06Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Cheesy Friends Billfold with Rhinestone Necklaces

06Jun 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Cheesy Friends Billfold with Rhinestone Necklaces

Despite the fact that I co-wrote the Friends theme song, “I’ll Be There for You”, I’ve never collected the plethora of merchandise associated with the show. It’s too new and mass-produced to have the soulfulness of merchandise I collect that came from TV shows of earlier decades, and instead just plops the logo or photos of the stars on the same old cups, T-shirts and keychains that every other post-1990 show on TV stamped their likeness on. Like this keychain that the manufacturer was even too cheap to stamp the name of the show on.

Or this coffee cup:

Despite the fact that I really liked/like the show – and not just because I get a teeny-tiny-minuscule-for-which-I’m-eternally-grateful royalty every time it’s on – I never liked the tragically 90’s font of the show title. The only exception is on this incredibly cheaply made purse where the font is beautiful because they left the ‘s’ off of Friends.

My billfold has the teeny tiniest most minuscule of rhinestones on it, only about 1/16th of an inch in diameter.

And why was poor Jennifer Aniston gipped out of her necklace?  Although the manufacturer includes one spare rhinestone should the other girls’ jewels be compromised through normal use.

The inside of the billfold has none of the up and frothy sprit of the show:

The back isn’t any better:

I’d rather glue the edges of the sheet music together and at least have something distinctive to carry around. And I’d never have to worry about losing it as my name is right there on it

26May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – I’m in the New York Times today!

26May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – I’m in the New York Times today!

Nice, big, fat story in the Times on me today + 12 photos. Thank you, Bob Morris, for seeking me out (no press agent involved here!) and writing such a heartfelt, spirited, and happily long piece. My house thanks you too (at least the part of it that made the photo)!

24May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Miniskirt Knee Tickler

24May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Miniskirt Knee Tickler

So revolutionary and popular were miniskirts in the 1960’s that a plethora of accessories were made for them. This “Original Mini- Skirt Accessory” is easily one of the more insane ones. I guess the object was to remind you you were wearing a miniskirt when, clipped to the hem line, the little ball swinging from the 1-1/2″ long chain bounced or tick-tocked against your knee with each step.

The manufacturer, listed nowhere on the product or card it’s attached to, was trying to combine two late 60’s trends into one – miniskirts and peace symbols, often worn by two different groups of teenagers and young adults.


I think the nameless company needed to be a little more generous with the 1-1/2″ length of the tickler if, in fact, it was to hit the knee. The only way this would’ve reached there was with a full-length above-the-knee skirt, totally taking ‘mini’ out of the equation. I’ve enhanced the Knee Tickler to about three times its actual size to demonstrate:

It would actually take ten Knee Ticklers to reach the knee were it attached to an actual miniskirt. I mean no copyright infringement to McCalls but I’ve doctored the image to demonstrate. The Knee tickers are almost double their real size because they’d be too small to see.

I always love a product that merely capitalizes on a craze as opposed to serving any real function. And regardless of whether the little gold ball bangs against your thigh or knee, I would think it was less of a tickling effect than a bruising one after it slapped against your skin all day. It would make a better lapel pin anyway.

But then it never could’ve had such a spectacular name.

 

23May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Here They Are Looking At You” Eyeglass Holder

23May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Here They Are Looking At You” Eyeglass Holder

Because I spend about 80% of my day squinting at screens of various sizes and working by the glare of them at night, eyeglasses have been a permanent part of my face for years. This never bothered me as I view these artifacts as part of the self-expression arsenal, equal status if not more to any piece of clothing, shoe or hairstyle used to distinguish oneself in the world. As a consequence, only having one pair of glasses never worked for me.

I like to pick a precision match with whatever I have on, the same way that socks always matter but are given so little attention by most people.

And those are only my red/orange shades. I also like glass holders because I don’t want to take up half my life searching for a pair I’ve laid down without any thought to remembering where that is. So I have a variety of vintage eyeglass holders scattered around for easy pickings.

The phrase “Here They Are Looking At You” was apparently very popular among eyeglass holder manufacturers.

Another type of eyeglass holder lets the glasses swing from wherever you choose to pierce some fabric.

But I love the one I’ve featured today because the colors are so vibrant,…

… and it’s a travel souvenir,…

…and it looks very much like a shop project. Judging from the bottom, maybe the city of Niantic planned a little event where all the citizens took part in a night of sawing and gluing.

Over the weekend I had to go to LA Eyeworks, where I’ve gotten all my glasses since the early 1980s, to pick up a new prescription.

I went with Prudence Fenton, who also took some specs on a test run.

LA Eyeworks makes great frames for very distinctive faces.

And I collect eyeglass holders for very distinctive glasses, all of which are better to see my morning coffee with.

