Grand Opening festivities, and taking the physical display down tomorrow and setting everything back down in my house and studio I hope to properly document what has truly been one of the most thrilling weeks of my life not to mention events in my career. I know the nature of the Internet is to post these things immediately but it’s all part of a massive, organic, oozing project of connections to me and I don’t want to just slap up a bunch of photos and thoughts online without giving them their proper creative do. So enjoy some photos from party #1 now, have a chocolate milk or Kool-Aid on me, and know that much, much, much, much more is to come.

The response to awmok.com has been insane, beyond my wildest and most hopeful expectations both from the press and from the public who has been contributing so much mindboggling Kitsch to the museum it staggers even this ol’ aKitschionado. Once I get through party #2 tonight at Ghettogloss, the cap to the end of a glorious week of Grand Opening festivities, and taking the physical display down tomorrow and setting everything back up in my house and studio I hope to properly document what has truly been one of the most thrilling weeks of my life not to mention events in my career. I know the nature of the Internet is to post these things immediately but it’s all part of a massive, organic, oozing project of connections to me and I don’t want to just slap up a bunch of photos and thoughts online without giving them their proper creative do. So enjoy some photos from party #1 now, have a chocolate milk or Kool-Aid on me, and know that much, much, much, much more is to come.

Please proceed directly to AWMoK.com to see some of the glorious submissions to the Museum. remember, it’s the beginning of what I hope will become a great social network so don’t be shy. The people there are very cool and they’re showing some really crazy, cool stuff..

Xx, Your hostess/curator/ Kitsch luv’r, Allee

Please also proceed directly to AWMoK.com to see some of the glorious submissions to the Museum. Remember, it’s the beginning of what I hope will become a great social network so don’t be shy. The people there are very cool and they’re showing and talking about some really crazy, cool stuff.

Xx, Your hostess/curator/ Kitsch luv’r, Allee

Photos from Party #1

20Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – NBC News features The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch!

20Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – NBC News features The Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch!

This ran on September 18, 2009. Thank you, NBC and especially Cary Berglund, for getting what Kitsch is and giving it the props it so richly deserves!

15Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Aftermath, Grand Opening Party #1

15Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Aftermath, Grand Opening Party #1

awmok-party_3326

Today’s post should have been the big ol’ blowout post of ’em all detailing the spectacular party last night celebrating the Grand Opening of the Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch at awmok.com and the physical display at Ghettogloss. If my only problem was that after months of no sleep because of the enormous amount of prep all this demanded I feel like I’m inhabiting the body of a 90-year-old I could deal with it. But here’s what my wake-up hours have been consumed with so far: A) I won’t have party photos taken by the pro photog until Thursday. I thought no big deal as I had someone following me around snapping photos of significant moments anyway. But upon dumping them into my computer 30 seconds ago I see that most of these are almost pitch black because the camera was on the wrong setting. So, no party photos until late Thurs. And re video, there’s 15 hours of footage from three cameras. Perhaps by the time I actually am 90 this will be edited. But for now I must live with the fact I have no physical proof of the frivolity and mayhem that ensued for a medium that demands immediacy.

I could deal with the reality of this were it not for the torture YouTube has heaping upon me for the last 12 hours. The centerpiece of this Grand Opening week was to be the “What Is Kitsch” YouTube film festival, one new short film I made on the subject released every day through next Monday when the second party occurs. However, unbeknownst to the unsuspecting patrons of YouTube, the interface had a hysterectomy last night, the side effects of which continue, preventing anything from being uploaded. Although something seems to have changed in the last five minutes and today’s film finally uploaded it still doesn’t appear that you can leave comments, rate or favorite anything. Not good news for someone whose entire promo strategy depends on the cumulative effect of these films. Is now the time to pop the Valiums?

On top of this, today is a massive day of press which means me, my house and studio need to be spotless for photos. Not an easy feat after all the party prep that happened here and all the boxes that had to come home and be stored here before the next party on Monday. Also, the aforementioned 90-year-old body I am inhabiting today isn’t much for housework.

