29Feb 2012

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – My Sunday Drive With Charles Phoenix: Cruising Van Nuys Blvd. In Search Of Beeps- Part 2

29Feb 2012

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – My Sunday Drive With Charles Phoenix: Cruising Van Nuys Blvd. In Search Of Beeps- Part 2

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So Charles and I are driving down Van Nuys Blvd. in search of this 1950’s diner named Beeps that neither of us have ever heard of.  We both find it hard to believe that if it were THAT good one of us wouldn’t have been aware of it. So we had low expectations until we turned a corner and saw this:

I would’ve stopped anywhere the occupant of that gold sparkle Chevy stopped to eat but I knew from the original Beeps neon that we hit the jackpot, Chevy or not.

All the signage at Beeps is pretty great:

Though some of the signage placement could’ve used a little more thought:

I wish that palm had settled in front of James Dean instead.  I hate all that 50’s repro crap, especially when this place actually existed at that time.

Inside, there’s very little room for signage. However, every inch is covered with more 50’s repro madness. I HATE WHEN DINERS DO THIS, not when they should be preserving and relishing the authentically vintage naugahyde, chrome stools and formica covered tabletops they ripped out to make way for it in the first place. Unfortunately, Beeps is a victim of such “modernization”. But thankfully, I can still appreciate it from a kitsch POV as there’s such an overload of new crap everywhere:

Every surface is jammed, even where there’s barely any room, like this wannabe Elvis stuck in the “bar” area.

Even the ceilings are smothered with stuff:

I would suggest bringing a phone or a good book so you don’t have to look at the walls with every repro light-up diner poster ever made, like this one:

Same for the neon guitar:

In contrast, the restroom key is very minimalist. Although perhaps there could have been a more appetizing choice for a restaurant key fob than a drain pipe:

But all of the decor is tolerable because of this::

The menu is massive, far beyond the reach of this photo:

We were very lucky that Valentines Day was approaching, adding to the beauty of the food selection:

Both Charles and I had cheeseburgers.

The french fries were nice and crispy.  I was very happy with this action ketchup shot:

I would suggest any burger or kitsch lover head down Van Nuys and make your stomachs (if not your eyes) very happy.

Happy dining until we drive again…

22Nov 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – A Quick Minute In Palm Springs and Two Bunch Palms

22Nov 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – A Quick Minute In Palm Springs and Two Bunch Palms

A few Sundays ago, me and the lovely Snappy P, a.k.a. Prudence Fenton, headed down to Two Bunch Palms in Desert Hot Springs, just outside of Palm Springs.

Most people come here for the natural hot springs.  I came for this:

The greatest barbecue I’ve ever seen. Saw it about nine months ago in an email from Modernway, an incredible vintage store on the main drag in Palm Springs, and finally made the trip down to claim it. I was tempted to leave with this as well but my pockets somehow remained zipped:

Though now that I think about it, a sunflower table next to a golf-ball-on-tee BBQ would have made an awfully nice set. But I had spent all my petty cash in Beaumont, a de rigeur vintage stop on the way down from LA, buying things like an exploding Mt. St. Helen’s whisky bottle…

…and an excellent apple ashtray:

Everytime I’m in Palm Springs I take endless photos of the former mayor, Mr. Sonny Bono. I love when statues look absolutely nothing like the person they’re carved to commemorate:

We stayed here, a few miles out of Palm Springs:

Two Bunch is a very private place so I must honor it by not posting any photos. I will say, however, that I’ve always enjoyed the neck-like-a-giraffe-horse waiting patiently outside the men’s room.

And, despite the refrigerator that has rumbled every time I’ve stayed in Villa 2 as well as the air conditioner that’s placed so it directly blows on your head – curious placement for a room in a health spa – I continually go back.

Though relatively little time was spent turning into an iceberg as we immediately headed back into Palm Springs to eat at Circa 59 in the relatively newly refurbished Riviera Hotel.

The last time I walked in this place was about 10 years ago when I was in an art show sponsored by Nancy Sinatra. As her father spent so many years frolicking at the Riviera it seemed only right I participate despite the fact that I had to whip something together overnight. I don’t remember the show being too successful. Maybe my piece would’ve had more impact if it were featured here, just down the block from the Riviera.

Needless to say, I’d love to be invited to a luncheon at the lodge.