14May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kleenex Girl Head

14May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kleenex Girl Head

Allergy season is in FULL TILT here in LA. I never had allergies before but for the past few days my eyes have been wetter than the Mississippi and my nose is flowing like Niagara Falls. The only thing that makes me feel better is that I can reach into this lovely lady’s head to grab a Kleenex every time the river starts to run.

Fake fur hair like this used to gross me out.

Too retro repro for me. But I’ve reached into this follicle cavity so much these last few days I’ve grown very attached to her 60’s Shangri-La’s inspired ratty hair and ever-gleaming plastic face.

Yesterday, I was at the House Of Blues bright and early announcing the winners of the “Drawing Us Together” art competition, featuring kids’, teenagers through early 20’s, art work interpreting music in LA.

Thankfully, my nose pretended it was stapled together and I was able to hand the winner their prize without slopping on anything or anyone. Had I really thought about it before I left, I would’ve attached a chain to Ms. Tissue and worn her as a necklace. At least I would’ve be blowing in style had my nose not cooperated.

02May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – USA! Patriotic Kitsch

02May 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – USA! Patriotic Kitsch

Rarely do I celebrate someone getting their head blow on off but the jubilant mood around the world heralding the demise of the long skinny one with the poisonous manners is begging to be celebrated with the best patriotic crafts that kitsch has to offer. Here’s a small sampling of what’s available for sale as we speak on places like Ebay and Etsy. In most cases I’ve used the exact names the artists have given their work.

The Liberty Bell:

Red-White-and-Blue-Patriotic-Furry-Flip-Flops-Spa-Sandals-Size-5-6:

Flip Flop Sandal BEADS with Tiny Feet Handmade from Polymer Clay:

Patriotic Flip Flop Magnet:

Patriotic Pins and Beads Queen:

1966 patriotic Barbie patterns:

Overstimulated Patriotic Picture Frame:

Flag Saftey Beautiful Pin:

Drink-Holder—Red,White and-Blue:

Patriotic Dryer Lint Art:

Patriotic-Stars-Felt-Candle-Wrap-Cozy-Handmade:

UNCLE SAM HEAD & HANDS CERAMIC BISQUE:

Uncle Sam Mickey Latch Hook Kit:

American eagle bottle cap ecklace featuring unique night-glo:

Liberty Bell Pot Holder:

HAND-CROCHET-PATRIOTIC-CLOTHES-FOR-2.5-INCH-AND-3-INCH-DAM-TROLL-DOLLS-#1:

HAND-CROCHET-PATRIOTIC-CLOTHES-FOR-2.5-INCH-AND-3-INCH-DAM-TROLL-DOLLS-#2:

Independence Day decoration:

Patriotic American Red White Blue Pom-Pom Scarf for Indepence Day Memorial Day Photography Prop Adult or Infant:

Patriotic Horses:

Patriotic Clown:

Vintage-American-Flag-Bunting-covered-lamp-shade-red-white-blue:

Ceramic Bisque Uncle Sam Bloomer Bear, Flag included:

Go America!! Go Kitsch!

22Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ghetto Fab Michael Jackson Sphinx Pendant and Storm Lee’s Birthday Soirée

22Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Ghetto Fab Michael Jackson Sphinx Pendant and Storm Lee’s Birthday Soirée

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Sunday night I went to Storm Lee’s birthday party. He’s a great singer and killed it on The X Factor, the British version of Simon Cowell’s follow-up to American Idol, soon to debut here in the states. Storm and I have only rendezvoused a few times, once at his birthday party and then when he came over after we met at a party a few months ago. We got along famously from the second he walked in my place. First of all, he had on excellent kitsch bling, a bulbous brass Mickey Mouse ring.

When I admired bulbous Mickey, he immediately gave me this:

Anyone who walks into your house for the first time bearing gifts is pleasure enough. But when they hit it on the nose as severely as a sunglassed, gold grilled Michael-Jackson-as-the-Sphynx pendant you can only hope that their personality is as good as their taste in gifts as this could be the start of a wonderful friendship not to mention music collaboration. It’s an even better sign when you’re both wearing the same shoes, albeit different colors.

I believe in synchronicity. My life has always gone that way. I won’t be aware of anything and then something so pertinent to the immediate events in your life shows up all of a sudden, perfectly timed. That’s how it was with Storm and the Michael Jackson sphynx pendant.