I also need to attend to my duties in the Kitschenette at awmok.com as many submissions have started to come in. I’m beyond excited at the prospect of seeing so many people’s Kitsch and moderating the conversations that start up around all of it. It’s the beginning of the party I’ve always wanted to throw online. I just wish I had another 24 hours before today starts.

It’s going to be a most interesting day and the kitschiest thing about it is going to be me.

Today’s post should have been the big ol’ blowout post of ’em all detailing the spectacular party last night celebrating the Grand Opening of the Allee Willis Museum Of Kitsch at awmok.com and the physical display at Ghettogloss. If my only problem was that after months of no sleep because of the enormous amount of prep all this demanded I feel like I’m inhabiting the body of a 90-year-old I could deal with it. But here’s what my wake-up hours have been consumed with so far: A) I won’t have party photos taken by the pro photog until Thursday. I thought no big deal as I had someone following me around snapping photos of significant moments anyway. But upon dumping them into my computer 30 seconds ago I see that most of these are almost pitch black because the camera was on the wrong setting. So, no party photos until late Thurs. And re video, there’s 15 hours of footage from three cameras. Perhaps by the time I actually am 90 this will be edited. So I must live with no physical proof of the frivolity and mayhem that ensued for a medium that demands immediacy.

I could deal with the reality of this were it not for the torture YouTube his heaping upon me for the last 12 hours. The centerpiece of this Grand Opening week was to be the “What Is Kitsch” YouTube film festival, one new short film I made on the subject released every day through next Monday when the second party occurs. However, unbeknownst to the unsuspecting patrons of YouTube, the interface had a hysterectomy last night, the side effects of which continue, preventing anything from being uploaded. Although something seems to have changed in the last five minutes and today’s film finally uploaded it still doesn’t appear that you can leave comments, rate or favorite anything. Not good news for someone whose entire promo strategy depends on the cumulative effect of these films. Is now the time to pop the Valiums?

On top of this, today is a massive day of press which means me, my house and studio need to be spotless for photos. Not an easy feat after all the party prep that happened here and all the boxes that had to come home and be stored here before the next party on Monday. Also, the aforementioned 90-year-old body I am inhabiting today those much better at its normal age.

I also need to attend to my duties in the Kitschenette at awmok.com as many submissions have started to come in. I’m beyond excited at the prospect of seeing so many people’s Kitsch and moderating the conversations that start up around all of it. It’s the beginning of the party I’ve always wanted to throw online. I just wish I had another 24 hours before today starts.

It’s going to be a most interesting day and the kitschiest thing about it is going to be me.

10Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Box of Fake Whitman’s Sampler Chocolates

10Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Box of Fake Whitman’s Sampler Chocolates

whitmans-chocolates2_3236

This 1950’s one pound drugstore display box of the premiere brand of boxed chocolate sold everywhere but actual candy stores is the best replica of candy I’ve ever seen in my life. The gold foil wrap is still in pristine condition. The pink, yellow and green sugar coated almonds look as fresh as the day they were dipped. The chocolate hugs the peanuts and caramel so realistically it’s hard not to pop one of these in my mouth every time I open the box.

I grew up with a box of the real Whitman’s always in our cupboard. The chocolate covered caramels and nuts were my most favorite with the brittle a close second. I used to save the molded plastic inserts that the candies fit into and build housing complexes for my marbles.

This particular box is the Whitman’s cross stitch sampler, a theme that’s carried through on the box with its textured embroidery look but as far as I can tell that’s the only thing that differed this box of Whitman’s from any other one. This is also one of the first things I found in a thrift shop when I started collecting.

This 1950’s one pound drugstore display box of the premiere brand of boxed chocolate sold everywhere but actual candy stores is the best replica of candy I’ve ever seen in my life. The gold foil wrap is still in pristine condition. The pink, yellow and green sugar coated almonds look as fresh as the day they were dipped. The chocolate hugs the peanuts and caramel so realistically it’s hard not to pop one of these in my mouth every time I open the box.

I grew up with this box in our living room. I used to save the molded plastic inserts that the candies fit into and build housing complexes for my marbles. The chocolate covered caramels and nuts were my most favorite with the brittle a close second.