The new and improved Riviera is quite a different story than the Dolly Sinatra Lodge. Here are a few shots by way of demonstration:

Those cutout panels are all over the ground floor of the hotel. Orange being my favorite neon color, it definitely set the tone for an excellent evening. As did the seating in the lobby.

There was interesting seating all over the place.

Though none as favorite as this little area that popped up a few times in the grand hallway leading to the restaurant.

I love pearlized leather.

I also love the pool table right across from those couches.

And i really go for the scale of the doors.

There are also great mirrors all over the place.

And a curved walkway to the rest rooms.

Despite a few hiccups like broccoli being undercooked despite sending it back twice and still tasting like a baseball bat and never getting any bread, the food at Circa 59 was pretty good. I totally forgot to take photos of it though so instead you can see my new little knit cap that I also bought in Beaumont as it’s displayed against the high booths in the restaurant.

I hate how that thing is positioned on my head. It has stripes all around the top but just looks like a lumpy muffin here. Speaking of lumpy muffins, they usually go great with fried chicken. But this is the closest I got to fowl, just down the road from Two Bunch:

And this is the closest I got to an elephant, whizzing past this one on the 60 freeway as we headed back to LA:

There was also a dinosaur sighting:

Though perhaps my favorite sighting in Palm Springs was this T-shirt…

…that was across the street from these two plaster guard poodles…

…that was down the block from where I picked up my golf ball bbq.

And that’s what brought us here in the first place.

15Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Lenny Dee’s King’s Inn Peekaboo Window Glass

15Aug 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Lenny Dee’s King’s Inn Peekaboo Window Glass

Several things about this glass have all the earmarks of Kitsch with a kapital K. First of all, it’s from a piano bar restaurant. Second, the name Lenny Dee is a perfect name for a player at a piano bar. Third, there’s Lenny himself, festooned in the perfect polyester outfit, visible through the oval peekaboo window on the front of the glass. Fourth, the piano keys go all the way around the glass as opposed to just in the front.

I’m not sure what’s happening on Lenny’s ultra long 70’s pointy collar polyester shirt but it’s the perfect design complement to the piano keys above him. Lenny’s comb-over and especially hairy hands are also excellent graphic touches for a drinking glass.

In case you can’t get a clear shot of Lenny once your glass is filled with liquid, there’s a non-peekaboo photo of him on the back.

I’m assuming the ‘O’ around Lenny’s head is a record and not a halo:

Then again, maybe it’s an ‘O’ and his last name is O’Dee and not Dee.  This led me to google Lenny.

I found out that Lenny no-O Dee made a few records and was an awesome organist. Just listen:

He was quite the talker too:

Treasure Island, Florida appears to be the perfect place for Lenny to be doing his magic.

According to Wikipedia, “Treasure Island got its name after several property owners attempted to boost sales of the properties by first burying and then “discovering” a couple of wooden chests on the beach. After claiming the chests were filled with treasure the news of the discovery quickly spread and people began calling the island Treasure Island.”

I think Lenny Dee is the buried treasure (he passed away in 2006). I’ve had this glass staring at me in my kitchen for years but only now decided to see who Lenny actually was. His organ sound slays me – he worked hard getting all that reverb – and I shall forever enjoy drinking out of him!


08Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kellogg’s Cereal Microcamera & Shooting “Born In Detroit”

08Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Kellogg’s Cereal Microcamera & Shooting “Born In Detroit”

I spent most of Wednesday afternoon being photographed and interviewed for “Born in Detroit,” a book by Jenny Risher “celebrating Detroit as a unique place that’s cultivated an extraordinary number of singularly influential people.”

To say that I’m elated about being included with the likes of Berry Gordy, Lily Tomlin, Iggy Pop, Eminem, Elmore Leonard, Jerry Bruckheimer, Al Kaline, Smokey Robinson, Holland-Dozier-Holland, Michael Moore and more is an understatement. But it was SO hot yesterday in LA – and my house, at least the room we were shooting in, is largely glass, not the space of choice for a 100+ day – it rendered the photo subject a perpetual waterfall.

The sweat isn’t so visible in that photo but the tuckeredoutness is. It was all I could do to suck on my Vernor’s, Detroit’s finest beverage, to stay cool.

