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Garlic is about my favorite thing in the world. I drive up to Monterey a lot on the 101 and always pass 20-wheelers filled with the stuff coming from Gilroy, the Garlic Capital of the world. I match the speed of the truck for about 10 miles to luxuriate in fabulous garlic fumes…

This vintage 1950’s shaker, clearly distressed at the smell of what’s inside it, is NOT the look on my face but, rather, the plethora of friends around me who hate the stuff. 

Did you know that garlic is a species of onion?

Garlic salt shakers were very popular in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. They usually came with a companion onion salt shaker.

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coldstone-butterscotchvelvet_cone-thumb-lgSwear to God, this week Coldstone introduced some of the cold stuff that turns into pudding and never melts. Only available through July 28th, this joint venture with the King of Kitsch foodstuffs, JELL-O, has the texture of pudding but is cold like ice cream and stuffed into cones or cups. Jello Pudding Ice Cream, as this test monkey is known, comes in Chocolate-y Goodness™ with peanut butter, caramel and fudge and Butterscotch Velvet™ with Butterfingers, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and caramel. I’ll miss the drips but look forward to even more chemicals lighting my system up. I’ll have some red balls Orbitz to wash that down with, please!

For recipes using the new chemical treat go here. Really.

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Really really nasty cheap packaging on this pack of gum and 6 “full color” movie cards put out by Paramount Pictures Corp in 1977. Six dark photos printed on incredibly flimsy barely card stock, the back of which looks to be a cut up overstock movie poster with nary a fact about John Travolta or the film printed anywhere. Boasting that the Super Bubble gum inside blows larger bubbles I doubt it very much as there’s only half a stick of gum included – not a even a full pancake of dextrose and corn syrup. Such a classic film is worthy of a finer chewing experience, altho the packaging catapults this to high Kitsch status.

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I posted this one once before but it’s about hot dogs, it’s Memorial Day and this the best instructional weener video I’ve ever seen. Everything about it – the hand modeling of hot dogs, the abrupt editing, the dialog delivery, plates going out of frame, the product itself, not to mention the use of the American flags – all conspire to make this a klassic Kitsch theatrical event. Don’t miss the dreamy musical montage at the end… and have a glorious dog-filled Memorial Day!

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The perfect Memorial Day weekend snack – Goldfish diving into an ocean of blue food colored onion dip. Even your vegetarian guests will be happy!

No summer party here at Willis Wonderland is without a pool full of these beauties. Here’s one of my guests, the lovely Pamela Segall Adlon, of Californication and the voice of Bobby Hill on King Of The Hill, my favorite animated voice (and series) of all time, enjoying a lovely Sea Foam Goldfish appetizer. Not only is it delicious, I’m sure it helps her voice too!

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Slapping advertising on Instamatic cameras was all the rage in the 80’s as advertisers realized their brands could be pushed on just about anything. You got this one by sending Kraft some box tops + minimal coinage. 110 Kodak film cartridge inside still fresh as a loaf of Velveeta, the never-aging cheese.

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Taking meat and kitsch to a new high, Burger King’s Flame cologne promises to make you smell like a romantic burger. With one spritz and the slogan “Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat”, BK Flame roars ahead of Avon at even its Mid Century cheese peak to take the top tier in the Parthenon Of Kitsch. This audacious expression of marketing kitsch makes me forgive BK for having the scariest and most unappetizing mascot of all time, that king with the big head. Remember, the next time you smell something cooking it could be the guy next to you. 

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I’m a big fan of state souvenirs, especially since most states have the identical souvenir snow globes, ashtrays and pen holders, all of which have nothing to do with the state itself other than the name decal slapped on front. But hats off to New Mexico for going a step further on the disconnect scale and having these teeth salt and pepper shakers. If anyone is aware of the connection between these choppers and “The Land Of Enchantment” I’m all ears or, should I say, teeth.