This particular box is the Whitman’s cross stitch sampler, a theme that’s carried through on the box with its textured embroidery look but as far as I can tell that’s the only thing that differed this box of Whitman’s from any other one. This is also one of the first things I found in a thrift shop when I started collecting.

09Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – TV Salt & Pepper Shakers/Photo Holder

09Sep 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – TV Salt & Pepper Shakers/Photo Holder

tv-s&ps_0098

This is one of the first things I found when I started collecting vintage accessories. I also collected matching TVs, real ones like Predictas, Halo-Visions, hanging spheres and the like. I LOVE television and televisions. So this ‘Tiny-TV’ S&P set has been the main condiment carrier at my place for years.

The S&P containers raise up and down by turning the gold ‘on/off’ knob. It’s also theoretically a photo holder. You’re supposed to be able to push the screen in and slide in a photo. But this part of the TV is completely ill-conceived as the plastic, as I’m sure it was even back in its day, is unbelievably brittle so the slightest bit of pressure shatters the screen. And even if you could get the photo in there to be a real TV it ought to be behind the screen and not in front of it where grease and everything else going into your body can spatter it. Despite its shortcomings, this, one of five I’ve collected over the years, is still one of my favorite S&Ps.

This is one of the first things I found when I started collecting vintage accessories. I also collected matching TVs, real ones like Predictas, Halo-Visions, hanging spheres and the like. I LOVE television and televisions. So this ‘Tiny-TV’ S&P set has been the main condiment carrier at my place for years. The S&P containers raise up and down by turning the gold ‘on/off knob. It’s also theoretically a photo holder. You’re supposed to be able to push the screen in and slide in a photo. But this part of the TV is completely ill-conceived as the plastic, as I’m sure it was even back in its day, is unbelievably brittle so the slightest bit of pressure shatters the screen. And even if you could get the photo in there to be a real TV it ought to be behind the screen and not in front of it where grease and everything else going into your body can spatter it. Despite its shortcomings, this, one of five I’ve collected over the years, is still one of my favorite S&Ps.

12Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Karatist Preacher” Deals God’s Power In One Mighty Blow

12Jul 2009

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Karatist Preacher” Deals God’s Power In One Mighty Blow

karatist-preacher-mike-crain-lp

Man of greased-Beatles-bowl-haircut and beauty-parlor-cape-karate suit chops styrofoam looking concrete blocks in efforts to deliver the mighty message of God. But 14 slices of prime LP cheese in the name of the Lord later, Crane is the real deal, a Preacher and master of Kung-Fu and Karate for 45+ years with a 10th degree black belt equivalency.

Called ‘the hard-headed preacher’ for his talent of breaking things like 1,950 pounds of ice using only his body, Crain is also famous for his “Human Sandwich of Death” feat in which he broke a 1,675 pound concrete slab with a 20-pound sledge hammer while laying between two beds of nails with the concrete on top. But the Karatist Preacher is perhaps best known for his samurai skills, sending Michael Jordan to the hospital for three stitches after his sword slipped while slicing a watermelon laying on Jordan’s stomach. No lie.

In the ultimate master business plan Crain uses Kung-Fu and Karate to attract an audience to the church sponsoring him and then follows his martial arts demonstrations by preaching the Gospel that started with this amazing LP.

Man of greased-Beatles-bowl-haircut and beauty-parlor-cape-karate suit chops concrete blocks in efforts to deliver the mighty message of God. But 14 slices of prime LP cheese in the name of the Lord later, Crane is the real deal, a Preacher and master of Kung-Fu and Karate for 45+ years with a 10th degree black belt equivalency.

Called ‘the hard-headed preacher’ for his talent of breaking things like 1,950 pounds of ice using only his body, Crain is also famous for his “Human Sandwich of Death” feat in which he broke a 1,675 pound concrete slab with a 20-pound sledge hammer while laying between two beds of nails with the concrete on top of him. But the Karatist Preacher is perhaps best known for his samurai skills, sending Michael Jordan to the hospital for three stitches after his sword slipped while slicing a watermelon laying on Jordan’s stomach. No lie.

In the ultimate master business plan, Crain uses Kung-Fu and Karate to attract an audience to the church sponsoring him and then follows his martial arts demonstrations by preaching the Gospel that started with this amazing LP.