After having almost every relic of my childhood, including photographs and Hi-8 footage, thrown out long ago by my father in a fit of bowing to my stepmother’s wishes to get rid of all the “junk”, in my later years I’ve been fanatic about taking photos. Especially since digital cameras have replaced the torture of buying endless rolls of film that can spoil in the sun, waiting weeks for the drugstore to deliver the oftentimes-blurry-yet-previously-undetectably-so shots, and then misplacing photos after they overtake drawers. This still doesn’t stop me from collecting vintage cameras though:

Nowhere near as elegant as the lipstick camera, my little Kellogg’s honey was a giveaway with a few cereal boxtops. Even cheaper if you had the discount card.

The microcamera is a diminutive 3″ x 1.5″ x 1″.

It’s still in the original box.

It takes 110 film….

….though none is inserted in my Kellogg’s.

I actually have some 110 film in my freezer as we speak because another one of my cameras uses it.

You ought to see that one from the front. It goes nicely with the Kellogg’s cam.

But in truth, neither the Velveeta nor the Kellogg’s take good photos. Which is just as well because as soon as the shoot was done I set my can of Vernors down and it tipped over on the Velveeta cam.

Which is better than if it spilled on the photographer’s autographed computer signed by most of the Detroiters she’d shot for the book.

“Born in Detroit” should be out sometime around Christmas.  Until then I can only hope for cooler weather in LA, more Vernors in the frig, and a safe sleep for my Made-in-Taiwan-by-way-of-Kalamazoo Kellogg’s microcam, another Michigan native.

 

06Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

06Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

Fill ‘Er Up with bull#!@t I say to that jury in the Casey Anthony trial coming up with a not guilty verdict!  They have to have chugged the same Kool-Aid as those defense lawyers, all too often a glutinous breed whose choice of which side of the justice line to stand on makes me ill to begin with. Clinging to the edges of the glass with theories they never even tried to prove and lucky enough to serve the brew to twelve people whose only excuse is that their Florida heat-soaked pea brains had no cells left to absorb any information coming from the prosecution.

Did you hear J. Cheney Mason’s arrogant and idiotic comments after the trial? It rivaled the jury’s lack of conscience. Even Casey Anthony can’t believe what she’s hearing:

I’ve been pretty glued to Nancy Grace/Jane Velez-Mitchell throughout this case and certainly remained so yesterday.

Jane turned the camera towards the courthouse doors, behind which the defense team were having a celebratory champagne toast. And then again at a bar across the street from the courthouse. I don’t see how anyone could have tried this case without being drunk or so high on something all of their senses and any shred of conscience was too numb to be fully functioning.

Even the name of the artist whose work graces this ashtray, though missing an ‘a’ between the ‘M’ and ‘c’, suggests the name of another murderous character.

I can only hope that Casey Anthony will walk the same torturous path that Macbeth did after he snuffed out a life. Perhaps the jurors will walk a path to Casey’s house for the parties she will inevitably throw, so skillful is she at paddling murky waters with her self-soaked criminal brain and flipper feet that left no tracks in the swamp.

How many more shocking things can come out of Florida? This is a state I once loved because of all the fantastic childhood trips I took to Miami Beach. But between the 2000 election, this trial, and all the other nonsensical stuff that’s poured out of it in the last decade, my guard is up.

I know it’s not everyone and every county there. But as long as Casey Anthony is hitting the shopping malls, tattoo parlors and party stores, I’ve had my Fill ‘Er Up of Fla. To you twelve jurors specifically, too lily-livered to speak to the media and tell us your reasoning, if you have kids I hope you’re treating them better than you treated Caylee. For now, just smoke your brains out and try to forget the decision you made. If you need an ashtray, this one’s for you.

03Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Cow Udder Cup

03Jul 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Wisconsin Cow Udder Cup

As you read this, I’m boiling away in Kenosha, Wisconsin where I’m attending two friends’ wedding. Getting up at 4:30 AM to make the plane here didn’t make me the happiest of campers but at least I had the foresight to sip my barely-morning joe out of this udderly fantastic souvenir Wisconsin cup in attempts to enter the proper dairy state state of mind.

I have very fond feelings for Wisconsin as not only did I attend four stupendous years of college in Madison, but I returned there last September for my conducting debut.

If I had an inch to spare in my suitcase, always packed as if a natural disaster could hit at any moment and I could sustain myself for weeks despite the fact that I may only be gone for three days, I might have brought my Wisconsin cup.  But this is a brat and beer state and udders don’t exactly spew the latter.

