Have you ever used the expression, “I am dying of boredom?” Well, so have I. I have used it all my life. It says if you use it that often, that may be exactly what you’re doing. Even as I was reading the article, in the back of my mind, I caught myself thinking, “How boring!”

“It says here, did you read, “Having everything can sometimes make you stop wanting anything.” (Looks up) It’ called “Rich People’s Burn-Out.” And if TOWN & COUNTRY is writing about it, a magazine not known for its psychological insight, it must be of epidemic proportions.”

“Yes, I am having… (mouths)…an affair. But not for long. It’s one thing to tolerate a boring marriage, but a boring affair does not make sense.”

“How much longer must I wait? I have read all the magazines.”
(Touches hair)
“I will have to be shampooed again.”
(Looks in direction of stylist, angry)
“That’s what comes of letting Bucci the Arrogant do our hair, I suppose. I am here hoping that something can be done to undo the harm he’s done. I mean, what is this? This side ends well above the left ear and this side ends, as you can see, at the collar bone. I am sick of being the victim of trends I reflect but don’t even understand.”

“I tell you, coming here today was so humiliating. There were people, in the streets, actually staring at my haircut. People who normally would be intimidated. Well, of course, of course I said to him, “Please, Bucci, nothing too radical.” But, by that time, this side was already gone. That’s why this side looks less radical.”
(Sighs)
“Oh, well, I have gotten scads of compliments. Especially when they see just this side and not this side.”
(Looks around impatiently, twirls foot, real arrogance.)
“I have been waiting so long that soon this side will look like this side.”
(Examines hands, loudly for receptionist’s benefit.)
“Since I’ve been sitting here, two new age spots have appeared.”

“I do like what it does for my cheekbones. Well, one of my cheekbones. But, you see, my left ear juts out. Oh I’d like to say to him, “As long as you insist on calling yourself an artist, then go to Palm Beach and do oil portraits.” Well no, no, I have never actually talked to him that way; can you imagine what I would look like if I ever talked to him that way?”

“I’m bored.”

“When I’m in L.A. this weekend I’m seeing another plastic surgeon about a new fingertip. Maybe he can do something about this haircut while he’s at it�
And I have got to go to the theatre tonight. They say it’s uplifting, but still I dread it. The last time they said something was uplifting, I must have dozed off during the uplifting part. Am I so jaded I cannot be uplifted anymore, or do I find being uplifted ultimately boring? That is really jaded. I do not know why I bother going; I will be just one big yawn with a bad haircut.”

“It was right outside this metaphysical book store. I thought it could be a sign. Lately, I seem to ok for signs. The closer I get to menopause, the more metaphysical I’m becoming. Oh I had no idea who it belonged to. Anyone living in that neighborhood had reason to want to end it all. Cheers. When I was in L.A. I found this suicide note in the street…”

“There we were laughing together in the pouring rain and then the bag lady did the dearest thing. She offered me her umbrella hat. She said that I needed it more than she did, because one side of my hair was beginning to shrink.”