The sphinx has always held special significance to me as I got my big music break with Earth, Wind & Fire, a group whose graphics and sets prominently feature Egyptian icons. Within hours of Storm gaving me the pendant, I went to a party for a soon-to-be-released documentary about the Fender Rhodes, the preeminent electric keyboard. I was in the documentary singing my first EWF hit, “September”, with Larry Dunn, the group’s original keyboard player who played the Rhodes on “September” and all my other EWF songs. The segment was filmed at my house a few months earlier. I had only seen Larry once since the early 80s and he had absolutely no idea that it was my house he was coming to to film the documentary. So the fact that I was seeing him once again on the very night that the MJ sphinx was bestowed upon me felt highly synchronistic to me. Here I am that night wearing it with Larry:

I remember not being happy with my choice of glasses. But Michael-as-sphnyx drew so much attention I didn’t have to worry about people focusing on my face.

So Sunday night it was only natural that I wear MJ sphynx to the person who gave it to me’s birthday party.

Also at the party celebrating Storm and admiring the sphinx were (L-R) International Chanteuse, Morganne, ASCAP’s Brendan Okent, and songwriters Robin Lerner and Ken Hirsch…

…and Jim Budman, not in the floral arrangement, who I came with and have known since I was a teenager in Detroit.

Did I mention that Michael Jackson-as-sphinx can also be worn as a pin?

I always appreciate when something is multifunctional.

I am multifunctional. And now Storm is multifunctional as both friend and music co-conspirator!

09Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Dinah-Mite and the Dyn-O-Miteness of Jenifer Lewis

09Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Dinah-Mite and the Dyn-O-Miteness of Jenifer Lewis

I love things that are ‘off’ but born of popular trends and then spin off into their own orbit, making a firm landing on the terra firma of Pop Culture themselves. In the early 1970’s, Mego Toys, the po’ cousin of popular doll brands like Barbie, did just that, popping out one cheaply made, shabbily dressed femme fatale after another.

I love product names like “Dinah-Mite” because of their shameless attempt to cash in on other popular trends of the day, in this early 70’s case, second rate karate films starring wannabe Bruce Lees, third rate female detectives in the shadow of Coffey and Foxy Brown, and, most predominantly, J.J. Walker’s Good Times outasite colloquialism, “Dy-no-mite!”.

One lady who is certifiably DYN-O-MITE!, not at all cheaply made and most likely a karate master is my good friend and fantastic actress, Jenifer Lewis. She of close to 200 films and 60+ television shows fame and easily one of the most hysterical people on the planet. Last Friday night she whooped and holla’d – and I mean HOLLA’D – in “So Much Love – An Evening with Jennifer Lewis, A Fundraiser to Benefit Rogue Machine Theatre” at The Nate Holden Performing Arts Center in LA.

Jenifer and I go way back to when she was one of Bette Midler’s Harlettes in the early 80’s. In addition to being great friends, we’ve always supported each other in all the crazy things we both do. When my alter–ego, Bubbles the artist, worked full-time to support me while I worked on The Color Purple musical from 2001 through 2005, Jennifer was first in line with the commissions. Here’s a beautiful salad bowl that Bubbles made of her.

You can see it’s a dead ringer:

Jenifer has always been known for her mouth, which is large and always going. Another woman who was known for her skills with verbiage was the great comedienne, Moms Mabley, who Bubbles committed to acrylic the same year the bowl was made. Moms now hangs on Jenifer’s kitchen wall.

I got a shout-out at her show when Jenifer told the story of going to an audition at Disney where out of the blue they asked her if she could play an old lady. The painting of Moms flashed in front of her eyes and, as if she magically lost all her teeth, she channeled Moms and landed the role of Mama Odie in The Princess And The Frog.

Many friends came to see Jenifer perform Friday night. ‘Friends’ being the operative word as she  introduced her musical director, Michael Skloff, my Friends theme song co-writer, who performed the song, TV theme version, at the show.

Also there was Dawnn Lewis…

… Vanessa Bell Calloway and Prudence Fenton…

…Paul Mooney…

…Shangela Laquifa Wadley of RuPaul’s Drag Race 2 and 3…

…and one of my favorite tv actresses of all time, Marla Gibbs.

I have a huge collection of vintage Jet Magazines. Here’s one of them:

Dinah-Mite has Marla’s hair and they’re both wearing purple.

Also wearing purple are Jenifer and I on the opening night of my musical, The Color Purple, on Broadway, December 1, 2005.

Thank God our purple outfits fit us better than poor Dinah-Mite’s.

I should show you Dinah-Mite’s fashionable go-go boots while we’re examining her outfit:

Unfortunately, despite the fact that we both had on fabulous sneakers, I didn’t photograph Jenifer or my shoes Friday night. There’s only this chest-up shot of two Dyn-o-mite friends after one Dinah-mite evening!

06Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – There’s More Cheese On Super Bowl Sunday Than What’s On The Pizza

06Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – There’s More Cheese On Super Bowl Sunday Than What’s On The Pizza

In the lexicon of kitsch, ‘cheese’ and ‘cheesy’ are words often used to describe objects that grace the highest echelon of kitsch itself. As if there wasn’t enough cheese to go around on Super Bowl Sunday between the dedicated–to–the-point–of-Camembert headgear and face paint that loyal fans wear to the game, the obscene price of tickets, the even more obscene money dumped into commercials, the melted cheese on the pizza and hot dogs… it’s a veritable wheel of Brie when throngs gather around the TV screen or freeze in the stadium to watch people ram into each other insuring that life after 50 will be spent in the maximum amount of pain possible.

Although I happen to own the pert little 1950’s looseleaf pictured above, that purchase had much more to do with celebrating teenage years in an innocent age than celebrating February’s favorite sport. So I thought I’d take a tour of eBay today and see what football kitsch was available to anyone in a shopping mood who might want to sprinkle a little more cheese on their Super Bowl Sundae. Here are my Top 20 Cheddar picks:

Without question, this simple, homemade and very brown tribute to football lamp ranks high:

Although if I had my choice of only one thing it might be this stuffed Houston Oilers cheerleader:

I wonder if her sport skills include this?

I think the designer of this tee-shirt, listed on Ebay as “vtg-80s-RaBBiT-FooTBALL-BoW-BuNNY-CuTE-SWEATSHIRT-S_M” might definitely have such a skill:

I doubt that’s what  Mickey had in mind though…

…or this dork who I never want to see in a football jersey or anything else again:

Same with this guy:

When it comes to plush, I’ll stick to balls.

The one on top of this 1970’s Avon bottle isn’t bad:

I never thought of a football as ergonomically shaped, so this phone can’t be too comfortable to hold in your hand:

Whoever hand-beaded this tiny little football charm was very comfortable with a glue gun in their hand:

I wish it had been a football phone or glue gun that were in this juiced up football player’s hand instead of what we all know was in it in 1994:

How completely ugly is this Treasured Times football frame?

And how completely inappropriate is a football in the hands of this little 1961 porcelain Christmas angel?

And how completely dumb is it to permanently mount a glass on top of a football helmet, albeit a miniature one?

How completely ugly, inappropriate and dumb are fanny packs under any circumstance, any time and any place?

But how completely perfect is this football positioned as a towering head in order to sell this vintage protective device?

Also at the head is the football on this 1950s Dazey  butter churner:

While you’re churning your butter perhaps you’d like some beer.

But don’t drink too much or you may end up with hips like this player:

Throw a little whiskey into the brew and  it could be an early Valentine’s Day:

May you be enjoying all the cheese possible this Superbowl Sunday!

25Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – High Heel Carrots and Hearts Of Palm

25Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – High Heel Carrots and Hearts Of Palm

I’m always amazed how all these pickled vegetables end up perfectly arranged in a bottle let alone in a glass high heel shoe. I never understood how ships were stuffed into bottles so I certainly don’t get how perfectly dissected relish foodstuffs end up stacked as precisely as Busby Berkeley dancers in glass enclosures. This high heel needs to be a segment on the Science Channel’s “How It’s Made”.

Weighing in at 4 lbs. this is no delicate little ladies foot!

Although the detail of the pearl ankle bracelet is quite the feminine touch:

In fact, all the details on this fashionable hors d’oeuvre stuffed foot are pretty fantastic. I love that they even allowed extra glass for the sole:

But why wasn’t this a pearl onion and caper stuffed heel?

Although that would’ve taken away from the perfect arch of the vegetables:

And how long did it take to hand stuff all those pimentos?

My whole life I’ve pretty much gone through phases of only wearing a certain type of shoe for a period of years and then flip to something completely different. From tiny tot through my teenage years my fascination was with penny loafers, white bucks and patent leather T-straps.

I know it’s hard to see that that’s a penny loafer but trust me, it was.  With a dime inserted into the penny slot, never a penny. Every now and then, saddle shoes would creep in.

But the big saddle shoe phase didn’t really hit me until I started writing songs in the 70s.

I believe “September” was written in those very shoes. They were red and white. I had every possible combo of saddle shoe – red and white, brown and white, blue and white, black and white, white on white, brown on beige, many in suede as well as leather, and all as vintage as possible. I still have big plastic boxes filled with at least 40 pairs of them that I wore exclusively from 1974 through ’79.

The only time I ever really wore high-heels was when I went to school dances. My feet were always as uncomfortable as I was, toting around the gallons of hair piled on my head.

For the last decade or so I’ve been obsessed with Nike Zoom Flights like these:

Only one of my shoe phases have ever included high heels, beautiful vintage 1950’s ones, but if forced to wear them again, a pair of these hearts of palm, carrot and pimento ones would be what I would wish for.