Besides, the coffee at the Best Western, THE hotel in town, has been lukewarm every time I’ve  tried it, so it’s not worthy of swimming on top of the milking spouts. But speaking of swimming, the coffee machine is located in the lobby and that overlooks the pool, or should I say poo.

If it were winter, it would be nice to sit with a nice cup of coffee and ponder the meaning of ‘gister otel gues on y’.  But it’s summer, it’s hot and humid, and a steaming cup of the stuff is not what me-who-would-rather-have-air-conditioning-chips-inserted-into-her-body-than-sweat needs. Which means I’m just fine without my udder cup here in

21Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Celebrate Presidents Day with a Kennedy Creamer

21Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Celebrate Presidents Day with a Kennedy Creamer

At that point in history, the 1960s, no more swag had ever been created for an American Presidency than for the first couple of Camelot, John and Jackie Kennedy. I have much of it, including busts, porcelain plates, copper plates, ashtrays, keychains and the like. But most of that is buried away and I’m too lazy to dig it out on a holiday. Here’s one that’s handy of a porcelain plate using the exact same image as on the creamer but for a new chair:

Here’s another of the exact same plate I have where the Kennedys have been replaced by a camper:

Many people would argue the Kennedys have never been replaced as a Presidential couple.

As you can see, the plate as American presidency was made in Japan.

My creamer, however, was made in the good ol’ USA. Squint and you can see it:

Here’s an idea of how tall the Presidential creamer is:

May we all stand tall this President’s Day (and have as nice of hair as the Kennedy’s)!

07Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Detroit Zoo Hat and My Homegirl, Lily Tomlin

07Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Detroit Zoo Hat and My Homegirl, Lily Tomlin

When I grew up in Detroit I went to the zoo on 10 Mile and Woodward at least a couple times a year. Although I got this particular chapeau on Ebay, I’m certain I had one exactly like it as I never went there without something separating me from the sun. I was quite fond of theme hats as a kid.

I’m not sure exactly what animal is on my zoo hat.

I suppose that’s a bear. Though it looks inbred with a beaver and Golden Retriever. It never made any sense to me that with a baseball team named the Tigers and a football team named the Lions that one of those didn’t get top billing in felt.

At least a tiger made the supporting cast. As did another animal that actually looks more like a bear than the beaver/Golden Retriever or maybe otter mystery animal in the starring role. I’m not going to worry about that though as there’s so much else beautiful that came out of Detroit. Like cars, Vernor’s ginger ale and Sanders hot fudge, the latter two of which remain staples in my refrigerator to this day.

I’m sure I was consuming both the last time I walked around the zoo, which was at least four decades ago.

The Detroit Zoological Park wasn’t the only thing I loved about Detroit. You can read all about my love affair with the city here.

Someone else who was born and grew up in Detroit still feels the love too.

Lily Tomlin and I have been friends since 1984 when we were introduced by Paul Reubens a.k.a.Pee Wee Herman. Lily even used my head to insert her own into for her character, Kate, in her Tony Award Winning Broadway show, Search For Signs Of intelligent Life In The Universe.

Both of us still love Detroit and are looking for something to do together there on a permanent basis.  We don’t know what that is yet but it will most certainly revolve around the arts as coming from the big D had such an enormous impact on what we both do. It also made my once alter-ego, Bubbles the artist, the artist she was, whipping out copy paintings of Lily’s character, Ernestine, like they were on the Ford assembly line, which the star would then autograph so a few more dollars rolled into my coffers.

Now we want a few more dollars rolling into Detroit, where I’ll be heading in April, perhaps with Lily in tow, to figure out what we can do there together. My specific mission is delivering the closing keynote speech at the three day Rust Belt To Arts Belt conference, exploring ways and mental states to turn decaying American cities like Detroit into cities of the future, which I’ve long held my home town can be if it rises from the ashes with both heart and conscience. I’m also going there to conduct my high school marching band playing a medley of my greatest hits in the lobby of the Fox Theatre before a performance of my musical, The Color Purple.

Despite the fact that I can’t read a note of music, including my own, I became obsessed with conducting last October after I was asked to conduct the 350 piece marching band at my college alma mater, the University of Wisconsin, when they played my songs at the Homecoming football game.

You can see the details of the excellent Priority Mail envelope hat I wore then here. Conducting the Mumford band with The Color Purple cast singing along will also give me a chance to wear another excellent hat:

Although I now collect marching band hats –  I’m up to over 30 different color combos though still missing the maroon and blue of the Mumford Mustangs –  my little hat from the Detroit zoo remains one of my favorites. I may not know what kind of animal sits on my head but I know a great city when I see one!

06Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – There’s More Cheese On Super Bowl Sunday Than What’s On The Pizza

06Feb 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – There’s More Cheese On Super Bowl Sunday Than What’s On The Pizza

In the lexicon of kitsch, ‘cheese’ and ‘cheesy’ are words often used to describe objects that grace the highest echelon of kitsch itself. As if there wasn’t enough cheese to go around on Super Bowl Sunday between the dedicated–to–the-point–of-Camembert headgear and face paint that loyal fans wear to the game, the obscene price of tickets, the even more obscene money dumped into commercials, the melted cheese on the pizza and hot dogs… it’s a veritable wheel of Brie when throngs gather around the TV screen or freeze in the stadium to watch people ram into each other insuring that life after 50 will be spent in the maximum amount of pain possible.

Although I happen to own the pert little 1950’s looseleaf pictured above, that purchase had much more to do with celebrating teenage years in an innocent age than celebrating February’s favorite sport. So I thought I’d take a tour of eBay today and see what football kitsch was available to anyone in a shopping mood who might want to sprinkle a little more cheese on their Super Bowl Sundae. Here are my Top 20 Cheddar picks:

Without question, this simple, homemade and very brown tribute to football lamp ranks high:

Although if I had my choice of only one thing it might be this stuffed Houston Oilers cheerleader:

I wonder if her sport skills include this?

I think the designer of this tee-shirt, listed on Ebay as “vtg-80s-RaBBiT-FooTBALL-BoW-BuNNY-CuTE-SWEATSHIRT-S_M” might definitely have such a skill:

I doubt that’s what  Mickey had in mind though…

…or this dork who I never want to see in a football jersey or anything else again:

Same with this guy:

When it comes to plush, I’ll stick to balls.

The one on top of this 1970’s Avon bottle isn’t bad:

I never thought of a football as ergonomically shaped, so this phone can’t be too comfortable to hold in your hand:

Whoever hand-beaded this tiny little football charm was very comfortable with a glue gun in their hand:

I wish it had been a football phone or glue gun that were in this juiced up football player’s hand instead of what we all know was in it in 1994:

How completely ugly is this Treasured Times football frame?

And how completely inappropriate is a football in the hands of this little 1961 porcelain Christmas angel?

And how completely dumb is it to permanently mount a glass on top of a football helmet, albeit a miniature one?

How completely ugly, inappropriate and dumb are fanny packs under any circumstance, any time and any place?

But how completely perfect is this football positioned as a towering head in order to sell this vintage protective device?

Also at the head is the football on this 1950s Dazey  butter churner:

While you’re churning your butter perhaps you’d like some beer.

But don’t drink too much or you may end up with hips like this player:

Throw a little whiskey into the brew and  it could be an early Valentine’s Day:

May you be enjoying all the cheese possible this Superbowl Sunday!

27Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Seriously Ugly Coffee Mug from Dyersville, Iowa

27Jan 2011

Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Seriously Ugly Coffee Mug from Dyersville, Iowa

I’m not sure what goes on in Dyersville, Iowa but I sure hope it’s not a factory that specializes in turning out coffee mugs as this is one of the most seriously ugly ones I’ve ever seen. And, trust me, as a purveyor of kitsch I’ve seen a lot of them. If this is truly “Where Dreams Come True”, I hope that at least one Dyersville citizen is dreaming about a new coffee mug design.

The trees are in relief so your fingers bump up and down as they rest on the cup. There’s a layer of nice green ones that are then mysteriously covered over by a layer of brown and dead looking ones. It actually looks like there was a more intricate design underneath but the bowel brown trees apparently appealed more to the artisan.

Okay, I just googled Dyersville and I think the mystery is solved! According to the Chamber of Commerce, Dyersville has a population of 4000 and is known as the Farm Toy Capital of the World.  I would suggest the next run of mugs should feature miniature tractors and the like but that will never happen because of this: “Dyersville is also the home of the Academy Award nominated film, Field of Dreams.” Which explains the over-forestation on the coffee mug. Though I believe that a field consists of a patch of cleared land. Next time I hope someone mows the mugs before they hit the shelves.